


Mitsuketa

by afterfourteenyears



Series: Mitsuketa series [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:40:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 66,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterfourteenyears/pseuds/afterfourteenyears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[GinSachi, also GinTsu] He lost her on that fateful night. After searching for so long, he's finally close. But it won't be easy to get her back. Deception, lies, seduction and broken hearts await.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Fun to Drink at a Bar, But Picking Up Girls is Even Better

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. Just so you know, this story is in draft mode. Sorry, don't have time to let my fics be betaed. I'm super busy and so you get an idea of how busy I am, combine the business of a mother and a father and the secretary of the president of a country. And yeah... Um, it's 1 AM, I'm on hospital duty ignoring useless referrals and attempting to write this chapter properly. Get ready for some aaaction. :D

**Chapter 1: It's Fun to Drink at a Bar, But Picking Up Girls is Even Better**

The place was a medium-sized and cozy rectangular area. Sofas were scattered randomly in the vicinity and three mini bars were positioned on opposite sides of the room. There were a few tall round tables with stools planted amongst the couches and large, fluffy pillows were thrown on the rugs. The lights dimmed as more people -and Amanto- entered to find their spot. There was a light buzz. It seemed like everyone was excited for the show.

But none more than the man himself sitting on the back couch. He kept his red eyes trained on the empty stool onstage, illuminated by the spotlight. Anticipation gripped him intensely, his right hand secured on the hilt of his wooden sword.

"We start in five minutes!" A voice boomed out of nowhere. "Is everyone pumped up for tonight's show?"

A chorus of assent surrounded the place. People were obviously eager to see tonight's star. She was a known regular performer for years now and each night, she captivated the crowd.

This piece of information intrigued him. If his sources were right, then this would aid with his intentions. He had plans, big ones, and tonight could possibly be the culmination of all that.

Gintoki Sakata. 28 years old. Single. From Edo, Kabuki-cho district. Founder of Yorozuya Gin-chan. Described as tall, muscular, deep voice, red dead fish eyes, silver white permed hair and one of the most skillful and strongest samurai in Japan. But tonight, he was not all that.

Tonight he was in disguise. Same physique and eyes but his hair was slicked back and temporarily darkened into brown. He grew a light beard to conceal part of his features. Right now though, it was very itchy and extremely annoying. He wanted to get this night over with.

Turning to his right, he addressed his first companion, a younger male, 21 years of age, Shinpachi Shimura, one of the current members of the Yorozuya. He was without his glasses presently and was squinting at the stage, "Are you sure this is the place?" Gintoki asked the boy who now had an orange crew cut. "You have to not be wasting my time."

Shinpachi nodded eagerly, "Yes. I'm positive, Gin-san. My source is very reliable, as I've kept assuring you for the past week."

"Relax, Gin-chaaan, yo." A girl of 17 piped up to his left. Kagura. Her hair was now light green, straight and down to her waist, instead of its usual red-orange color in a pair of buns. She also donned a darker green moustache, which he thought destroyed the entire disguise-thing. "Otsuu-chan has inside info on this. Remember, one of the guys on her music team is most likely involved."

"Yeah, yeah. I just don't want another dead end or wild goose chase. That's where all your sources have led us so far," Gintoki grumbled. "I'm tired, hungry and sleepy. I want some strawberry parfait, extra large. And then afterwards, I'd like some sake. Then maybe have a woman to fu-"

"Oi Gin-san! It's starting!" Shinpachi cried, pointing at the stage where a miniscule creature with wild pink and blue hair stood.

"All right! Ka-ching!" Kagura grabbed a tub of popcorn from a neighboring table and proceeded to munch on the bucket's contents. Gintoki wanted to point out that this wasn't a movie theater but a conversation distracted him from behind.

"What's the big-o deal with this woman? Let's just go to a strip club," a man not far from Gintoki croaked.

"Wait and see. She's totally beautiful and charming. The typical shy and submissive but sexy woman," was the reply of a deeper voice.

The other man guffawed, "I've been with plenty of women like that."

"She a really good singer. Her voice is heavenly but that's a given. What everyone's really into are her outfits and dancing." He chucked, followed by a tinkling of glasses.

"What do you mean?" asked his companion, burping.

"She's such a tease. She wears these thin, almost transparent dresses, giving you a glimpse of her delicious naked body. And the way she dances onstage, swaying those hips... Oh boy, you'd get a boner just watching her."

"Oh man, I can't wait. This might just be worth it. Is it also true about her eyes?" The man inquired.

Gintoki's ears perked up.  _What about the eyes?_  He wondered.

"Yeah. They say she has severely bad vision and has to wear glasses all the time. Every time she performs though, she takes them off."

"Why?"

"Well, during an interview, she mentioned that the audience is a blur without them. It's better so she won't get stage fright." The men laughed.

"Awesome. She sounds cute. Can she be groped while she's up there? I'm getting really fired up for this. Does she go home with customers?"

"Nah, they're strict about that. But if you've got connections or money, I heard she'd do a private session with you in her dressing room. It's just a rumor, though."

The conversation was halted by cheers of people near the stage. Gintoki focused his attention on the stage curtain, heart thumping, pulse racing and mouth dry.

Within seconds, a woman walked through the drapes, and took her place on the lone stool. His eyes widened, jaw dropped. It was  _her_. He found  _her_.

Stalker.

He mentally shook his head. Ayame Sarutobi, was her proper name, known to most as Sacchan. She was a ninja, Shimatsuya, and one of the few surviving members of the disbanded Oniwabanshuu.

She looked nothing like an assassin tonight, instead she was as delightful as the two men behind him talked about.

He stared at her, taking in her complete appearance. Her hair was still lavender but shorter, about shoulder length, and slightly curled at the edges. Her eyes, purple and large, had a discreet blank stare probably because she lacked her glasses. Her beauty mark, he noticed, was still very much under her right eye. Her face was only mildly made up but what drew his attention were her lips which were plump, shiny and smooth with gloss. This was emphasized when she blew a kiss to the audience, causing a chorus of animated shouts.

"Aya-chan, dance for us!"

"Aya-chan, sing for us!"

"STRIP, Aya-chan, STRIP!"

"Come home with me tonight, Aya-chan!"

"I wanna fuck you badly, Aya-chan!"

Gintoki watched, mesmerized, as she demurely stood and walked towards the audience. Her hips were swaying gently and seductively, making him feel a tug in his chest. He licked his lips. This was quite a show.

Her dress was loose and thin, teasing the viewers with her naked curves. Gintoki swore he saw a flash of nipple through the thin sheet and felt himself harden.

This was going to be a long night.

"Good evening, everyone!" She spoke into the microphone. "I'm Aya. Thanks for coming tonight." People were hysterically raving. "I have 4 songs and dances. They're new. I hope you enjoy!"

The crowd went wild as she repositioned a shoulder strap that slipped down, revealing a portion of her breast. Music started to play, introducing her first song and dance number.

Not for the first time that night, Gintoki found it an effort to breathe. His eyes took in the woman singing and swaying in front of him. She was different, he supposed and surely after five years, she was expected to be.

He examined her body, noticing the way she filled up from before. Her breasts were larger and rounder, probably up a cup size or two. He knew of their size by sneakily glancing at them on previous occasions. Breasts were an endless fascination to him, he constantly observed them and had even tasted a few. He had never touched hers though, but from his view, he could tell they were delectable.

Her waist was slim, followed by a sudden flare at her hips. He could see her creamy thighs connected with endless and shapely legs. Her damn dress was extremely short. He knew that the hem was only millimeters away from revealing her underwear. That is, if she was wearing any.

Her voice was smooth and melodic, sending tingles down his spine. It was never like that before. He remembered hating her constant screeching and shrill gushing over him but now her voice was startingly pleasant to his senses.

As for her body movements, they stirred a few butterflies in his stomach. She shifted shyly at first but soon gained quiet confidence. He realized why she attracted such rumors and attention with her dances.

Right now, he wanted to rip off her dress which barely clung to her and was allowing her breasts to move freely. Her mounds were bouncing lightly, gliding through the sheer fabric of her attire.

Gintoki pinched himself, punishing his thoughts away. Now was not the time to be thinking about this. This was not why he was here. He had to focus. Though he had to admit, it was proving to be very difficult.


	2. When Proposing to a Girl You Like, Grab Her and Kiss Her Senseless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. Just so you know, this story is in draft mode. Sorry, don't have time to let my fics be betaed. Please bear with me. It's presently 2:24 AM, I'm still on hospital duty. Lucky for this story, the referrals have stopped. But I'm sleepy. Sleep vs fic writing. Yeah, life decisions... ;P
> 
> The line "I hate it when people lie to themselves" was inspired by Naruto failfession.

**Chapter 2: When Proposing to a Girl You Like, Grab Her and Kiss Her Senseless**

Sacchan slipped on her glasses as she walked to her dressing room, smiling with satisfaction. Tonight's performance went well, she thought. The crowed seemed to enjoy her show and she didn't trip onstage at all. It's been five years yet she couldn't shake away her nervousness during performances. It was still a different place and bunch from what she was used to.

Taking a seat in front of her dresser, she fluffed her hair and examined her appearance.

Her purple hair was shorter and twirled at the ends. Each strand looked to be in place. Pleased with that, she adjusted her glasses which were rimmed pink and had two clips to secure its place. They were rarely lost nowadays.

She chuckled at the irony of her reflection. On the outside, she was different, with a new style and a calmer disposition. Her inner self remained, nurturing feelings from years ago, when she was livelier and infatuated. Her present emotions conflicted with her supposed vitality in love.  She tried daily to distance herself from the past and move on. Still, there were times she ended up somber, recalling that painful night which caused her to leave Edo all those years ago.

She plopped down on her sofabed and berated herself. She constantly struggled to let go of the past. It was pathetic to remain emotional over things that occurred a lifetime ago. A few new friends advised her to go get herself a boyfriend but she was never eager to comply. There was still one man she found herself wanting and dreaming of. She was convinced that there was no one like him.

He was unique, all right, a man of passion and power. She admired him from the beginning, her heart drawn to him despite his roughness. People claimed he was lazy and disgusting but she knew otherwise. He kept up a front of being nonchalant and useless but his true self was reliable and responsible.

She knew him well from spending her free time observing and following him around. Proof of this was her being labeled as his stalker. Her eyes had memorized every detail of his face and the way his body moved.

She found him handsome, even charming. He was so... masculine, not merely in looks but also in deed. The man of her heart was protective of his friends and loved ones. Even new acquaintances were defended by him. He tried to reach out and understand everyone, even his own enemies. There was simply something about him that made him special and caused her to fall in love. All those nights she spent on his roof had given her insight to his character.

But there was a specific night she would never forget.

She also found herself wanting him physically. It was a different kind of lust, driven by her emotions and his callousness.

He never let her get as close as she wanted, constantly refusing her advances. There were times though when he had actually spoken to her with tenderness. He even offered to take responsibility for his own mistakes. She recalled hoping for more when he saved her a few times, even handing her a present he picked out himself. But she realized those rare moments were most likely false and out of duress. He had always regarded her as a nuisance. He was just that good of a person to do nice things for anyone, even stalkers he disliked.

A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. She opened it to see a bar staff. "What is it, Yusuke-san?" She asked.

"Aya-san, a customer wants to speak with you now," he explained the reason for his disturbance.

She frowned, "You know that I don't entertain guests here."

"But Aya-san, he's very insistent!" Yusuke looked a bit miffed. "He said you knew him. Patsu or something. He also handed me a lot of money. You know how much I need it for my family! Please Aya-san. He looks harmless. A young boy with orange crew cut hair. Pathetic, really."

Sacchan sighed, wondering who it was. She failed to recall anyone with that description. "Oh all right. Just send him in. I'll only speak to him for a few minutes. I need to rest."

Yusuke nodded and walked to the far right. "You can go see her now!" He yelled. "Bye Aya-san! Thanks!" Then he left.

She waited a few minutes but no one came forward. The boy probably chickened out, or Yusuke was playing a prank. Shrugging, she stepped back inside her room and shut the door. She was about to lie down when brisk rapping sounded on the wood.

She swung it open to reveal the person from her thoughts moments ago. It was someone she _never_  expected to see at this time or place.

Gin-san.

"Gin-san!" She couldn't tell if she had voiced it out loud. Her blood was pumping fiercely from her heart into her brain, clouding her hearing. Unable to move, she merely stared at him.

He looked exactly as she remembered. Tall and imposing with large muscles visible through his shirt. His eyes had the same bored and red expression. His messy silver hair was pointing in all directions looking a bit wet like he just shampooed. His jaw had a slight stubble which she found incredibly sexy.

She realized he was also staring at her. He studied her for a moment, looking at her eyes, her nose and downward, lingering on her lips. His eyes moved lower and he licked his lips as he surveyed her breasts. Shocked and tickled by his actions, Sacchan's nipples hardened. She moved to cover them but he had already seen her protruding buds.

Smirking, he stepped wordlessly into the room and locked the door behind him. He was making her confused and nervous. What was he doing here? How did he find her?

After silently observing his surroundings, he spoke. "How long have you been here?"

Sacchan bit her lip, detecting a coolness in his tone. She anticipated a different question. "Five years. Ever since I-"

"Ever since you left Edo." He interjected.

"Y-yes."

He regarded her intensely. "What else have you been doing since then?" He asked evenly. "Still taking on jobs as a Shimatsuya?"

She wondered of his sudden interest in her activities. Why was he here, far from Edo? Did something prompt his unexpected visit?

"No. I... Stopped working as a ninja five years ago. I wanted to do something different," she said reluctantly.

"So that's why you came here?" He was still staring at her and she felt like his eyes were boring through hers, trying to read her mind, her secrets. "Why haven't the Annihilation Punishers come after you?"

"I don't know." She had waited for them to eliminate her after going rogue but they never showed up. "I never saw them since the last time they came for me."

He sighed, clearly irritated, and faced her dresser, his back to her. She could see him watching her from the mirror's reflections. Their eyes met and Sacchan felt her face heating up. Why was he looking at her like that?

"Did something happen back in Edo, Gin-san?" She was uneasy.

"There's something I need to ask you." He said quietly, not breaking his gaze on her.

"What is it?" She whispered, unable to relax.

"Are you-" He hesitated. "Are you in love with me?"

"What?" Sacchan squeaked, surprised by his bluntness.

He rounded on her and grabbed her shoulders, dragging her to him. Startled, she tried to keep distance by pushing her palms against his chest. He was too strong though. They ended up within inches of each other. Trembling, she tilted her head upwards to find him glaring down at her.

"Don't pretend you didn't hear what I said." He growled.

She couldn't stop shaking as she looked at him. Five years of not seeing or speaking to him and now he was so close to her, asking about her feelings for him. "Gin-san..."

"Stop acting naive." His hands tightened at her shoulders. "Answer me."

She swallowed thickly. There was no reason for her to admit her feelings. That clearly needed to remain in the past. Right now, he was furious and she knew that if he discovered the truth, he would do what he always does: push her away. Or throw her out the window.

She didn't want to provoke him thus, intending to tell him that she had no more feelings for him since they had faded a long time ago.

"Gin-san, I-" she started but he pulled her closer and planted a soft kiss on her lips. She gasped. Gin-san just kissed her!

He removed her glasses before repeating the gesture. "Tell me how you feel about me," he whispered against her mouth. "Do you love me?" He kissed her again, taking her lips into his. "Why did you leave?" Kiss. "Don't lie to me,  _Sacchan_. I just want to know what you've been up to." This time, he kissed her longer and pushed his tongue to enter her.

Sacchan closed her eyes. She felt dizzy and she would have fallen if Gin-san did not have a tight hold on her.

She pulled away from him, trying to explain. "Gin-san... I-"

She was interrupted by his mouth returning to hers. He planted small kisses against her lips and then switched to licking and sucking them. Shivering, she let out a small moan.

"Tell me,  _Sacchan_ ," He repeated.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked into his own. Her vision was imperfect without glasses but she thought his eyes looked darker than usual and his breathing was faster than normal. "Gin-san," she whispered, unable to form a coherent thought.

"Do you love me? Say it," he urged, pulling her closer.

She stared into the depths of his eyes and breathed out gently. "Yes."

She barely got the word out as he captured her lips into a more passionate kiss. He nipped gently on her lower lip, causing her to moan. He opportunistically slid his tongue inside her to caress her hungrily. Sacchan moaned again, sliding her own tongue against his. She craved to feel him some more.

Every inch of her body was extremely sensitive. She was hyperaware of his hands  gripping her waist. They moved slowly up and down, caressing her torso. She mirrored his gesture by running her palms vertically on his chest, making him groan in response. Sacchan pressed closer, no longer thinking but only doing what her body wanted to. She needed every part of her body to be touched by him.

Planting her chest against his, she fervently wished he would grab her breasts. She was starting to feel really hot and needy. Only his touch could satisfy her. He cried in assent, hands travelling upward to squeeze her.

His kissing slowed. She knew he was concentrating on his hands, squishing her enthusiastically. It was all she could think about, his hands on her breasts.

He squeezed each breast alternately through her thin dress, going from rough to gentle. He touched every part of them save for the tips dying for his touch. He avoided brushing against her taut nipples, thumbs circling her areolas, only reaching the borders of the sensitive spots.

Sacchan was frustrated. She was about to demand that he stop teasing her when he lightly brushed his fingerpads against her wanting buds.

"Gin-san!" She gasped, feeling the pleasurable sensation travel from her nipples to her center. "Don't stop," she begged as he repeated the movement. She wanted more of it.

He stopped instead, letting go of her and stepping back. He was breathing heavily and before she could react, he slipped his hands under her dress and grabbed her breasts, pinching both her nipples. He squeezed firmly, rolling them between his fingers.

It was unbearable and driving her to moan loud and long. "Ahhhhh!" Sacchan felt like thrashing about.  She was losing it with just his teasing touch.

Almost reaching her limit, he took his hands away and pushed her back to lie on the sofabed. She felt exposed, with him positioning her arms above her head and gathering her dress above her breasts.

Gin-san was staring at them like he found a hidden treasure. She breathed deeply, chest heaving. She knew he was overly fascinated by breasts and that he liked handling them. Vaguely, she recalled the time he attacked Tsukki's own with much vigor. Now, his attentions were on hers.

His lips hovered over her left breast, tentatively kissing a nipple lightly. Sacchan closed her eyes and shuddered. "Please..." she moaned, asking for more. He continued planting light kisses on the hardened peak. Then he licked it long and slow. She grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him closer, on the edge with his teasing.

Ignoring her movements, he continued with his sly actions. He sucked on her teat harshly for a few moments, followed by lapping while making delicious sounds. He then transferred to her other breast and lavished it the same way.

Sacchan was in heaven. She couldn't contain the energy building inside her for any longer. Gin-san was suckling on her like a baby that hadn't fed for days. Each tug he made on her nipple sent waves of tremors to the area between her legs. She wanted him so badly. He was so good at turning her on. Unwanted memories flooded in her mind, reminding her of his skills at pleasuring a woman.

With a change of heart, she pushed him off her. As he fell to the ground, she righted herself, pulling down her dress. She smoothened her hair as she stepped away, grabbing her glasses in the process.

He stood up, grumbling, hair even messier than usual and attractive. His eyes were flaming and his lips were bruised from all the kissing. Briefly, she wondered if she looked similar.

She stepped back when he started towards her.

"What's wrong?" He asked gruffly, panting.

"I can't, Gin-san." She said firmly yet short-winded. Apparently, she hadn't recovered her breathing.

His eyes narrowed, "Why not? You said you loved me, right? You shouldn't be holding back!"

"It's not that easy," she trembled, exasperated. "I haven't seen you for five years. This is all so sudden! You never even wanted me this close before!"

He grabbed her arm. "What's sudden is you disappearing all those years ago without warning. You didn't even try to contact anyone. Not even Hattori or your friends from Edo."

"We don't work with each other anymore. What I do is my business."

His grip tightened, "Why did you leave then? What have you been involved with? I know you're hiding something." His eyes bore into hers.

Before Sacchan could respond, the door exploded and Kagura ran inside followed by a coughing Shinpachi. They looked a bit taller and older than before.

"Gin-chan! What's taking so long?" Kagura roared, irritated. She turned to Sacchan. "Oh, hi Sacchan! It's great to see you. Gin-chan's been looking for you everywhere." She was chewing on a sukonbu.

"Kagura." The samurai said abruptly.

"Sacchan!" Shinpachi greeted, adjusting his own glasses. "You were great out there! But why are you at this place? We haven't seen you in years! Gin-san's been stressed over finding you."

"Enough talking, enough questions!" Gintoki barked, obviously irritated with the interruption. "Get out, you two. I still have something to discuss with her. Alone. Give me a few minutes."

"Gin-chan! I wanna go home and sleep! I've eaten so much tonight." Kagura pushed. "And we found Sacchan! That's good, right?"

Gin-san shooed them away impatiently. "Get out of here."

The two Yorozuya sidekicks walked through the hole where the door used to be. "We'll wait not more than fifteen minutes," Shinpachi threatened, "and then we'll leave you out here. See you, Sacchan."

"Like I care," Gin-san muttered, "after five years, I'm still stuck babysitting you kids."

Sacchan wondered what else there was to discuss. They should just forget this night ever happened. She would resume her usual routine and Gin-san would return to Edo, with Shinpachi and Kagura, back to Tsukki and they would never speak again.

Gin-san turned back to her, "I'll get straight to the point." He said, voice and expression serious. "It's as Kagura and Shinpachi have mentioned, I've spent years looking for you, _Sacchan_. I rummaged through every city and befriended the most suspicious people just to find out where you were all this time and what you've been up to."

Sacchan tried not to be affected by her name from his lips. He always called her 'stalker' but now he addressed her personally. He meant business.

"I'd almost given up, you know, searching. All my efforts have been futile... until tonight. It's been long days of working my ass off trying to find clues and nights of no sleep or rest with thinking. It wasn't easy. Hell, it's been one of the hardest and most frustrating endeavors of my life. I'm glad that tonight I was finally lucky."

"Why have you been looking for me, Gin-san? What do I have to do with anything?" Sacchan failed to understand his motives. There was no indication whatsoever for his desperation to find her. She had been lying low for the past few years. "I don't think there is anything I could help you with."

He shook his head, expression pained and appearing to struggle internally on whether or not he should explain. After taking a few deep breaths, his face hardened, jaw set, eyes piercing and frightening. Grabbing her hands, he drew them to his chest and held them there. "Why have I been looking for you? What do you have to do with it?" He repeated.

Sacchan nodded. "I don't have any information to offer. Not if it's related to my old job. I couldn't possibly be of use. You don't need me. You never needed me. I don't think you even care-"

"Because I  _missed_  you." He said, harshly, stepping closer to her until her face was only inches from his. "You left, things happened and it drove me mad. Your absence, I couldn't take it. I've been craving your presence, imagining your reasons. I needed to find you because you're the only one who can help me."

She stared at him, shocked and disbelieving. He was lying, she was sure, saying that he  _missed_  her. Without fail, he would always reject her presence. She was rarely useful to him, always ending up to be an annoyance.

The old her would have rejoiced upon hearing his revelations but right now, it didn't feel right. She severely doubted his sincerity. More importantly, she had changed, especially regarding the way she understood him. He didn't want her, he never did, and she knew that with all her heart. He never cared for her romantically and it was impossible for him to develop some feelings for her during her absence. He even had someone else, another woman he declared his love and desire for during their own heated lovemaking. He swore to protect and marry Tsukki, while she declared her love for him in return.

Which is why this entire situation was preposterous. Him supposedly going through so much trouble to find her and make such unbelievable declarations. She wasn't naive. She knew him well and so far, his words and actions were extremely contrived.

Dragging her hands back and turning away from him, Sacchan bent her head, "You're lying," she spit out. "I hate it when people lie to themselves."

"I am not lying," he countered.

"You don't want me, you never did. And... What about Tsukki?" She inquired woefully.

He did not answer for a few tense seconds. "What about Tsukki?" He asked, his voice menacing, voice strained.

"I know about your feelings for her," she revealed. "Aren't you two..." she paused, "together?"

"I am not with Tsukki right now," he bit out. "Stop changing the subject."

Sacchan could feel his anger increasing. "Just tell me the truth," she pleaded. "What do you want, Gin-san? Why are you here?" She could hear him exhaling with force.

He moved closer to her, his body pressed against her back. Placing his hands on her hips, he bent his head forward to whisper in her ear. "I want you," his voice was hoarse. "I want to go home with you tonight."

He wanted  _her_? "Gin-san, I don't understand-"

He moved closer, lips grazing her ear, "The reason I came here was to find you. I plan to stay with you, to live with you. I just want you to be mine,  _Sacchan_."

"You want to marry me?" Her heart skipped a beat. A  _proposal_? He'd done this before, when they first met, but it wasn't as unfounded as this.

"No," he chuckled meanly, "I want you as my lover."

Sacchan gasped at his words, awakened by them. So he wanted sex. "That's- that's-"

"Perfect. What you've always wanted. I know you want me,  _Sacchan_ ," he moved his lips to her neck, attacking it with slow, open-mouthed kisses. "Now I intend to have you too."

Sacchan was unable to concentrate on their conversation. He was kissing a very sensitive spot. "No. I meant- what I meant was that- ohhh!" She held tight on his arm.

"I won't take no for an answer." He growled. "Tonight, I'm coming with you. And just so you know,  _Sacchan_ , I'm a very eager and demanding lover." He emphasized this by rubbing his pelvis against her rear.

She gasped. "Gin-san, we should talk about this first."

"I'm too horny to continue talking. I wanna fuck soon." He was being so forward. "We'll deal with it after."

Resisting, she tried to speak firmly, "Let's discuss things tonight and rest then we'll see how it goes another time. Maybe tomorrow, all right?"

He turned her to face him, maintaining close contact. "I'm afraid you won't be getting any sleep tonight, or any other night, for that matter." Gin-san warned. "Mornings, we'd probably be busy too, and afternoons aren't an exception."

Biting her lip, Sacchan pushed away from his embrace. "I don't think we should! Not right away..."

"I think we should." He declared. "You've always acted like you wanted this to happen. Have you forgotten your tempting offers in the past? Well, right now I'm agreeing to it. I'm granting your requests. You should be happy and cooperate."

She felt cornered, unable to explain her hesitation. "This is very complicated."

"It's actually not," he smirked. "Just think of it as two people engaging in their mutual lust for each other."

Heart pounding, she asked, "But what about Kagura and Shinpachi? They're coming with us, right?"

Gin-san crossed his arms and took slow, measured steps towards her. His eyes were full of promise, glued to hers. Smiling slowly and mischievously, he said, "They already left."


	3. The First Time Will Hurt, Whether You Like It or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. Just so you know, this story is unbetaed. A bit late on the update. I blame the gargoyle nurse who kept yelling at me and insisted it was her just being "lively". Bitch, please. I have left her in the hands of karma. F*ck I reread chapter 2 why is it so awkward ugh I wanna redo it. No time. Anyway, this chapter is kinda um, graphic. Gin-san gets carried away with his emotions.

**Chapter 3: The First Time Will Hurt, Whether You Like It or Not**

Gintoki found himself following Sarutobi inside a neat apartment. There was a wide couch underneath the windows to his left and a small, short-legged table in front of it. A yellow vase with a single flower was on top of it. Two soft-looking chairs were also positioned around the piece of furniture. On the opposite wall, a flat screen television was hanging, flanked by an electric fan and a mini air-conditioner.

Straight ahead was the kitchen and dining area, partially covered by a flimsy-looking divider. From his position, he noted an empty table, a few chairs, and a sink on the counter under the blinds.

To his right were a pair of sliding doors. Beside it was another door with a knob. She shoved the first set open and stepped inside, revealing a large bedroom. He moved to follow her but she paused, glancing at him.

"I'm going to take a shower first," she said quietly. "You can turn on the TV." She nodded towards the area of the couch and television. "We'll talk when I'm done."

Gintoki stepped forward instead, pushing the doors open further. He marched inside the room, glancing around.

There was a pink futon at the middle with two pillows and a blanket folded on its side. A robe was hanging from a hook on the left wall with a board posted next to it. There were several pictures of her with various people and Amanto. A few handwritten notes were also scattered here and there.

Below it was a small desk with drawers, a mirror, a clock, and two stools - one small and round, the other slightly bigger with thick padding. Another television set was on the opposite side but other than that, the room was bare.

Gintoki noticed the lack of weapons or even possible items used for S&M.

Across them was another door which he boldly opened and found to be a bathroom. It was full of bottles, the kind used by women for their hair and skin, one after the other. There was a sink, a toilet bowl and surprisingly, a shiny bathtub complete with a shower and transparent curtain. A tinted square window was above the bath. There was a fluffy white towel hanging on one side of the room and pairs of silky underwear were also dangling nearby.

Smirking to himself, Gintoki realized he liked the place. He wouldn't mind living there. The only barb was the company.

His attention was drawn back to the stalker woman by a rustling sound. She had settled her things on the table and was removing her sandals. Feeling sheepish for not removing his boots at the entrance, he proceeded to do just that.

"You can wait here instead if you want." She said, her legs twisting, hands fidgeting. "I won't be long."

"No, I think I'll join you," he intoned, unwilling to waste time with dallying. "We can save water and minutes."

He undid his belt hastily and shrugged off his yukata, tossing both to the side. He pulled his shirt over his head then dragged down his pants and boxers unceremoniously.

She was blushing furiously and looking at him, unmoving. He simply stared back.

"Well, aren't you going to undress yet?" He asked softly but she remained frozen.

With raw purpose, he approached her and grabbed the hem of her slinky dress, yanking it upwards. He flung it away, focusing his gaze on her bouncing breasts which were newly freed. He bent his head and casually licked a nipple drawing a loud moan from her. Both peaks stiffened immediately.

He chuckled, liking her sensitivity and submissiveness, and proceeded to pull on her soft panties, revealing a smooth and hairless triangle above her thighs. Checking her expression, he detected an darker coloring of her cheeks. She was breathing heavily and looking down at him.

He slipped off her glasses and tossed them on top of her clothes before grabbing her hand and dragging her to the bathroom.

She complied, obediently stepping into the tub after him. Biting her lip, she silently turned away to start the water running. The water poured from overhead and drenched them both.

Gintoki grabbed her by the waist and crushed her lips to his. He ran his tongue rapidly and firmly against her soft entrance, ultimately pushing it in between them to ravish her. Her mouth was satiny and hot, delicious and responsive. Groaning with desire, he deepened the kiss as she spread her lips wider and wider, giving him more access.

He ran his hands up to her breasts, squeezing roughly and grinding his palms against her hardened buds. Whimpering, she fisted her hands on his chest in response. He continued to rub her vigorously, eliciting low hums from her throat.

Lowering his lips to her neck, he took several bites, marking her eagerly. She exclaimed noisily in response to his acts, seemingly unaware of her highly pleasured state. "Ah! Ah! Ahhh! Gin-san! Ohhh."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" He growled, liking the delicious sounds she was making. "Such a noisy kitten."

She gasped at the pet name, embarrassed. "K-kitten?"

"You sound like a kitten, whimpering in pleasure," he explained, amused. He arched her back towards him and licked his way down to her tempting bundles. She screamed when he sucked sharply on a nipple, alternating with licking circles on the bud. Without hesitation, he bit on the tip, drawing another cry from her.

Transferring to the other summit, he tasted it slowly and deliberately before powerfully nipping at it. He was fully aware of its effects on her - she let out desperate sounds and pulled hysterically at his hair. Gintoki sucked hungrily, liking the zest and feel of her inside his mouth. Her breasts were large and creamy, nipples delicate and velvety.

She was undeniably sexy. From her supple lips, needy moans, delicious breasts and their extreme sensitivity to her careless surrender clearly translated by the frantic grabbing of her hands. Because of this, he was alive and throbbing with need. With mere foreplay, they were closely driven to the edge. He wondered how much more intense it would be when they get to the real fucking.

"Don't stop," she cried, tugging him closer. She was wanton and extremely vulnerable, just as he required her to be. Mercilessly, he stroked her areolas with his tongue, dragging his teeth across them afterwards.

He raised his head and planted his forehead against hers, glaring into her eyes. "Tell me why you're here,  _Sacchan_. Why in a place far from Edo?" Distracted by his arousal, he found it difficult to speak.

She arched closer to him like mad, begging him to resume contact. "Edo?" She repeated in a daze.

"What are you doing here?" He asked again, agitated. "What have you been up to?"

"I-" She bit her lip, eyes closed, and rested her head on the crook of his neck. "Oh, Gin-san, I-," she sighed.

She was useless in this state. Her lack of explanation angered him and contributed to his suspicions. Did she really think she could hide behind a timid and innocent front without him deciphering her true motives?

Claiming her lips once more, he was aware of the dangerous and raging storm building up inside him. Memories of deprivation and loneliness enveloped him, transforming into hatred.

This stalker woman was sorely tempting but her wanton state was barely enough for him to ignore his feelings. She wasn't a delicate, scrumptous kitten. She was a treacherous and despicable carnivore.

Filled with a new sense of vigor, he pulled at her left thigh to wrap her leg around his waist basically creating contact between his length and her folds. He brushed carelessly against her, growling in ecstasy and infuriation. The feel of her wetness against his tip was maddening and he simply craved to bury himself inside her.

She continued to respond with thrusts and low, rapid moans.

"My sexy, needy kitten. You feel so good," he rasped, teeth bared.

With her eyes still closed, she threw her head back and cried out aimlessly. She joined him in his movements, circling her hips and pressing closer, drawing his tip inside. She seemed barely conscious of her actions, her body uninhibited.

Gintoki roared as he slipped a bit in between her folds but pulled away immediately, steadying her hips. "Wait, kitten," he growled, "be patient. I'll be fucking you soon enough."

"Gin-san, please," she begged, propelling her hips forward. "Please," she gasped.

He pulled her leg higher and slipped two fingers in between her folds. He stroked the outside, slowly and deliberately, making her buck her hips harder towards him. Taking his hands away as she whimpered, he switched to wrapping her other leg around his waist, gaining full access.

She dug her fingers into his shoulders, bracing herself.

Letting go of all his reserve, he slammed himself inside her fully, burying his length from hilt to tip. She screamed, followed by a miserable sob, implying that she was in a painfully uncomfortable situation. She tried to pull away but Gintoki held fast to her hips, keeping the contact.

Moaning as if in agony, she wiggled her hips and pushed at his shoulders. "It hurts, oh God. Gin-san, it hurts. I can't take it." Tears were streaming down her face.

"Relax, kitten." He grunted, very much annoyed at the circumstance. How was he supposed to know she was a virgin? She never seemed like one, with all her lewd proposals and shameless disposition. Her masochistic tendencies and potential sexual deviations didn't help the idea. She had been working at a raunchy bar for the past few years, wearing revealing clothing, and was surrounded by lecherous patrons. The thought of her remaining untouched was impossible.

He tried to ignore her hot tightness and the unintended thrill she was rousing in him as she squeezed with her muscles. The way her folds enveloped him, sucking him further inside, was magnetically driving him to the edge.

Still, he convinced himself, her predicament didn't affect him one bit. He was as intent on his goal since the beginning. Virgin or not, and despite her being incredibly alluring, she was of a suspicious nature in relation to a certain issue.

With a fierce cry, he drew back and began to pound into her violently, fingers tightly gripping her buttocks. He could hear her sobbing in effort. He knew he was a heartless bastard but he shouldn't care.

He was aware of his own unsympathetic expression, realizing that she could not see it due to her bad eyesight.

He increased his pace and thrust with even more turbulence, eliciting additional whimpers from her. She buried her face in his neck and tightened her grip on his shoulders. He was nearing his climax, he could feel it.

His body stiffened as he came, releasing his liquid inside her. He howled as he let loose, overcome with rapture.

Regaining a bit of control, he penetrated her a few more times before finally feeling spent. Both of them were panting heavily, she was also crying softly. They clung silently to each other for a few minutes.

Finally recovering, he reached to turn off the shower and then extricated himself from her. She winced and groaned as he did, almost slipping to the floor but not before he lifted her into his arms. He stepped out of the shower, with her in tow, and grabbed her towel before heading to the bedroom. Vaguely, he noticed a trickle of blood running down her inner thighs.

Kneeling, he settled her on the futon and draped the towel over her body. She held it tight around herself and continued to cry while avoiding his gaze. He could see the reddened bite marks on her neck, all of which he had savagely inflicted on her earlier. Her eyes were shining with tears soon flowing down her flushed cheeks. She was gasping through her swollen and trembling lips.

Turning away from him, she lay down on the flat bed.

Despite her miserable state, she was still remarkably alluring, her expression vulnerable and her body barely covered by a towel. He inched himself towards her and peeled it away. Gasping, she turned to him, eyes wide.

"Don't sleep yet, kitten," he ordered, "we're not done."

She shook her head, still in tears, "I can't, Gin-san, not tonight. I'm tired."

"We're doing it again," he said with finality. "Did you forget what I told you? There won't be much sleeping or resting tonight."

"I haven't forgotten. I'm just very sore right now," she admitted, blushing. "I don't think I can bear it if we- if we do it again."

Gintoki pushed her flat on the bedding and nudged her legs apart, settling in between her thighs. He couldn't make himself feel pity or give in to her pleas. He did warn her of his eagerness and demands.

"I won't be stopping anytime soon,  _Sacchan_." He cupped her breasts and lazily rubbed circles over her nipples. "I don't think I want to." She was biting her lip firmly, trying not to react. He continued to rub harder, making her unable to hold back a passionate sound from her lips.

"How can you get used to me if we don't keep doing it?" He admonished. "You'll adjust soon enough."

She was shaking her head as her mouth tried to form words to speak. He knew she was distracted by his intense massage.

"You've never refused pain before, remember? You even begged for it," he brutally reminded her. He pushed away the sense of guilt insidiously creeping up on him. His conscience was going to ruin everything.

Bitterly, he thought of his old self - a protective and sympathetic person. But people change, people change when traumatic and miserable things befall them. Personally, he wanted retribution. He wanted someone to atone for all the criminal garbage that caused him to experience loss and torment.

Still, he would never involve or harm an innocent. And even though this woman beneath him appeared to be sweet, vulnerable and delicious, he knew she was truly something else. She was an assassin after all, a dangerous ninja with weird tendencies and an unstable personality harboring a weird obsession over him.

She had also mysteriously disappeared all those years ago. If that wasn't a sign of guilt, then he didn't know what was. It was all so sudden and no one knew why. Suspiciously, it even coincided with-

Gintoki banished away his thoughts. His brain was worn out with repeated analysis of the situation for years. Overthinking was ultimately useless. He had already decided a long time ago.

She was breathing heavily, lips slightly parted and eyes heavily lidded. She was writhing on the futon, tightly holding on to the sheets with her fists. Gintoki was amazed by her arousal. Her breasts were certainly oversensitive. No one had probably ever done this to her before.

Watching her in this state excited him. He could feel himself hardening against her inner thighs. "You're making me want you so badly, kitten," he breathed.

"Gin-san," she gasped. "I can't take it."

With this, he transferred his hands to spread her thighs far apart and teased her with his tip a few times before thrusting into her mercilessly.

She was still tight and very much resistant. He pushed her legs to open her wider. Her entrance was delectably slippery, greedily consuming him and creating such frenzy. As he pumped, she continued to whimper but noticeably less than earlier. Sometimes, a pleasured mewl would escape her, sending furious tingles to his cock.

He lifted her legs to his shoulders, changing his angle inside. The alternate pressure around him enabled him to drive in deeper and faster.

Soon, his hips were mindlessly bucking against hers and he came ferociously, growling like an animal. He collapsed on top, still inside her, feeling extremely spent. She was moaning underneath him.

He pulled himself out in one swift movement and rolled off her, still panting. "I'm going to fuck you again, kitten," he promised. "I'll need a moment to recover."

Tonight, he felt alive and high with adrenaline. He could still go on, he thought. She would just have to keep up with him.

Things seemed according to plan. He had a very welcome progress in his pursuit.


	4. You Can Still Be Happy, Even if There is a Bit of Sadness in You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This little shit of a story is unbetaed so it may have a lot of off moments. Teehee. Gosh, I am losing sleep over writing this chapter. The reason is that sentences are forming rapidly in my head and if I don't jot them down immediately, I will lose them forever. I am lucky that today's OR schedule is kinda empty. Whee free day. As always, thank you for your reviews. :*

**Chapter 4: You Can Still Be Happy, Even if There is a Bit of Sadness in You**

The terrible burning in between her thighs woke Sacchan abruptly. She stirred, trying to make out what time it was but the clock only appeared as a blur. The window in her room was letting in some light. So, it was morning.

Sitting up, she wondered about the exact time, and winced as another ache emerged from her center. It reminded her of last night's events. Just thinking about it blew her mind.

It was all so wild... and unexpected.

Her body trembled as she recalled every bit of detail. Gin-san's sudden appearance, to his heated gaze, and the way he first kissed her sensually. She never realized her own sensitivity until he started teasing her. And the way he said that he  _missed_  her, calling her by her name and demanding she become his lover immediately.

Overwhelming was an understatement to describe it. But suspicious was seemingly appropriate.

Being closer to him though, she realized that her feelings haven't changed. She could not ignore the intensity in his eyes which he also delivered in speech and actions. He had made her feel wanted and sexy just in a single night of staying together. It was wonderful.

"Kitten..." he murmured from beside her, already awake. He was staring at her nakedness, eyes in a haze. He dangled her glasses in between them which she took and slipped on.

"Thank you, Gin-san." Sacchan sensed a few tingles in her body. Every time he called her  _kitten_ , she felt exposed and defenseless. It didn't help that he used a slow and deep voice that was overly seductive.

She always found him to be charismatic and irresistible yet she never really experienced the full extent of his sensuality. There was only one time she had seen him engage in raw, sexual passion - when he made love to Tsukki at the Yorozuya place. She was constantly trying to forget that heartbreaking memory.

Groaning, Gin-san idly stretched on the futon, still admiring her breasts. Sacchan watched his slow movement, taking in his rippling muscles and obvious maleness. Blushing, she recalled her body being repeatedly drawn against him, along with his rough, demanding penetrations.

He had fucked her spiritedly then, thrice. After the first time in the shower and the second on the futon, he continued his explicit perusal of her body. He had growled at her to get on her hands and knees as he impaled her brutally and severely from behind. The painful throbbing in between her legs was clear evidence of this.

Her gaze slid downward to see his full length, already large and erect. Seeing him closer in the morning light, she understood why she was sore and tender. His length seemed of an average male's yet his thickness was monumental. She felt a grand sense of accomplishment at having him fully inside her during her first experience.

"You want it, kitten?" He had seen the direction of her gaze, causing him to smile wickedly. He slid towards her, bending his head to enjoy her sensitive tip while leisurely teasing the other with his fingers.

Her toes curled and she keened in response, welcoming his contact. Curving her spine towards him, she pushed herself deeper into his mouth. He groaned, opening wider, trying to engulf her entire breast.

It was incredible, she thought, as she ran her fingers through his silver curls. He seemed to be genuinely reveling in her body. It would be difficult to feign this kind of desire. The idea stimulated her, gratifying her need for his attentions.

In the background, she ambiguously heard a familiar message alert tone. Being otherwise occupied, her brain took a few seconds before realizing her cellphone had beeped.

"Wait, Gin-san," she pulled away, hearing a popping sound from his lips as he reluctantly released her nipple.

"It can wait," he said impatiently, moving his head to resume suckling her.

"It might be important. And I should be ma-making b-breakfast," she wheezed as he captured her other breast.

"Mmm..." Only stopping for a moment, he said, "This could be breakfast. I'm not complaining."

"W-what? Gin-san!"

He did not respond, taking his time to savor her body. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, groaning and humming with approval as he tenderly caressed her waist and pulled her closer.

Sacchan didn't bother to argue. Closing her eyes, she basked herself in the inevitable. As she started to spread her legs, he stopped and raised his head, making her to gasp.

"All right, kitten. Breakfast," he said abrubtly, jaw set and serious. "Maybe you should cook while I take a cold shower. Unless you want to join me?"

Sacchan shook her head, still dazed, and stood shakily. She was still aware of him leering at her as she grabbed her robe and wrapped it around herself. Sliding the doors open, she hastily stepped out and shut the entry behind her.

Taking a few seconds to catch her breath,she leaned against the wall. Gin-san was terribly confusing, she mused. At one point he was teasing her, seductively exploring her body and then moments after, he was angry and uncaring, even violent. He appeared to contain some internal struggle with reasons she was not aware of.

It was possible that his rage was related to Tsukki. After all, weren't they supposed to be together, in love and married? It was certainly puzzling how five years later, Gin-san was claiming to be single and taking her as his paramour.

_I am not with Tsukki right now_ , were his words. It made her wonder. Did something happen with Tsukki? Did they have a fight and then separate? Had someone else caused a rift between them? Did Gin-san decide to seek comfort in another woman's arms because of that? And was that woman her?

Sacchan sadly pushed away her speculations of Gin-san using her for some kind of rebound sex. Surely it was a hassle for him to have gone all this way just for that. Especially when there were loads of women in Edo alone who would willingly sleep with him.

Shaking her head, she vowed to ask him about it once they were in better terms. For now, there were still a few barriers and awkwardness to overcome. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was keeping something from her. Her only query was to what it specifically was about.

Heading to the kitchen, she started preparing the food and stove.

Only a few minutes passed before Gin-san strolled into the kitchen, freshly showered and smelling like her shampoo. She smiled to herself, liking the idea of sharing a scent with him. It already made them feel closer. She would willingly share anything, especially her bed, just to increase their connection.

"What's for breakfast?" He asked from behind her.

"Bacon, eggs..." she trailed off opening the fridge. "There's also bread and milk if you want cereal or oatmeal."

"No natto?" He inquired.

"Oh, no. I didn't think you'd like natto." She said wryly. "You've always complained it was disgusting."

"Huh," was all he said as he sat down and started to eat without her.

She watched as he gobbled up his food, with no appreciation in his face as he did. She hoped she had prepared something sweet instead, which was probably more to his liking.

He finished eating in no time and stood up, stretching, while glancing around with a bored expression.

Silently, she gathered the dishes and started to clean them at the sink. She felt a bit ignored.

He moved behind her, pushing her robe up, revealing her naked backside.

"Gin-san!" She cried, unable to move as he smoothed her skin with his palms.

"Breakfast was good," he murmured, "but I want some sweet desserts." He bent her forward and split her cheeks, running a finger downward only to be interrupted by a sharp rap on the front door. He cursed grimly, facing the sound.

Sacchan stepped away from him and repositioned her wrap-around. She could see him zipping up his pants as he walked to the door with a bombed expression. Wondering who could be knocking, she followed him, lagging a few steps behind.

The door opened to reveal Katsura Kotarou, an old comrade of Gin-san's who was now the leader of a rebellious faction in Edo. He looked no different than before, with his dark hair still long and shiny. Even his clothes remained identical from years ago. The only inconsistency was the absence of his forever companion, the shady Elizabeth-san. Was it a Monday?

It was quite odd seeing Katsura here, a good distance from Edo but he didn't seem to be surprised to meet her. Instead, he gave her a curt nod, expression remaining serious.

"What do you want, Zura?" Gin-san sounded forcefully bored.

"I am not Zura! I am Katsura!" Their visitor countered, annoyed.

Gin-san's voice was harsh. "I told you not to come see me, Zura. I will find you if it's necessary."

"For the nth time, I am not Zu-"

"Can it!" Gin-san snapped. "Why are you here?"

Katsura took a deep breath, "Gintoki, I have some new..." his eyes turned to her for a second before returning to Gin-san, " _information_ ," he finished vaguely.

Gin-san visibly stiffened. "Damn it, Zura! Be quiet," he hissed, slightly turning his head towards her. "Let's go."

"To the  _place_ , you mean? This, by the way, could affect the  _plan_."  _And I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura!_  His eyes said.

"Not another word." Gin-san uttered threateningly.

Sacchan wondered why they were being so secretive. She had a suspicion that Gin-san was trying to keep her out of the conversation.

Nudging Katsura out the door, Gin-san grabbed his sword and started to follow.

She called out his name tentatively and he faced her with a determined expression.

"I'm heading out," was all he said before stepping through and slamming the door behind him.

She sighed and sat down. Surely, something was amiss.


	5. To Be Objective, You Must Push Aside Your Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. I'd really appreciate it! This thingy is unbetaed, sorry. I've been busy. So much revising was necessary with the previous chapters. Oh, btw... Remember the scene from episode 165, guys? It kinda inspired me for this fic. I hope Gin-san's feelings have been addressed well in this chapter, ultimately sort of explaining why he is doing whatever it is he is doing. Thanks for the feedback!

**Chapter 5: To Be Objective, You Must Push Aside Your Emotions**

The two samurai briskly navigated the streets towards their local hideout.

Gintoki was fuming. "Could you be a little more subtle, Zura? And next time, don't show up at that place," he hissed, glancing around to see if anyone was following them.

"She's not coming after us." Katsura said calmly. "You are suspecting the wrong person, Gintoki."

"The hell I am! She's involved in this, I can feel it." His fist clenched painfully around his sword.

"What if you're wrong?"

"I can't be," he countered, as they entered the ramen place chosen specifically by Katsura. They walked directly into the kitchen and through a hidden door, which led to a modest den.

A few lamps illuminated the place revealing brick walls and a low ceiling. On the large sofa were Shinpachi and Kagura, watching television. Shinpachi's eyes often flicked towards another figure sitting on the rug. Otsuu, a well known pop idol singer, had joined them.

"Hello Gin-san, Katsura-san!" She was beaming at them, one eye closed in a wink. "Shinpachi-kun said we have a meeting-arbage breath."

Gintoki flopped down beside Kagura, picking his ear. "Yes. Zura, needs to tell us what he discovered."

A shout could be heard in the background sounding like "I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura, dammit!"

"Gin-san, how is Sacchan?" Shinpachi inquired. "Did you talk to her?"

With a forced laugh, Kagura answered, "I think they did more than talking, heh."

"Stop talking like a naughty youngster," Gintoki scolded.

"Ha! I'm no dirty kid, you're the dirty old man, doing dirty things to Sacchan." Kagura slapped his forehead. "We know what you've been up to."

"Stop saying dirty! It sounds dirty! And look, you're making me say it too."

Shinpachi stood up, yelling. "Hey! We're focusing on the wrong thing! Gin-san, are you avoiding the issue? What did she say about the-"

"Is everyone just going to ignore me?" Katsura asked from the door, arms crossed.

"Hi there, I'm being ignored also-aked balls in pee." Otsuu piped in.

Kagura rolled her eyes, "See, she's the one talking dirty."

"I'm as polite as I can be-arded ass."

"Otsuu-chan is never dirty! Even when she poops, she smells angelic!" The boy in glasses was passionately defending his idol, as usual.

"Poop is never angelic. Not even the ones that fall from the skies," Katsura opined.

"I wish knives would fall from the skies and impale all of you," Gintoki muttered.

"Can knives do that, Gin-chan, huh?"

"This meeting is very confusing-le monkey."

Pulling on his hair, Gintoki roared, "Everyone shut the fuck up! We're wasting too much time with this idiotic conversation."

"Sorry, Gin-san," Shinpachi nodded. "Katsura-san, please tell us the news."

Taking a seat on the rug, Katsura spoke gravely. "It is as we suspected. The Kiheitai are in the area."

Gintoki's pulse jumped, "What?"

"A few members have been spotted by my subordinates," his comrade continued.

"Who?" He demanded, desperate for answers.

"They have encountered Kamui-"

"Nii-san!" Kagura exclaimed, eyes wide. "Nii-san is here?"

"Yes, Leader."

Kagura was speechless. Gintoki noted she had a grim expression and was clenching her fingers. "Who else, Zura?"

"It's not Zura, I'm Katsura," he muttered. "The weirdo strategist, Henpeita Takechi. They also mentioned a third companion, he seems familiar to them but is not a known member of their group."

"What do you mean, familiar? What about Takasugi, wasn't he with them?" He could feel his urgency for more details. This was a sudden but gratifying development in his search.

Katsura shrugged, "He reminds them of someone. They caught a glimpse of his hair... it seemed amber, but they were at a dark place. That was the extent of their view. Takasugi has not yet appeared but it doesn't mean he's not already in the area."

"He is pretty good at hiding himself," Gintoki mused. Taking a shaky breath, he asked, "What about their captives? Are there any in tow?"

"We haven't uncovered anything about that," his voice was apologetic, "yet."

He could feel himself seething. So, things have escalated, but not as much as he wanted. The most crucial information he needed was still missing. Whatever Katsura had revealed only served as confirmation, not a solution.

Otsuu's voice broke his thoughts, "Tsunpo-kun is also here, he took a leave and said he'd be coming to this place-ment brain."

Gintoki did not reply. He didn't care if the entire faction was here. He only hoped to see one person. The assurance of that life was the most valuable encouragement he could receive.

"What did you find out at your end, Gin-san?" Shinpachi questioned again.

"Practically nothing. That damn stalker is useless," he spit out bitterly.

"Maybe she doesn't know anything, huh, Gin-chan." Kagura was always defending the Sarutobi woman. Both she and Shinpachi were quite reluctant to engage in his plans. Zura also sided with them, only supporting his hunt for Shinsuke Takasugi.

He disagreed with the three, firmly believing she was related to the atrocity, even indirectly. The group they were chasing possessed a warrior with ties to Yoshiwara. Yoshiwara meant Jiraia, former Oniwabanshuu ninja.

And Jiraia meant Tsukuyo.

The mere thought of her was torture.

He was still under the impression that Jiraia may be alive. The man had deserted his former group and killed most of its members, leaving only a few survivors. One of those remaining was Ayame Sarutobi.

His anger intensified. Why would Jiraia fail to eliminate the other ninjas unless he had some use for them later? He had already spoken with Zenzou Hattori, another former spy and assassin of the Oniwabanshuu, countless times about this. The man was now a freelancer, and leads a new band of ninjas, the Shinobi 5.

Unfortunately, they all steered him to a dead end.

The only present link to the situation was the woman he had taken to bed the night before. She was affiliated with the Oniwabanshuu, hence, Jiraia, and her life was conveniently spared by the Red Spider.

Most importantly, she had rivaled Tsukuyo for his affections, that of which she refused to back down from. She was a persistent and obsessive pest who perpetually chased and coveted him. That woman was determined.

He doubted she would refuse the opportunity to obtain her ambitions.

Now, Tsukuyo was caught in the middle of this tragedy.

If there was a woman he genuinely longed for, it was her. She was the most captivating female he had ever known. Never, in his entire life, had his heart beat with such purpose, until he met her.

But she had disappeared soon after they swore to spend their lives together.

Saying he missed her was to underestimate his sentiments. Tsukuyo had become a part of him that he wanted to cherish and protect forever. He knew this kind of dedication rarely manifested in him. He was in love with her.

That stalker woman was nothing compared to his beloved.

The Courtesan of Death. Her image was still clear to him in his head and heart.

Tsukuyo, a sandy-haired beauty, who exhibited both strength and agility. He admired her grace and skill at fighting. There was always raw passion in her. She intrigued him from the beginning, from her appearance to her individuality. He was crazy about her.

Tsukuyo was gorgeous, inside and out. The scars on her face brought character, accentuating her depth. He loved her scars and never saw them as flaws. He always ran his lips over them to show her his appreciation of her past. Her eyes were magnificent, full of understanding and he could feel their souls connect whenever they gazed at each other.

When he kissed her, he felt a new meaning to his life. She reawakened his resolve to defend and treasure the people most precious to him. Her lips were enticing, shy yet always responsive and bore kisses full of affection. They usually made out for hours, savoring each other until fulfillment, or if others interrupted.

His most favored part of her body are her mouthwatering breasts, which are incomparably exquisite. Her sighs when he teased her with his hands and lavished her with his mouth were extremely addicting. Since the day she had given him full access to her body, he never missed a chance to play with her soft mounds.

Tsukki, he called her, a name most fitting to someone tantamount to the dazzling moon. He considered her his regal princess, always wanting to make love to her over and over. Their bodies were always in sync, automatically giving and taking entirely with each other. She filled his need yet she also made him thirst for more. He loved their untamed and poignant connection.

She wasn't a virgin when they first slept together, unlike Sarutobi who was shockingly one, but Gintoki didn't care. He knew Tsukuyo had a difficult past, and she gave up a lot of things to cope with it. He accepted her for that and it made him prouder. Sarutobi, on the other hand, had her own shady past, despite her innocent appearance.

He refused to acknowledge his uncontrollable craving, or any hypnotic affinity, for that unpleasant stalker.

Admittedly, she was physically appealing, as he assessed earlier. Though she lacked profundity, only focusing on her pervertedness and obsessions. She was loud and desperate, even clumsy without her glasses. The only thing she was passionate about was her infatuation with him. She submitted herself completely during sex, with reckless abandon. Her body, overly sensitive and responsive, was a tool for their lust.

She kissed with good fervor, akin to a whore for temporary satisfaction. It was sensual enough to keep him interested. Her breasts were large and appetizing but he preferred Tsukuyo's more ample and bouncy ones.

She was a good fuck, he'd give her that. Tight, wet, hot and thrusting lasciviously - a real turn on with women. But he believed she was forgettable. Nothing about bedding her was special. He would gratify his libido for now, but once he succeeds in his endeavor, he will certainly forget about her.

Later that night, he returned to his new household, expecting Sarutobi to be asleep. He intended to wake her and seduce her into revealing some information. To his unfortunate surprise, she was not at home.

He bristled, immediately presuming she was occupied by treacherous affairs. Specifically one that likely involved the Kiheitai matter.

With newfound loathing, he tore through the house, desperately trying to uncover something...  _Anything_... That would make sense of this inferno.

A few hours after midnight, she arrived, looking weary and flushed. She shrieked upon witnessing the mess he created.

"Gin-san! What happened?" She cried in distress. He thought she might've looked troubled that her skeletons were discovered.

Grabbing her by the arm tightly, he slammed her against the wall. "Where the hell have you been? It's late."

Wincing, she pulled his fingers off her. "I was out with some friends."

"Friends?" He boomed, "Assassins? Criminals?"

"What? No!" Her eyebrows were drawn together. "My friends from work."

"You're lying!" His volume had increased. The anger in him was slipping out.

Shocked, she simply stared at him. With a shake of her head, she walked to her room, carefully avoiding the scattered objects on the floor. She gasped when she saw the additional jumble inside.

He saw her bend down to pick up and rearrange the items, slamming them on the table. She kicked the drawers closed and shot him an irritated look. He hoped his face mirrored his hatred. He followed her inside, ready for a dispute.

She kept her back to him instead, silently smoothing out the covers of her bed. Sighing deeply, she took off her coat, uncovering a sleeveless blouse hanging from her shoulders.

He took note of her scrumptious breasts, raised by a lacy bra visible through her top. Her hips were covered by a puffy white skirt, barely reaching her knees. Moving forward mechanically, he knelt behind her and slipped his hands under her blouse to yank at the hook of her bra.

She mumbled, leaning her head on his shoulder. She smelled of cigarettes and she was weeping.

He seized her breasts possessively beneath her underwear, caressing them with energy. "Why are you crying, kitten?" He breathed. She was so supple in his hands. He ran his fingers over the erect centers with feathery light strokes despite his urge to hurt her.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, leaning into his touch. "Gin-san," she moaned in surrender, "don't be angry at me. I don't want to fight." He caught a hint of alcohol on her breath.

Moved by her wayward intensity and words, he gave in, hauling their bodies together and overwhelming her repeatedly until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used nii-san instead of big brother because I cannot take the words big brother seriously. LOL. I did use the five year gap to change the characters 'cause of the premise of this story. They've barely interacted in years so she's probably not as comfortable with him especially with what happened. Meek and tender Sacchan is inspired by the side of her we saw in the Glasses Arc of the manga/anime. I'd like to think that Gin-san brings that out in her because she has strong feelings for him.


	6. Entering Someone's Heart is Easy, Just Be Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fan fic is unbetaed, sorry. I wrote this in 4 hours OMG but chapter 5 is still pending. Fuck chronology. Hee! "Once upon a time, there was a demon who chose to oppose the heavens." and "The look of a beast that desires blood and the soul. Those are the eyes of a wild beast." -- I took that from a Gintama movie/episode. Thanks for the feedback! (";)

**Chapter 6: Entering Someone's Heart is Easy, Just Be Yourself**

The room was pitch dark with a deafening silence surrounding it. Not a shadow nor a dim light was visible in the blackness of the window. There was no apparent movement signaling the presence of another living being.

Her glasses were impossible to find in this emptyness. A glance towards the table revealed a dead clock. Reaching beside her, she felt a cold and empty spot on the sheets.

She was alone.

Then the rain poured, banging on the roof, accompanied by a ghoulish howling of the wind.

_Bam!_

The doors split open, inviting harsh raindrops and a wild, chilling breeze. A figure was slowly emerging from the daze of the storm, unaffected by its force.

It stopped at the entry, growling and locking its scorching red gaze on her. Silver strands of hair were whipping around its face which bore a deadly snarl, teeth visible with anger.

Moving closer, its face was illuminated by the moon, painting a picture of a white demon.

_Once upon a time, there was a demon who chose to oppose the heavens._

Shiroyasha.

It possessed a blade, gleaming and stained by magenta, which it rapidly slashed in her direction.

She tried to scream but she was incapable of any form of movement.

The creature loomed over her, bloodshot eyes and savage expression, claws on its weapon. It drew the sword back, aiming at her mercilessly.

_The look of a beast that desires blood and the soul. Those are the eyes of a wild beast._

"I'LL KILL YOU!" It roared.

There was pain before everything returned to darkness.

A rustle of papers brought her back to consciousness.

She was on her bed, covered only by blankets. Reaching above her, she located her glasses and wore them.

It was a sunny afternoon. Gin-san was unexpectedly home, staring at the pictures and notes on her board. He had a careless appearance but she knew he was really tense and brooding inside. There was always a subtle alertness in him nowadays.

Sitting on the larger stool, he pulled the drawers open, studying each of its contents. His other hand crept under the table, feeling for hidden pockets or buttons. He glanced at her movement, eyes bored and indifferent upon being discovered.

Sacchan knew he would be disappointed. There was nothing to find. A month has passed since he started living with her and since then, he was constantly suspicious, grabbing every opportunity to ransack her home... And her life.

He was unaffected by being caught snooping around.

Mostly, he would interrogate her face to face, demanding information about the Oniwabanshuu and its dealings. When she failed to satisfy his curiosity, he would begin to focus on her body, driving her insane until she unveiled something useful to him.

He was never appeased by her words. Until now, she was unsure of what he was trying to get out of her. She had already told him everything she knew.

Every time, he was convinced she was lying.

"Finally, you're awake," he called out. "It's almost mid-afternoon."

Sacchan wasn't surprised. She ended up sleeping in lately due to exhaustion. At night, she performed at the bar and would be kept busy by Gin-san by the time she returned. She also found herself doing more housework, shopping and cooking. She felt like an unappreciated, overworked wife.

"The Oniwabanshuu has disbanded and only a few survived the massacre," he murmured.

She was one of the few survivors. They've discussed this for the past week.

"Jiraia, he used to be affiliated with your old group. Why did he try to eliminate its members?" Gin-san pursued the conversation. Presently, he was calm.

"It was after he left. He kept his reasons to himself. No one knows why he did it. We never found out what he was up to. I guess he never planned for anyone to escape," she explained. Memories of the massacre engulfed her, awakening a horror that never faded.

"You already said that," he bit out, anger surfacing. "It's impossible to have no hunch regarding his betrayal."

Sacchan shrugged, unable to contribute anything further. She was getting tired of the issue. He said that she was the only one who could help him but she disagreed.

She did not have whatever it was he was looking for.

He adjusted himself on the large stool, lips pressed together. "Come here," he ordered.

Sighing, Sacchan complied, holding the blanket against herself as she approached him. She already knew where this was heading.

He grabbed her once she was within reach and ripped the sheet away.

Before she knew it, she was straddling him. His proximity made her shiver and she sighed, pleased with the physical contact. His eyes were flaming and wild, teeth bared, reminding her of a dream.

"Are you going to tell me anything useful or do I have to fuck it out of you again?" He was crushing her hips with his fingers.

She moaned in pain and with his words, covering his fingers with her palms, "I already told you everything," she cried.

"Stop lying to me you fucking liar!" He shook her savagely.

"It's the truth."

He let out a harsh, raging breath. "That's what you always say," he mocked, "and yet when I start touching you..." he licked her clavicle, making her shudder.

"... You give me a little piece of valuable information," Gin-san finished. He grasped her breast with his mouth, eagerly sipping from its tip.

She gasped, holding him close by his head, keeping their connection, enjoying the way he never faltered in toying with her breasts. He spread his thighs to open her wider, his fingertips running lightly along her entrance. She shivered, offering her center to him.

He groaned as he stroked her and ate at her nipple, sucking it dry. Switching to the other, he used his tongue to flick and encircle it with greedy licks.

Sacchan reveled in the feel of his mouth. He always took the chance to grab and suck on her breasts, even instructing her to remain braless at home. She would often find him staring at them, even through her clothes. They seemed to arouse and fascinate him.

The idea pleased her, knowing she possessed something he enjoyed. He continued to taste her wildly while humming with satisfaction, reenforcing her thoughts. His hand, too, continued to stroke her, drawing louder cries from her mouth.

"Kitten..." he breathed, inserting two fingers inside her.

She bucked her pelvis, taking him deeper. It was unbearable, the sensation of his digits. She wanted him so badly. Twirling her hips in demand for more, she felt his knuckle brush against her sensitive bud. She screamed, repeating her movement.

He sucked more violently and fucked her with his fingers. Sacchan drove her hips to and fro, attempting to achieve the peak she craved. As she moved, she found it difficult to gain satisfaction. She felt the need for more. She wanted him inside her, his piercing hot manhood taking her to new heights.

Fumbling for his pants, she dragged his zipper down, slipping inside to expose his thickness. She ran her fingers up and down his length, earning a gratified sound from his throat.

He parted with her breasts and wrapped his free hand around hers on his cock, guiding her to a sensual up and down movement. His hips plunged forward, pushing himself against her palm.

"Gin-san, I want you inside me," she begged.

"I'm already inside you, kitten. You're so tight and wet." His voice was strained.

She tightened her grip on him, "No... I meant this." Her desperation was increasing.

"I'll do it if you answer my questions truthfully," he conditioned. "It's a reward, kitten."

Whimpering, she nodded, running out of patience.

"Tell me you want it."

She pulled on his cock, dragging it to her entrance, "I want it, Gin-san. I want you inside me!"

He removed his fingers and raised her above his length, pulling her down to enter her slowly.

Sacchan sighed in fulfillment as he deliciously filled her, stretching her walls. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she braced herself, bouncing eagerly on his lap.

She no longer felt uncomfortable with his size. Gin-san was right, she became used to him after countless times of having sex in the past month. She now welcomed his invasion, wanting to receive every bit of pleasure from him.

"Tell me now," he urged, "how did you survive?" He was pumping furiously into her.

She moaned and thrust against him. "It was a blur, Gin-san."

"I want details." His fingers were digging into her cheeks, gaining leverage for his jerks. "Did he spare your life? Or were you lucky?"

"I survived by my skills." She kept talking, not wanting him to be angry. If she displeased him, he would stop and she didn't want him to. She needed more friction to achieve her climax.

He pushed harder, deeper, nudging her to continue.

"I remember fighting blindly, and then escaping." She bit her lip, trapped in the midst of ecstasy and distress. "Zenzou yelled at me... To run as fast as I could... I was badly wounded but..."

"But what?"

"But I... I successfully... Shook off my... My pursuers." She could see his face, intent and solemn, hanging on to her words. "I m-met Zenzou weeks after... But Jiraia d-didn't... Come after us." Her body was giving in, nearing its release.

"Did you hear from him after?" His voice was harsh in her ear. He was still fucking her, increasing his pace.

Sacchan came, feeling her heart explode from her lips, dense spasms occurring at her walls, milking him. Screaming, she threw her head back, clinging to him with her arms.

He held her as she collapsed, dangling, and he continued to thrust into her until he reached his own climax. He grunted, spilling his hot seed, filling her with his fluids.

They held on to each other, gasping for air. Sacchan lay her head on his shoulder and touched a soft kiss to his neck.

He stiffened and raised her to look him in the eye. "Did you encounter Jiraia afterwards?" His breath was shallow and rapid from his lips.

She wanted to kiss him. "No, Gin-san. I never saw him again."

"Where is he now?" He pressed, still looking interested.

Shaking her head in confusion, she murmured, "He's gone. They said he died when you fought him at Yoshiwara. Don't you remember?" Sacchan avoided mentioning Tsukki. She was involved in that battle and based on the rumors, she and Gin-san had some very significant moments with each other during that time.

He shook his own head, "They never found his body."

She gasped, "He's alive?" A flash of alertness ran through her.

"You tell me," he spoke evenly.

"I have no idea." Her words were true. She never saw Jiraia again nor did she hear anything about him after his supposed death. It was certainly a big deal if he were alive. Was that Gin-san's mystery to solve? Then she couldn't help him. "Zenzou... He might know. He saw Jiraia before his death."

Gintoki laughed bitterly, "You're certainly testing my patience, kitten." He dragged her off his lap and stood up, back to her. "I fought with him at Yoshiwara. And don't you think I've already checked on Zenzou Hattori? You're my remaining link to this problem."

"I don't know anything, Gin-san!" She was getting frustrated. Why won't he believe her? Why does he keep insisting that she was involved?

"So you say," his face was enraged, mouth twirling in disgust. "The faster you reveal things, the easier I can get to the bottom of this. Now stop with the pretense and tell me a legitimate story for once."

"I have been telling you everything I know," she lamented. Her heart was constricting painfully at his distrust.

"You are seriously pissing me off to the point of murder." He grabbed his sword, glaring at her savagely. "You make me sick."

Then he left, once again slamming the front door behind him.


	7. It's Easy to Forgive, As Long As You Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is unbetaed, sorry. Sorry for the late update. Work's been super busy lately. And I kinda modified the plot a bit. Kinda. Been checking old episodes and the manga for a bit of help in threading this entire thing together. Crazy stuff. Ch 350/Ep 229 omg Alpha Gin-san! Hehe. And the Gintoki line in Ch 391, "Cause tonight you won't be sleeping". Well, taken out of context haha. He still said it!!

**Chapter 7: It's Easy to Forgive, As Long As You Forget**

His only sanctuary nowadays was their ramen house base, which was truly wretched indeed. The place always smelled of that noodle, no matter how much cleaning Shinpachi did. Although, being literally next door to the kitchens was probably the main cause.

Gintoki frowned, checking the fridge for some sweets only to find it empty except for old candy wrappers and a dark bottle he wouldn't dare touch. Somehow, he regretted not taking a strawberry drink from Sarutobi's ref cooler before leaving. She always stocked up on them since he started living there.

But, he told himself, ramen was loads better than having to deal with  _natto_. Not that he had seen or smelled it recently. She also made quite an effort to keep him away from that stinky fermented substance he hated.

The television at this place rarely had reception either. Only Shinpachi knew how to adjust the antenna to clearer channels. The boy was always explaining about keeping the two sticks at an angle but seriously, Gintoki was too damn preoccupied to even bother understanding the mechanics. His TV at the Yorozuya place was easier to fix.

He wasn't even angry anymore, and this surprised him. He was simply tired. Tired of going through the same thing over and over without recompense.

It was probably a dead end. As usual.

And maybe the Sarutobi woman was scrunched dry of information. He spurned that idea immediately, knowing there was still somehing to be revealed about her departure from Edo.

But what of Tsukuyo? She had to be alive. He knew it. He could feel it. Where was she though? Was she well? Or was she being kept in a web of torture?

His heart constricted at the thought of her being hurt or defiled. He was terribly reminded of her previous capture by Jiraia and the way he had harmed her while keeping her trapped in his dangerous threads. That man's revolting outlook in life and twisted love for his student drove him to do monstrosities. Now, whoever was behind this debauchery would pay. He hated the fact that he was unable to protect someone so precious to him. Even worse, he had to resort to his own iredeemable actions for now.

Never, in his life, had he found himself become so active for a cause. The madness within him had awakened, and every step forward only fueled it. It was unstoppable.

His dark thoughts were interrupted by a hairy man climbing through the window. His eyes were completely covered by his bangs, which were light brown, and his chin sported a goatee of the same color. Clad in his royal blue ninja suit, he stood infront of Gintoki with half his attention on him and the rest on the latest JUMP issue in his hands.

"Give me that!" Gintoki grabbed the comic and flipped over the pages. He still needed to catch up on the latest chapter of Naruto.

"I wasn't finished with that," Zenzou Hattori, the ninja, attempted to retrieve his book. He fell back against the wall after Gintoki had planted a square kick on his gut. So much for being a highly skilled member of the Oniwabanshuu.

Kagura entered, picking her nose, and was followed by Otsuu, carrying her portable recorder. "Hemorrhoid ninja! You're finally here!"

"Yep. I received a nice, warm welcome. Very nice, indeed."

"Would you have preferred it if I kicked you in the ass?" Gintoki murmured lazily, turning a page.

"Ha! I doubt you'd have a good aim. Only Sarutobi could target it well, even without her glasses."

Gintoki was silent at that. He was superbly aware of everyone's eyes on him. He tried to ignore them but the persistent prickling on the back of his neck was starting to make him very uncomfortable.

"What?" He screamed, unable to put up with their accusing stares. "What is it? What are you people trying to do, huh? Are you drilling holes into my head with your eyes? I can feel the beams! They may be invisible but they burn. Like hell! What are you trying to accomplish? Huh?"

"Gintoki-san, you sound guilty-boobalies," Otsuu giggled.

"GUILTY? Who's guilty? Definitely NOT ME!"

Kagura kicked his leg, "You're not fooling us, you criminal! Now bend over and keep your hands above your head." She produced a pair of cuffs. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." Twisting his arms behind him, she continued, "Now keep talking!"

Gintoki bawled, "The pain, Kagura! I mean, OFFICER. The pain! Where's my lawyer?"

"I'm afraid Attorney Sadaharu is unable to fit through the door."

"Why is my public defender a freaking animal who only bites people's heads off?"

"That's what lawyers do, Gin-san. It's a common trait of theirs-olicigator."

"Do we always have to go through this crap every time we're here?" He muttered in anguish.

Everyone chorused, "Yes!"

"We still do not agree with your plans regarding Sarutobi." Zenzou had his arms crossed and his head was bowed.

Kagura grabbed his face, her large eyes focused on him, "Sacchan would  _never_  try to harm Tsukki! She may be crazy and obsessed with you but she's a good person."

"I've known Sarutobi since the academy and believe me, vengeful jealousy is not her style, despite her persistence." Zenzou sighed, shaking his head. "She is unlikely to be affiliated with the Kiheitai or Jiraia at this point. Remember, Jiraia was also an enemy to her. The other shinobi and I have found no traces of Sarutobi in any of their dealings."

"You guys have been repeating this same shit for the last few years. But tell me, have any of you explained  _why_  she disappeared then? Right around the time Tsukuyo was gone?" He was aware of the hatred and intensity of his voice. They always insisted that Sarutobi was innocent, based on what they knew of her. Well, he thought that he knew her too. He was mistaken.

Why did she conveniently drop out of sight during the chaos? She left her friends -even her supposed best friend- behind during a time of crisis. It was despicable.

People who have a common enemy are bound to become friends. He believed that she and Jiraia had a similar target, and that they joined forces. Somehow.

"Well, did she reveal anything to you? Does it seem like she's hiding something-amadoodle?"

He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. "She won't budge. Maybe I need more time." Punching the wall, he growled, "But I don't have any more time!" The longer he took, the farther he was from finding Tsukuyo.

He lost her on that fateful night. Without warning, she was gone. They had plans of taking on the Kiheitai together but apparently, they got to her before they even finalized everything. After searching for so long, he's finally close. They were in the area, the enemy. He also came across the woman who might have aided them in Tsukuyo's capture. It won't be easy to get her back but he knew that whether it be hell or even under the sheets, he'd see it through for his love.

Yes, hell. He knew that place was waiting for him, a demon in his past, even a demon in the present. His future was decided. He employed deceit, lies and seduction as a means for his goals. Fuck it all. He may even have broken a few hearts - those of his friends and comrades, the people who believed in him and the woman he was currently punishing for the events he blamed her for.

Even his teacher would be disappointed, be it him looking down at him from the heavens or above from the inferno. His heart would be shattered at seeing him right now. He was a wretched demon. His old name fit him well. Shiroyasha. A white beast out to destroy.

Driven by love.

It was either painfully romantic or adorably tragic.

A scuffle at the door alerted them to another presence. It was Zura, frantic, hair flying all over the place elegantly.

Gintoki stood, sword at the ready.

"It's the girl!" Zura cried, "The Matako woman. We ran into her buying tampons -or was it condoms?" He shrugged and motioned for them to follow him.

They ran, Zura at the lead and Gintoki at his heels. "Where?" He could feel his heart rate increasing dangerously. His breaths were short and desperate.

The Joui leader guided them across narrow alleys and a few busy streets before stopping near a wooden gate, sniffing and looking up. "There!" He pointed at a figure on the roof.

It was the blonde woman, pink kimono flowing with the wind, and a haughty look in her eyes. She aimed her guns at them and fired bullets, one after the other.

Kagura jumped forward, protecting them with her umbrella. "Stay close, Otsuu-chan!"

Gintoki huffed, "Why did she even come with us? Keep her away from the line of fire!"

Zura grabbed Otsuu and ran from the scene as Kagura returned fire at the Kiheitai member. Gintoki ran up the wall and grabbed the window sill to swing himself up on the roof, continuing pursuit.

Matako jump flipped downward and to Gintoki's dismay, landed on a moving car at speed. She held on to the dome, shooting him occassional glances to check if he was close, as he ran across houses, trying to catch up. Thankfully, she was unable to wield her weapons.

Finally getting ahead, he anticipated the vehicle as it passed under the minimart. He leaped, holding his breath, and landed on top of her. After a quick struggle, they toppled off the car and rolled into the dirt.

He felt a heavy boot make painful contact with the back of his head, blurring his vision momentarily. Crying out, he faced the assailant, ready to fight back. Instead, he only blinked in horror.

The man possessed his face, features eerily similar, but his lips were twisted into a sinister grin. His hair was short and straight, bearing a golden color which shone in the setting sun. His clothes were a swapped version of his own, tidier and smelling like bleach.

Another foot plunged down on his stomach, making him cough up blood. He saw Kagura's older brother with the smiling eyes yet perverse heart. Looking back to his right, he tried to make sense of the other scoundrel's appearance but someone else stood there.

The golden haired copy of himself had vanished. In its place was someone he knew from his past, and someone he had been chasing exhaustively.

Shinsuke Takasugi.

His face was unsmiling, even unruffled. "Do not interfere, Gintoki Sakata." It was all he said before knocking him out, unconscious.

He woke to find Kagura and Zenzou carrying him. They said Katsura took Otsuu back to the hideout while they tried to find him. Unfortunately, when they arrived, he was alone and stupefied.

"I saw them," he said when they reconvened. "Takasugi, Kamui, and..."

Kagura's eyes widened. Only Zura spoke, "Who else, Gintoki? You are lucky to be alive."

"Kintoki," he whispered, still unable to comprehend what he saw.

"Who?"

That thing had been destroyed. It  _may_  have been his imagination. After all, he had a bad head injury. "Nothing. There was no one else."

"It also seems they weren't accompanied by ninja." Zenzou mused. "What do we do now?"

"At least we know they're here," Kagura rubbed her chin, "and nii-san's with them. But I won't forgive him for stepping on you, Gin-chan."

"They might leave since they know we've found them." Gintoki was worried, it would certainly complicate things if that happened. He was back to square one. "Takasugi said not to interfere. Like hell I wouldn't!"

"If we're fortunate, they might need to remain in the area," Zura mitigated. "Rumors of their operations imply a longer stopover."

"Then we just have to keep our eyes open," the blue ninja murmured thoughtfully. "I'll definitely be keeping an eye out. It would actually be beneficial if Sarutobi helps us. She-"

"NO." Gintoki refused to have a doubtful presence in their midst. "What if she feeds us right into their claws?"

"Gin-chan!" Kagura reprimanded, "Sacchan could help you!"

"I said I don't want her here!" He was not convinced of her advantage. "We don't need help  _from_  her. We need help  _with_  her!"

No one argued with him. Instead, they gave each other wary glances.

"Tsunpo-kun wasn't there?" Otsuu asked quietly.

Gintoki shook his head as despair and confusion settled over him.

Feeling more tired than angry, he walked back to Sarutobi's home that night. He slammed the door open and was greeted by a distressed sound followed by a purple blur dashing onto his chest and hugging him.

"Gin-san!" She was bawling and tightly attached to him.

His brain failed him, disabling his ability to move or speak. Strangely, her familiar actions caught him off guard.

"Gin-san! I thought you had left for good." Her voice was shaking in between tearful gasps. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He grabbed the back of her robe, "Sarutobi-"

"Please believe me. Gin-san, I-" she raised her head to look at him, eyes puffy with tears continuously flowing down her cheeks, "I don't know anything else about Jiraia."

He didn't believe her. Of course, she was deceiving him. Right now though, she looked honest and pitiful. He fleetingly thought of what Kagura and Hattori mentioned earlier. Was it possible he was mistaken? Did his desperation result in prosecuting an innocent woman? If he were wrong, where did that leave him then?

Another impasse.

His face probably showed resignation because she gave him a tiny, hopeful smile. Blushing, she inched closer while glancing at his lips. Tentatively, she brushed her mouth against his, only holding back to gauge his reaction.

He watched her quietly, trying to disregard the soft feel of her lips or the widened, eager look in her eyes.

She took this as an assent, boldly kissing him and resting her hands on his chest.

"Gin-san," she murmured provocatively, tilting her head for better access. She glided her lips against his own with a passionate, hypnotic movement.

He groaned, pulling her close by the waist and responding actively. She was willing and she felt so good. Hearing her say his name in that manner had his blood simmering.

He kicked the door closed and pushed her against the wall, maintaining contact. His hands roamed everywhere to feel her some more. Swiftly, he untied her robe and pushed it off her shoulders. They moaned into each other's mouths when his hands rested on her breasts.

She took longer with undressing him when he refused to let go of their kiss. Instead, he shrugged off his own clothes and immediately resumed groping her afterwards.

Crying out his name again, Sarutobi wrapped her leg around his waist, trying to rub herself over him.

He licked the side of her neck and hooked her other leg around himself. "Let's go to the bedroom, kitten."

She grabbed at his hair with both hands and ground herself against him. "No- Please- Gin-san! Just- now! Right here!"

He wanted to comply but instead cupped her buttocks and dashed into the room. He lay her down on the futon and kissed her while entering her slowly.

"Ahhhhh..." Her legs were crushing him. She kept trying to advance her hips but he held her steady.

"Kitten," he cried as she enveloped him, pleased with her tightness. Once she had taken all of him inside, he loosened his grip to let her start a rhythm.

Without hesitation, she thrust against him eagerly while chanting his name. She ran her fingers through his hair gently, only hesitating upon feeling the lump on his head, and then moved down to his shoulders and back, running over his wounds.

His body tingled with her touch, adding to the satisfaction of being inside her. No longer minding the pain from his earlier injuries, he guided her movements, oscillating his pelvis precisely and making her squeal with every push.

"Oh, Gin-san," she sighed, springing to and fro, "you're so good at sex." Her words sent a boost to his ego.

Encouraged, he continued to undulate, a slow and controlled movement until he couldn't hold back anymore.

Later, past midnight, they were lying face to face on the futon, not touching. Gintoki feigned sleep while Sarutobi merely gazed at him, a vacant look in her frameless eyes. She seemed to believe he was unconscious, lacking any visible reaction as he stared back.

Her face bore a melancholic expression and she did not attempt to get closer, except for her hand which reached out to touch his cheek. She barely made contact before she drew her arm back guiltily.

"Thank you, Gin-san," she whispered, so low he barely heard it. "Thank you... For not rejecting me- or pushing me away this time- like you always do." She sighed, "thank you so much, Gin-san. I love you."

He shut his eyes, not wanting to deal with this -with  _her_ \- right now, trying to remember her faults. He did not open them even as he felt her get up from the mattress. Her words and gestures were tender but he would not allow them to sway him.

Hours later, when he roused to take an early morning leak, his bruises were already covered in smelly ointment and bandages. A glass of water and some pain tablets were prepared for him by his side. Peeking outside, he saw her sleeping on the living room couch, head bent and hugging her knees to her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hee! I still hate chapter 2 but I don't know how to fix it anymore. *roars* Anyway, go read the next chapter. Go! Btw, I came across Sacchan's line from Ch 321 about her saying she loves him. I'm not sure if she actually tells him that more than once in the manga. It's cute.


	8. The Truth Hurts, But a Lie is Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is unbetaed, sorry. Not sure when I can update again. I have to really start studying for my exam. So writing might be limited to 2 or 3 hours a day only. Tsk. @_@

**Chapter 8: The Truth Hurts, But a Lie is Worse**

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Sacchan jumped from house to house, trying to locate the hideout of her Edo visitors.

It was still raining but more of a drizzle. The moon was clouded, a few stars danced in the skies, and a gentle breeze moved from the east.

Then, she spotted it. She didn't know how but she instantly recognized the area. The place was well-lit and a happy noise floated from its windows. She peered inside, trying to decipher the commotion.

There was a small party but she couldn't make out the figures through the glass. Crawling up the wall, she felt a pair of eyes on her. Vicious. Spiteful. Looking around, she saw no one.

She's been paranoid lately. It wasn't completely unwarranted. There were reasons, dreams alike. She hasn't felt like this in years. The anxiety brought about a rush of adrenaline to her veins and today, she felt like her old self again.

A ninja. An assassin. Dangerous. Passionate.

But she wasn't here to kill anyone. She just wanted answers.

Sacchan wanted to know why her past was catching up to her.

Crouching on the roof, she pressed her ear on the bricks to listen for conversation. There was only the light crackling of the fire amidst silence.

Clunk!

A presence leaped through the roof, wielding a sword, peg-like. It was the white beast, a younger version, its knees bent in defense.

"You are not welcome here," it said, albeit peacefully. His voice was smooth. He stood like a prince but was alert as a knight, confronting an outsider fearlessly.

"Gin-san!" She stepped towards him, kunai secretly ready. "It's me!"

He simply stared, unmoving. The wind whipped his hair furiously and the ends of his forehead band were waving along.

She threw the kunai at him, amazed at her retained skill. It zoomed straight and swift, determined to pierce.

He caught it effortlessly in his palm.

Sacchan gasped. His appearance had changed. It was horrific.

What was white was now dark, ruffled hair. The thick skin on his face was shiny, uneven with scars. His eyes were large and round, barely covered by flesh. The look he bore was madness. He didn't seem to notice her as he floated upward, arm raised towards the full moon, finally revealed.

A weight hit her back, crashing her through the roof and on to the floor with a thud. Before losing consciousness, she noted a white blur. "Stay away!"

She was roused by a yelling mix of voices and the sliding of wood against wood. Reaching in front of her, she touched a man's bare chest and her arms bumped against another pair of limbs wrapped around her body. A steady breath fanned her forehead and her legs were entwined with someone else's.

Gin-san was next to her. She could smell him and she recognized the soft snoring sounds he was making.

But who was arguing in the background?

"I want to see, Shinpachi!" A familiar girly accent was screaming.

"DON'T YOU DARE COME OVER HERE!"

"Why? Did something bad happen? Did Gin-chan turn into a cat? Or a woman? I wanna see the new Gin-chan!" Her voice drew closer.

"STOOOOP IIIIT KAGURAAAA!" A struggle could be heard. "It's poisonous to the eyes! The view is a ticket straight to HEEEELL!"

There was a thump on the ground followed by a couple of "owwws". Gin-san sat up abruptly and Sacchan followed, putting on her glasses.

She screeched upon seeing their visitors and drew the blanket up to her chest. Shinpachi and Kagura were looking back at them with horrified expressions. Gin-san stood up, thankfully in his brown with yellow stars boxers, and shooed them to the living room. Sacchan continued to stare in shock as he put on his shirt and pants hurriedly, dragging his yukata along to follow his two sidekicks.

She could still hear them bickering about the situation after he slid the doors shut.

"You've really done it this time, Gin-san!"

"Keep your voice down, Shinpachi," he hissed, voice still hoarse from sleep.

"What have you done?"

"Shit. Seriously? I don't really remember. I've been out of it for years, you know. Drunk here and there, not exactly thinking and just seizing the day."

"You two could have at least put on some clothes to avoid scaring your visitors!"

"Please. We don't expect visitors. How'd you two even get in- oh, I see- Kagura, make sure you get that broken window fixed. I don't have much cash on me to even call a repairman."

"Gin-chan, stick some tape on it. Why were you and Sacchan naked?"

"Give me a fucking break, kid. You're freaking seventeen years old! Surely you know about-"

"STOP POLLUTING HER MIND WITH YOUR IMMORALITY!"

"Yes, a girl is innocent until marriage." The refrigerator door was opened and then closed. Kagura could be heard chewing afterwards.

Loud footsteps hit the floor, "Innocent, my ass! You're a thief. Trespassers! That's just what you're doing! Out the door, now, both of you sociopaths! Let's leave before any of you commit more crimes."

"You're the villain here!" Shinpachi howled before their voices faded behind a door slamming shut.

Sacchan dressed quickly, not bothering to take a shower beforehand. There was something more important that she had to do. Her recent dreams have been sending her a message, reviving yesterdays that needed to be addressed.

If she wanted to know what Gin-san was up to, she had to be assertive and take control of the situation. She needed to find out why he sought her out and why he was still baseline irritated with her. What was the reason for his tireless questioning?

The only way to ascertain was to follow him and spy on their conversations.

To be quite honest, she was nervous. It's been years since she last went on a mission undercover. She wasn't as confident with her fighting skills either. Still, she was trained as a child and was once a member of the elite Oniwabanshuu. That must count for something.

She tailed them to a restaurant and set off immediately to the roof. Prowling towards the back area, she noted a smaller place. Kagura's voice could be heard from the windows singing along with another girl who sounded like the pop idol Tsuu Terakado.

If things went well, she would gather some information unscathed and move on. After all, dreams were only dreams -unreal- and fabrications of the subconscious. The odds of Gin-san, let alone the  _Shiroyasha_ , appearing before her right now were extremely low.

A hand shot through the ceiling, grabbing her left foot and dragging her inside. She was smashed on the floor, face down.

"My, my... You haven't changed, have you?" She looked up into the red, displeased eyes of her captor. "Stalker."

"Gin-san," she breathed, wincing as he pulled her by the hair.

"It's too bad, you really suck at this. I've known you were following us since you stepped out the door of your apartment. Didn't you think I could read your movements and sense your presence after having to tolerate you stalking me for years?"

He tossed her to the side, right into a large mass of fluff. She felt big, heavy paws land on her shoulders and a stinging sensation enveloped her head. Liquid trickled down her temples and her glasses dropped to the floor. She wailed in discomfort as she tore herself away from the looming creature.

"Sadaharu!"

Running her hands on the rug, she searched for her glasses. An orange blur appeared before her and set it on her nose while wiping her face with her sleeve. She blinked and the image formed into Kagura.

"Sacchan! Are you okay?"

"I- I..." She could feel tears burning behind her eyes.

Shinpachi guided her to the couch as Kagura continued to pad on her bleeding head. Otsuu was also present and was staring at her, forehead creased with worry. Katsura was on the floor, arms and legs crossed, with his head bowed. Sadaharu looked pleased with himself.

Gin-san was standing a meter away, fuming, "Why the hell are you helping her?"

"Stop it! You're being mean, Gin-chan!"

"Kagura! Shinpachi! Step away from that traitor!" He roared as he took out his wooden sword. "Step the fuck away so that I can show her what happens to lowlifes like her!"

Katsura stood and punched him right on the nose as he swung his weapon. Gin-san staggered backwards and fell over, landing on his ass. Sacchan trembled at the intensity on their faces.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Zura?"

"It's Katsura! Gintoki, you need to calm down," the long-haired samurai spoke in a clipped voice. "You are on the verge of going on a rampage that is unnecessary. That is Sa-san you are about to attack. She is not the enemy, as we have told you countless times."

"It's all right, Katsura-san. Thank you. You can call me Sacchan, as I've said before."

He nodded at her, "Welcome back, Sa-sama."

That idiot. Apparently, he was still as lost as ever.

"Now, listen Sacchan," Kagura started, "We're going to tell you everything, yo! We need your help, yes."

"Everything?" She echoed. "My help?"

"EVERYTHING?  _HER_  HELP?" Gin-san started to get up but Katsura kneed him in the face to keep him down. Otsuu, Kagura and Shinpachi settled on his chest and legs to trap him.

"What is going on?" She asked, eager to learn what they were up to. Her head was feeling a bit better now and she was more concerned about what they were about to say. She tried to ignore Gin-san's loathsome stare as she looked expectantly at the others.

Kagura grabbed a roll which she stuck into Gin-san's open mouth as he was about to yell something. "Sacchan! It's Tsukki. She's been missing! We're going to rescue her."

Sacchan felt her heart stop. Blood pooled in her ears, causing a painful ringing that accompanied a struggle with her breathing. Memories of the last time she saw Tsukki flashed in her mind, creating a mixture of distress, confusion and worry.

Gin-san's head snapped towards her, his eyes narrowed. He stared at her as if trying to judge her reaction.

"Wh- What?" She gasped, unable to think straight. "When?" She swallowed thickly, looking at everyone. "How?" Her voice came out only as a whisper.

Otsuu was only shaking her head, expression weary. Shinpachi was pointedly looking away, eyes blinking unnaturally. Kagura's lower lip was trembling, her gaze directed downward.

Katsura stepped forward, determined. "Sa-kun, it's probably up to me to explain the situation. These nincompoops -haha, nincompoops- are not in the proper state for normal conversation."

"It's  _Sacchan_ , you nincompoop!" No one was prepared for a regular discussion.

"My apologies, Sa-hime."

"SACCHAN!" She screamed, frustrated. "Will you please tell me what happened to Tsukki already?"

"We do not know exactly. But we have high suspicions that the Kiheitai have her. They are in the area. And possibly... Jiraia is involved."

"Jiraia?" The shock in her voice was maximal. "So... He is alive?" Was this why Gin-san was extremely interested in Jiraia's fate? Why did he keep asking her then?

"That we do not know of. Zenzou Hattori and the other ninjas have been trying to verify that information. So far, we have been out of luck."

"When did this happen?" A sense of dread loomed over her. "Tsukki, I mean. When did she disappear?"

Gin-san pushed the three younger ones off himself and stood in front of her. She looked up to see his face, twisted into a look of rage and disappointment.

"Five years ago. When you left." His tone was accusing, she could tell.

A sudden tightness emerged in her chest. What did she have to do with anything? Was he actually implying that she brought about Tsukki's capture?

"Do you- Do you think that I-" she choked, unable to continue. The realization that he suspected her of doing such a thing was a cruel experience.

"Do you have any other believable explanation?" He asked harshly.

"Yes, I have one."

"Then pray tell why you left Edo without a word?"

"I can't- I can't tell you that right now. You just have to trust me. I wouldn't do anything so horrible to Tsukki."

Sacchan looked into his eyes, pleading silently for him to tell her that she was mistaken and that he didn't doubt her at all. But his jaw only hardened, dashing her hopes. He despised her and thought her a betrayer. Then, it meant that, everything they shared in the past months were nothing but illusions. His kisses, caresses and his desperation in their lovemaking were simply measures to extract information from her.

She had given herself to him fully, without holding back. She still loved him and cared for him. Her feelings had even bloomed during their time together. The fact that he sought her after all these years made her happy and she tried so hard to ignore his irritation with her. He was constantly forceful, as she knew him even in the past, but she was always comfortable with submitting herself to him. No matter how much he shunned or hurt her, she still found herself drawn to him, physically and emotionally.

But while she was attracted to him, his attentions actually lay elsewhere. Sacchan noticed it from the beginning, when he first met Tsukki. Something had changed in him. She told herself that it was only because he met someone similar to himself. She knew they shared a common past. They may be soulmates but she's read a lot about soulmates and the bond is not necessarily meant to be romantic. That had pleased her, maybe Gin-san and Tsukki were destined to be very good friends at most.

Tsukki was a good friend to her. They bickered over little things, disagreements with men and sometimes because she was jealous of the blonde babe. It was already difficult, trying to win over Gin-san's love at first and then someone beautiful and totally badass comes along. That really complicated things.

However, Tsukki wasn't an active competitor. She was just as is, content with being herself. She even listened to Sacchan's complaints and gave her sound advice. Just like a best friend would. Tsukki was the type of person who would give way to others, just to see them happy. She always put herself last. That was why Sacchan was fairly certain of having the man.

Then again, the world wasn't as so kind to give you want you want or expect.

It truly pained her to hear that Tsukki was in danger. She did not even want to think of her being dead. As a friend, she felt that she had to believe in Tsukki's survival. She is a strong woman, capable of defending herself and choosing to live. Sacchan wondered about the last five years. What could her friend have gone through?

Moreso, why was Gin-san unable to protect the woman he loved? She had left Tsukki in the capable hands of the man she loved in return. How did she slip through his fingers so easily? Some things were still a mystery to her. All she knew was that Gin-san saw her as the villain in this. He believed she was desperate enough to harm even Tsukki. Yes, she loved him with all her heart but ultimately, she only always wanted him to be happy.

Now, seeing his face full of mistrust and animosity, she sensed her own resentment erupting.

She stood up and slapped him with all her might, feeling herself tremble afterwards, partly due to disbelief that she had actually done it. But he truly upset her. She was completely heartbroken by the fact that he used her and that he would even think she was capable of doing such horrible things.

"For your information, Gintoki Sakata, I have  _nothing_  to do with what happened to Tsukki. And the fact that you think I do makes you an asshole! You just played me like I have no feelings. You deceived me without even trying to talk with me properly. What has happened to you, Gin-san? You've become a heartless bastard!"

"I've always been an asshole to you. Do you know why? Because you irritate me. Your persistence is torture. You're the goddamn bane of my existence."

"I only wanted you to accept my love, even if it was different and annoying. I didn't ask to be treated like this!"

"You're always asking for it! I can't stand you, I can't even tolerate your presence."

His words were a knife to her heart. "Then it's better if you stay away from now on. You can't live with me anymore."

"I have no plans of returning to that prison of yours," he spat.

"I never held you captive! You came to me, telling me we were lovers and you forced yourself to live there!"

"Well, it was a mistake! I'm leaving now, out of my own free will!"

She felt the tears rush down her face. "Fine, then. I'm glad I've stopped bothering you."

He shrugged, uncaring. Sacchan could not bear to look at his uncompassionate face. Instead, she focused her eyes elsewhere, trying to erase the picture of his hatred. Her gaze settled on his hands instead. He was running the pad of his thumb over the proximal portion of his left ring finger. His hand shifted and a thread around that finger was caught in the light. It glinted a light blonde color.

She frowned further, wondering what that string represented. She never really knew anything.

Everyone else was silently watching their exchange, probably feeling uncomfortable as she was. She turned to the left to see the other four tiptoeing their way to the door, Sadaharu at their heels.

Sacchan let out a heavy breath and blinked away the last of her tears. "Everyone, I'm going to help you find and rescue Tsukki. She was a close friend of mine and I would never,  _never_  want anything dreadful to happen to her, nor would I cause her any harm myself. I'm really worried about her too."

"We know, Sacchan," Shinpachi and Kagura assured her. Otsuu was smiling kindly while Katsura was nodding his head.

"Tsukki and I may have been rivals for Gin-san's affections but we were also good friends. She put up with my antics, you know. At times, I did try to get between them but those were petty things. One night, when I finally realized that Gin-san would  _never_  see me the way he saw her, nor would he ever love me the way he loved her, I chose to back off." Her voice was soft, on the verge of choking.

Kagura and Shinpachi sniffed in the background. Katsura coughed, hiding his face. Sadaharu whimpered.

"Sacchan..." Otsuu whispered.

"That is why I left Edo a long time ago. Because I realized that Gin-san and Tsukki really wanted to be with each other... But I couldn't stay... Because I knew that... That whenever I see them together, I would feel like dying."

With that, she excused herself and left, feeling even worse than she did five years ago on the Yorozuya rooftop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I've been having a hard time with this chapter, hence the delay, especially the part where they tell Sacchan what's going on. I needed to phrase things properly while still hiding a few things and capture some emotions at the same time. SHIT. I have been spending about a week pondering on how to execute this chapter. Hope it's not an epic fail.


	9. Your Conscience Will Keep You Up At Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is in draft mode, fyi. My how time flies. I have nothing else to say except that I've gained 8 lbs already lol enough with the Starbucks drinks. Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SACCHAN! Damn, I wanted to write a oneshot but time does not permit it. XP

**Chapter 9: Your Conscience Will Keep You Up At Night**

They say a guilty conscience keeps you up at night. It was true, cruelly so. Definitely, the torture was worse than any pain he had felt before. His mind reeled no matter how tightly he shut his eyes or how much sake he shoved down his throat. A harsh tightening invaded his chest often. His anger was replaced by shame and remorse which he could not act upon.

The image of framed orchid eyes, clouded with hurt, was plastered on his mind. Even after weeks, he could still hear Sacchan's words. They were the last words she had spoken to him since.

_You played me... Heartless bastard... Accept my love... I'll stop bothering you... Never, never harm Tsukki... Never see me... Never love me... I left because I felt like dying..._

Now, Gintoki knew she spoke the truth. She was innocent after all and he was at fault. He was blinded by rage and desperation, which caused him to take things out on her. He hated this odd feeling, lacking control of his emotions while being restless. He was tense every minute of every day and he despised it.

And every time they were in each other's presence, the atmosphere was thick with awkwardness.

Their friends did not interfere, probably sensing the volatility of the situation. The most they did were to share indiscreet, worried glances and make indirect, absurd comments to lighten the mood.

He shouldn't care that Sacchan would go out of her way to avoid him. She never actually looked at him anymore. Their lack of interaction did not go unnoticed and it was obvious that she made an effort to steer clear of him.

He lay down on the sofa and crossed his arms behind his head, swinging one leg across the other. He had a terrible headache which no medicine nor glucose could relieve. Sacchan, unbidden, had maintained a constant place in his brain.

On idle days, he found himself thinking of her. A chain of memories played in his mind. She was walking in her apartment, hair in a sexy bun, dressed minimally. Her breasts bounced as she moved, clearly showing through the thin fabric of her top. The swaying of her hips mesmerized him and her legs only reminded him of those times they were wrapped tightly around his bottom.

Her lips curved upwards upon seeing his eyes on her. He remembered those fine lips of hers, soft, sensual and tasting like berries with cream when she used gloss. He thought of her lips on his own, meeting his tongue with hers, moving to his cheek, and then his ears. Her whispered words of love, desire and satisfaction weren't forgotten. The desperate, lustful cries from her mouth aroused and fortified him. Then, her mouth touched his neck, his chest, trailing slowly and delightfully downward to his navel, never ceasing until she reached his length.

Wherever he looked, he spotted a hint of lilac, the color of her hair. He had vivid memories of her underneath him, with her hair splayed beneath them and when she was on top, her locks created a curtain, surrounding and hiding them from the world.

Without fail, she was within his reach. She had made herself available to him, wanting to please him. "I only want you to be happy, Gin-san," were her words before. She always begged for his attentions. Now, she tried as much as possible not to be noticed.

He wasn't used to that, Sacchan lacking in persistence. When something came between them, he always expected her to come groveling, begging desperately for his concern. This new her unnerved him. Didn't she care about his acknowledgement anymore? Was she completely disgusted by what he had done?

He hadn't apologized yet, there just wasn't a right time. Their encounters were brief and unremarkable. He wanted her to be mindful of him as she was in the past. His ears itched to hear a squeal or giggle from her at the sight of him. He wanted to look in her eyes and see them darken, signifying her own desire for him. He needed her pleas for his touch and embrace. Her own hands should be roaming his body, raking through his hair and exploring the rest of him. There was so much satisfaction to gain from all that.

A few times, he tried to make his move just to get even a little bit of reaction from her. Casually, he would brush his arm against hers, or steady his hands on her waist. She would gasp, a slight sound, but would keep her eyes focused elsewhere. He felt smug at seeing a flush in her cheeks every time, which meant she wasn't as unaffected as she tried to project.

He often walked in on her singing along with Otsuu and Kagura. Her voice was beautiful. He would pause to listen, regretfully thinking that he had not watched her perform again since their first night together. Upon seeing him, she would abruptly shut her mouth and stubbornly refuse to make any sound or comment as long as he was there. Briefly, he heard her tell Kagura that she did not want to annoy or  _bother_  him with her noise.

Gintoki seethed. Was he really such a monster to be feared by her? She used to be so carefree and comfortable in his presence. Hell, in the past she even invited herself in his house and lay on his bed. In the previous months, they were lovers, getting to know each other intimately and sharing most of their days. They were in tune, surrounded by a decent atmosphere, especially during their moments in the bedroom. After that big reveal and the big fight, they were even worse than the beginning. Strangers, that's what they seemed like nowadays.

Predictably, he should feel terrible, but he did not expect anything else. He even craved her, like a bar of chocolate. She was a tall glass of strawberry milk and parfait, tempting him to no end.

He frequently felt the urge to cup her breasts with his hands possessively. Some nights, she would arrive at the hideout, fresh from her bar performances, in her alluring dresses. Each dress seemed to be more revealing than the last, her breasts threatening to spill out of the garments. He was drawn by the erotic tips, stirring a hunger in him to fondle aimlessly and suck them dry. Everyday, he used to have his hands and mouth on them, teasing her lazily and often going wild. The sounds she made in response were extremely rewarding.

Grabbing her by the waist to rub her hips and center against his erection were definitely out of the question, no matter how much he wished for it. She would probably slap him again. But the experience of her thighs crushing him into her while eagerly thrusting against him was something he ached for.

The abrupt termination of their regular lovemaking was maddening.

This was lust, he was certain, but a flash of doubt emerged as he remembered the times she had cared for him - nursing his wounds, cooking for him, washing his clothes, laughing at his unintentional jokes, and always having a piece of dessert ready for him. He recalled the crinkle and warmth in her eyes when she would welcome him home, accompanied by affectionate hugs and kisses. She bought his favorite JUMP editions and even borrowed a game console from a friend of hers to keep him from boredom. She spoke tender words overflowing with concern and adoration, which she never failed to declare. Her words,  _I love you_ , were only whispered when she thought he was not paying attention.

A click at the door interrupted his thoughts. Sacchan had entered the place, carrying several large plastic bags with both hands. She didn't seem to notice him as she headed straight to the table near the fridge. He sat up quietly to watch her.

Her long hair was clipped to the side by a flowery pin and she was wearing a light yellow summer dress. The fabric was thick and her breasts didn't jiggle. Gintoki frowned, disappointed that she was wearing a bra. Still, she looked fresh and nice, relaxed even. He dragged himself to a standing position and purposefully approached her.

"Um, hi..." he greeted as he smoothed his unruly hair. "Do you- Do you um, need help with that? Uh... What is that?"

She stiffened, momentarily pausing with her task. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here." She looked at anything but him. Hastily opening the freezer, she stuck a plastic inside and dashed to the door. "Um, I'll just... go now."

Sacchan was gone before he could reply.

He thought he'd hit rock bottom but apparently, he could still feel worse than ever. There she was again, avoiding any kind of interaction with him. He had tried to reach out, hadn't he? Greeting her and starting a nice, civil conversation - he had done that. He even offered to help her with whatever it was she was doing. He simply hated the way she tensed and refused to look at him. She was treating him in an unfamiliar manner, acting uncomfortable and jumpy around him. She was  _ignoring_  him.

How ironic, really. Years ago, he would have given anything for her to just leave him alone. Lately, that was all that she was doing but it bothered him to no end. It distracted him so much that he couldn't sleep or enjoy his favorite sweets.

He peeked inside one bag noting stacks of containers and some chopsticks. Taking a sniff, he realized that the contents were food. Great smelling food. What were they for? His nostrils welcomed the smell, a nice shift from the usual ramen. But their place didn't smell like ramen anymore. Sacchan had teamed up with Shinpachi and Katsura to do some cleaning and spraying in the area. The results were admirable.

The place had turned into a real sanctuary for him. A better TV was transferred from her living room, sleeping bags and soft pillows were added, the game console was also with them. Even the bathroom had a nice collection of bath needs. All these made it even harder for him to forego his guilt. It ate away at his insides, leaving a pang in his heart.

"Yo! Gin-chaaaan!" A small hand was waving close to his face. "Can you hear us? Are you having perverted thoughts again?"

"Snap out of it, Gintoki-kun." Katsura was already eating out of one of the containers on the table.

Shinpachi grabbed the food from his hands, "Oi! That's for dinner! Did you even wash your hands?"

"It is dinner time, Shinpachi-kun." Otsuu was giggling.

"Oh. Yes. Yes it is, Otsuu-chan." The boy smiled sheepishly.

"Let's dig in, I'm famished." Zenzou pocketed his JUMP issue. "You'll get your chance when I'm done with it," he said, noting Gintoki's quick gaze on the comic. "Where is Sarutobi?" He was glancing at the ceiling, as if expecting her to be hanging from it.

All eyes turned to him. "What?" His own voice was high pitched, a sure sign of guilt.

"You must have seen her when she brought the bags here," Zenzou intoned, "did you send her away?"

"What? I did not! She-"

"Gin-chan! Stop being mean. Have you apologized yet? Sacchan's helping us now."

"You were wrong about her, Gin-san!"

"Gintoki, let go of your pride for once and fix things."

"Poor Sacchan, she means well, Gintoki-san..."

"Wait!" He screamed, "I was nice... but she... I... we... Oh hell, she ran away when I tried to talk to her."

"Can you blame her, Gintoki? You haven't been treating her well. A woman deserves to be cared for and respected."

"I know that! I feel bad enough already!"

"She must have left because of you, Gin-chan." Kagura looked at him disdainfully. "Sacchan's always worried about bothering you."

"Sacchan fixed all of this for us, but she's not here to enjoy it too-bacco whore."

Kagura opened the freezer and cried, "Dessert!" She reached into the bag inside and held out a glass of parfait. The words "strawberries and cream" were written on tape around it.

Gintoki leaped forward and snatched the frozen dessert from Kagura's hand before she successfully opened it. "That's mine!"

"I don't see your name on it!" Kagura lunged forward, though failing to retrieve the tasty sweet.

"It's mine! I just know it!" He quickly opened the flap and licked the cream inside. It was delicious.

"Oi! Why are you guys starting to have dessert! We haven't had our meal yet!"

Gintoki shrugged. "Who cares?" He took his place on the sofa and relished the parfait. At least Sacchan still thought of him enough to remember his favorite dessert.

"We'd better start eating before Kagura gobbles everything up." Zenzou grabbed a plate.

"Ha! Try to avoid the spicy ones, hemorrhoid ninja."

A rock landed on Katsura's head, causing a bump to emerge. He grabbed it nonchalantly and stared at the piece for a few seconds. "Hey Leader..."

"What is it, Zura?"

"Kamui was seen at a coffee shop with Takasugi. However, there was no suspicious activity between them."

"Nii-san..." Kagura started. "Nii-san is everywhere yet I never encounter him."

"They're becoming careless," Zenzou said thoughtfully. "They've been spotted several times. What are they up to?"

"Takasugi is certainly suspicious. Although reports are vague, they are consistent with one observation." Zura rubbed his chin in thought.

"What is that?"

"His left eye is uncovered. It appears he has regained its use."

Gintoki blinked, recalling his previous meeting with Shinsuke. How could he have not realized it? The man seemed different and calmer. Zura was right, now that he pondered on it, Takasugi's left eye has recovered. It was still a bit of a blur, that close encounter. He was still debating on whether or not Kintoki was actually there. He did not mention that detail to anyone yet.

Slurping the last of his strawberry parfait, he banished his thoughts on the Kiheitai. For now, he felt no desire to come after them. There was still need for more patience and planning, especially now that they had very little knowledge on the enemy's plans.

Gintoki felt a weakening in his determination. Right now, he was more concerned about finally having a long overdue talk with Sacchan. They were on the same team now, and it wouldn't benefit them to have their own animosity within. There was a need to fix this, as soon as possible, and they had to strengthen their allegiance in order to overcome the enemy.

Plus, he'd never admit it, but he kind of missed her. Sort of. But not really. He was probably being his old horny self. Damn his libido.


	10. When a Rival Appears, a Man's Resolve is Strengthened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is only semi-revised, because I have little time to spare. I had to rewatch the Shinsengumi Rebellion arc to get a feel of a certain character that will appear in this chapter. Ugh, I don't really like Gin in Shinsengumi uniform. It doesn't suit him. Hijikata, however, *hearts*. Arigatou, readers! ^v^

**Chapter 10: When a Rival Appears, a Man's Resolve is Strengthened**

Sacchan needed a few drinks to make herself relax. She was uneasy, her muscles were taut and her usual performance smile was unnatural. It showed onstage, her voice cracked and she missed the entrance to at least two songs. Even her dancing was a bit uncoordinated. Her entire body was rigid and her feet seemed to weigh a ton. Taking in some alcohol would make her loosen up. It only took a few shots of sake to make her feel bolder, disinhibited even.

Fortunately, management didn't notice her discomfort, nor did the audience. There was no way to confirm this since she barely saw the bunch she entertained nightly. They simply appeared as a blur. From what she'd heard, smaller crowds appeared nowadays, probably due to the rumors of local trafficking of Amanto. Several of them have been disappearing for years but it was only recently that it had come to the attention of the government. It was when a young female of their species, the daughter of a prominent figure in office, had gone missing. No bodies have turned up, but there were news of sightings involving bones and severed body parts.

Surely, it was a rebellion. One against the administration set up by the aliens decades ago. But who was behind it? Sacchan recalled a handful of groups with an agenda against the Amanto, but none of them were known to operate on that big of a scale. Yet.

Sighing, she entered her dressing room and automatically reached for her glasses. She usually set them on the nearest surface from the door to decrease her trouble with finding the pair.

"Oh!" Her eyeglasses were gone. Gliding her hands across the flat board, she noted an empty space. Where could they be?

"Good evening, Ayame-san," a baritone voice spoke from her left. "Come over here and take a seat. You must be exhausted, I daresay." His tone was formal. She knew this man, he had shown up a few years back and introduced himself as a producer. Stepping forward cautiously, she felt her way to the dressing chair and rested on it.

He moved behind her and slipped her glasses on, hooking it slowly to her ears and setting the clips in place. Blinking, she focused on the mirror before her. The man at her back was statuesque, more than a head taller than her, as she noted during their previous encounters. His teal hair in upward spikes made him appear even bigger. He maintained a quiet and serious disposition. His head was accentuated with eye and ear shields. They added to his mysterious appearance. Strapped to his trunk, he carried a musical instrument, which he called a shamisen. He claimed to use it for "extra business".

"Thank you, Kawakami-san."

"Please call me Bansai." His hidden gaze seemed to remain on her reflection. She was surprised he could even hear her with those large headphones covering his ears. There were times when music boomed from them. Right now, they were silent, used only as an accessory. "Contact lenses would suit you better, I daresay."

He had asked to meet her years ago, when she started out at the bar. Introducing himself as Tsunpo Kawakami, a music producer, he informed her of his interest in her talents. He even offered a so-called "healing" process for her myopia. "Your tune intrigues me," were his cryptic words. But Sacchan had declined his proposal, wanting to keep a low profile. Kawakami wasn't deterred by her constant refusal. Instead, he patiently showed up every now and then to see if she had changed her mind.

Sacchan insisted on referring to him as Kawakami-san. She never felt comfortable in using the name "Tsunpo". It was like calling someone disabled, and it only reminded her of her own visual defect. "Bansai", which he revealed to be his given name after a few encounters, was a bit too informal for her. They maintained a professional relationship, after all.

"Contact lenses never really worked out for me," she admitted. "That's why I stick to using glasses." The small plastic substance irritated her eyes. Her rapid and repeated blinking only caused her to lose them, more often than her glasses. She even fell asleep wearing them and the results weren't pretty. Since she was a child, she had dealt with her need for visual assistance. Her ninja training had also helped in heightening her other senses. In a way, things worked out eventually, though imperfectly. She remained clumsy at times, facing the wrong direction when addressing someone or mistaking identities and objects. No wonder people found her annoying.

He tilted his head, apparently studying her. Stepping closer, he lay his hands on her shoulders. His touch was light, but she could feel an intense heat emanating from them. "You seem tense lately, Ayame-san. Something is bothering you, I daresay."

She laughed good-naturedly, brushing off his comment. "Really? I guess I'm just a bit tired. It's nothing." Glancing at her own reflection, she surmised that she looked no different than usual. Hair straight and in place, face made-up, even her dress was unruffled. She adjusted the garment to cover the sides of her breast. His hands on her shoulders held the thin straps in place. The style formed a V over her upper torso, both at the front and back, ending at her waist. Her sides were bare, making the short dress loose and revealing. She wore nothing underneath, which wasn't really a surprise.

"You can't fool me, I can feel your tune. It's unstable, I daresay." His hands started to move in place, massaging her shoulders. "Here, I will help you get rid of the tension."

Breathing slowly, Sacchan silently took the bait. His touch wasn't unwelcome. In fact, it was somehow comforting, relieving her of worries. He was good at it, his fingers reflecting a skill at strumming an instrument with expertise.

A tiny movement of his lips upward showed his satisfaction with her response. He glided his hands to her neck, easing the rigidity of her muscles, and afterwards, he roamed his fingers through her hair and rubbed her scalp.

His ritual was hypnotizing and effective such that Sacchan decided to forego her plans of drinking. She was on the verge of falling asleep.

"That's better, I daresay." He returned to her shoulders and dug his fingers deeper, focusing on her back. "I am pleased with your tune right now. Just... Let go and give in, Ayame-san." His voiced cracked, accompanied by louder and rapid breathing through his nose. He shifted his hands forward to her clavicles, tracing them deliberately.

Sacchan gasped with an abrupt twitching of her shoulders. Giggling, she turned her head to him. "I'm sorry, that tickles."

He looked down at her with a smirk, "So... That part of yours is quite sensitive, I daresay." Keeping his hands in place, he continued to stroke the area with his fingers.

She laughed again and grabbed his palms to stop him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY?" A menacing question came from the doorway.

Gin-san was in an aggressive stance, his wooden sword pointed forward. His eyebrows were drawn together, eyes narrowed dangerously. Seeing him breathing with force, there was no doubting his anger.

"YOU!" He and Kawakami growled at the same time.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Gin-san started towards them, keeping his eyes on the other man.

"I should be asking you the same question, I daresay." Kawakami remained in place, arms at his sides. He made no move to grab a weapon.

Sacchan was confused. They knew each other? There was an obvious hostility between them.

"We have a score to settle, you bastard! And stay the hell away from her!"

Kawakami chuckled, "You are in even worse shape than I remember. Everything about you is threatening to burst into chaos, I daresay."

"Your face is gonna burst, I'll make sure of that."

"No need to get cocky, Shiroyasha." He stepped forward without threat. "I am not in the mood to fight you right now. Moreso, Ayame-san needs to rest. Witnessing this kind of terror will only cause her distress, I daresay."

Gin-san's eyes widened a fraction. He looked suspicious.

"I shall be on my way, then. Good night, Ayame-san." He gave her a nod. "Expect a visit from me again soon, I daresay." He walked past Gin-san without looking at him. "Gintoki Sakata, the next time we meet... I'll be ready for you." The door closed behind him, leaving them in a strained silence.

Sacchan looked away from him, hiding her face with her hair. She should ask him to leave, but she couldn't speak. He still flustered her, firing up her nerves. Why was he here?

"What did that bastard want?" He sounded furious. He was.

Still not looking at him, she shook her head. "Nothing, really."

"Nothing, eh? So, what? Are you fucking him now?"

She turned to him, glaring daggers. "HOW DARE YOU!" She screamed as she stood and faced him. There was so much fury building up inside her that she wanted to hit him. But she didn't risk getting closer to him. He was still Gin-san, after all, and he continued to have a distinct effect on her. She hated him though, for what he tried to suggest. How dare he accuse her of such a thing. It was clear to her now, what he thought of her. She never did anything right in his eyes.

He stared at her face, which she knew was twisted into a disgusted expression. His eyes shifted to her breasts automatically, her sudden movement causing her them to shake vigorously. Swallowing, he snapped his head to the right and let out a breath. His hands raked through his curls with frustration. He shook his head and chuckled before looking back at her.

"You're right. I'm an idiot. A bastard, even." He curled his hands into fists and opened them, then repeated the gesture. "Sacchan," he sighed, "I'm sorry. I really am. I just-"

"You don't have to explain anything. Everything's clear to me." She didn't want to hear his excuses. Ultimately, his actions had already enlightened her. His apology was even worse. There was no need for him to put up a front.

"It is? Well, I-"

"Kagura-chan and Otsuu-chan have told me things. Even Zenzou clarified a lot. A-and I already know from what you've told me."

"Oh..." He nodded. "Then-"

Looking him straight in the eye, she whispered, "I think you should go now."

"What?" He asked dumbly.

"Please leave," her voice was steady. The longer he stayed, the more her resolve faltered.

He approached her without looking away. "Sacchan... Wait. We still need to talk."

"There's really nothing more to talk about." She watched his feet shuffle, his weight moving from one to the other.

"There is!" He tilted her chin up. "First of all, stay away from Bansai Kawakami. He is the enemy."

"What do you mean?"

"He belongs to the Kiheitai," he explained, "along with Shinsuke and the others." He lowered his arm now that he had her attention. "That man is dangerous. I've fought him before. He uses strings to wound and disable his opponents. That piece of wood hanging from his back is his weapon."

"He- Kawakami-san is with them? But he's a music producer. He does not seem to have a hidden agenda."

"Don't call him that," he snapped. "That bastard's no producer of stars. Well, he is Otsuu-chan's but it's obviously a disguise. What did he want with you? When did he start coming here?"

"Gin-san, he only wanted to create a musical career for me." She felt embarrassed at revealing this to him. "He's been around for years. He's never tried anything else."

"Years?" He cursed under his breath. "Be wary of him. We still don't know what they're up to."

"Maybe... Maybe I can talk to him and try to get information on Tsukki's whereabouts." Even after everything, she still tried to please him. "If I could follow him-"

"No," he said firmly. "Don't! It's not safe to do that. They'll be alerted to our intentions. There are other ways."

She nodded, feeling useless somehow. Since she joined their search for Tsukki, she had not contributed anything. Gin-san must be even more irritated with her.

She looked at him, prepared to face his resentment and was rattled by his steady, solemn gaze at her. He was subdued, despite her mention of Tsukuyo. His red eyes were darker, barely blinking. The intensity was unbearable yet she couldn't look away. Her heart threatened to tear out of her chest.

"I don't really know how to say this, Sacchan..."

"Gin-san..." she shook her head, afraid of his words.

"I should, you know, explain things." He looked drained, even sad. "I owe you that."

"It's okay Gin-san. I don't really expect you to." She knew she was running from the situation but hearing the truth from him would destroy her. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"So- Then- We're okay now? Just like that? Everything's all right between us?"

"You'll be fine," she assured him.

He smiled, still appearing unsure. "Well, does this mean that you don't hate me anymore-"

"I don't hate you, Gin-san."

"-and maybe that you still love me?" He was still staring at her, unnerving her.

"W-What?" She gasped, surprised by his bluntness. She could feel herself blushing, despite her vows to remain unaffected.

Holding her arms lightly, he drew her to him. "I know you heard me," he whispered, his face inches from hers. He was still looking in her eyes and Sacchan felt like he could read her soul. He pulled her closer, crushing her body to his. Their lips were almost touching. "Sacchan." The movement brushed his mouth against hers, accompanied by his tickling breath. His chest was hard against her breasts and she felt the rumble of his voice with them.

He snaked his arms around her waist, keeping their contact. Her entire body was aware of his touch. Her nipples hardened through the thin fabric of her dress. She tried to keep her breath steady but that was close to impossible at this moment.

"I still want you, you know," he murmured as he kissed her lightly, rubbing circles on her waist with his thumbs. Her lips trembled but she didn't dare move or speak. She was reminded of their first meeting here.

His mouth moved to her cheek, planting feathery kisses on her skin and gliding towards her neck. "You want me too. I can feel your body's reactions." He accentuated this by adding pressure with his chest.

She gasped again, overwhelmed by his touch. His simultaneous attentions on her neck, breasts and waist were awakening familiar sensations within her. Her rational mind was slowly shutting down, giving way to her body for control.

"Sacchan." He was face to face with her once more, now staring at her lips. Within seconds, he was kissing her.

His touch wasn't rough even as he pressed against her with an underlying urgency. Engulfing her lips with hunger to his own, he created sensual noises of wet flesh gliding against one another. His tongue coaxed her mouth to cooperate and he released a gratified sound from his throat when she started to kiss him back.

She had no chance against him and he knew that.

"I missed this," he told her. "I've been wanting to do this for weeks."

She didn't reply, instead focused on his lips on hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the curls on his head. His presence filled the emptyness brought about by their parting. Her heart soared, elated by their reunion. Being in his arms and loving him with all her heart, it simply felt right.

They continued to kiss, only stopping at times to take in a few breaths. It seemed like hours, with the two of them clinging desperately to each other. No one spoke or dared to break off.

Sacchan didn't care anymore. Right now, she only wanted to remain in his arms and show him how much she missed his embrace. She poured all her love and frustration into their kiss. She belonged only to him. She cupped his face and smoothed his cheek as their tongues dug deeper in all directions. No matter what happens, Sacchan would give herself to him and no one else.

She moaned as he pulled back, hands on her shoulders. She followed his gaze to her chest, amazed that he had dragged her top to the sides without her noticing. The material had gathered at her waist, completely exposing her torso to him. The tips of her breasts jutted outward as if they were calling for his touch.

Instead of grabbing them as he usually did, he cupped her cheek with his hand, and heaved her forward with the other. He resumed their kiss, still tasting her with much gusto. At this moment, she was defenseless. She had lost her case against him, all her troubles had flown out of her head. What simply mattered to her was the undeniable passion between them. It made her feel wonderful and she was ready to give her all once more.

His fingers touched the underside of her breasts, barely grazing them. He drew back to gauge her reaction. "Sacchan, may I?" He waited for her permission, only going as far as to trail his fingerpads under her breasts. Her breath hitched as his thumbs mildy ran up and down the sides, making her anticipate his next move.

But he didn't go further and he only watched her face as he patiently continued to tease her. He was waiting for her approval, she realized. Biting her lip, she hesitated, feeling a remote uncertainty. He was Gin-san, she loved him and she wanted to be with him. Her body and soul were his. Still, this seemed wrong. It was rooted from lust and revenge, a determination built from the wrong reasons. His heart was someone else's and she had no right to thwart that love.

She grabbed his shirt, wanting to end her frustration, but he took this as mild consent to his actions. Boldly, he moved his thumbs to trace the skin around her nipples. "Do you want me to?" He was so close to crossing the line and she wanted him to do it. Her body was willing to jump at him but her mind, though almost turning irrational, was still fighting.

"Just say yes, Sacchan. I need you to say yes."

Her eyes pleaded with him. She didn't really know what she was begging - for him to stop or to go further. But as he drew closer, his body heat embraced her and sent her over the edge.

"Yes," she finally agreed. "Please, Gin-san. Yes!"

Wasting no time, he brushed the peaks, groaning along with her. He pressed them, massaging wayward circles and flicking every now and then. Sacchan tightened her hold on him, feeling more aroused than ever. She could hear herself moaning nonstop, enjoying his hands on her.

"You're still so sensitive," he whispered.

"Gin-san!" She screamed as he pinched moderately, making her writhe. With each grasp of his fingers, she could feel her center tightening in response. When he proceeded to lick a tip, blowing at it afterwards, she had officially lost it.

Sacchan leaned against him, unable to keep steady. Her long cries of "ohhhs" and "ahhhs" were reflexive.

"Not so much noise," he breathed in her ear. "Someone might hear. I don't want to be interrupted."

She bit her lip and nodded. She had no desire to be interrupted either.

"Brace yourself, Sacchan," he said before clamping his mouth on a breast and sucking deeply.

She had grabbed at his hair to release her extreme stimulation. There was no way to stop the satisfied sound from her lips. "Gin-san! N-not too s-strong!"

He ignored her and carried on. His tongue stroked her in all directions and swirled lazily against her breast. Lifting her, he moved to the couch and set her down, never letting go of his attachment to her nipple. He positioned her arms above her head, making her breasts swell towards him. Without pausing, he transferred to the other mound.

Being in that position, Sacchan was once again reminded of their first night together at the same place. Every little thing that had happened so far, was a repeat performance of that time. Gin-san, arriving out of nowhere, demanding that she confirm her desire for him. He persuaded her by kissing her and stimulating her breasts, even saying that he missed her. Though he was much forceful back then, there was still a strange feeling of deja vu in her veins.

She had given in then, believing his need for her. Now, look where that had gotten her. She was framed and used. What had she done to deserve it?

No matter how delicious it felt to be in his arms, Sacchan knew it was not the right place for her. She was a temporary replacement, used to fill the void of Tsukki's departure. It hurt, it hurt so much to admit but she had to face and accept the truth. Loving Gin-san was never easy, but even a small gesture of caring from him was completely worth it. But did he even have a care for her? His intimate actions were a facade, a ploy to get her to cooperate.

As he spread her legs and slipped his fingers in between her tender flesh to rub at the apex, she thought of his treatment of her at the hideout when he caught her spying. He displayed raw emotion, fury because of Tsukki's fate. Everything was about Tsukki for him. She recalled her conversations with Kagura, Zenzou and the others. They all confirmed her fears.

Gin-san blamed her for everything. Losing Tsukuyo changed him. He was devastated by her loss. They were in love and everyone around them was witness to that. A ceremony was planned for their union, a few weeks before Tsukuyo disappeared. He had gone mad tearing through Edo and Yoshiwara searching for her. There was no trace of his beloved. Only later did he realize Sacchan's own absence and instinctively linked her to the crime.

The wounds were fresh in her heart. She doubted they would ever heal. The pain had overcome the pleasure he was giving her. His touch made her feel nothing but regret. Regret that she had allowed things to get this far tonight.

Pushing him off her, she sat up in misery. The madness had to stop.

"That's enough, Gin-san. You don't have to do this anymore."

He panted. "What do you mean? Sacchan? What's wrong?"

"There's no need to convince me in this manner. It's all right. I've already decided to help you with getting Tsukki back. I've also told you everything I know." She covered her breasts, ashamed of her submissiveness to him.

"Don't start misunderstanding, Sacchan."

"I know you miss her, Gin-san, but please, don't take it out on me. Or is this because of Kawakami-san? I never helped him in any way. He's been gone for months. This is the first time I've seen him for so long-"

"You're completely missing the point-"

"Gin-san, please, I understand more than you think. All this is because of Tsukki, I know that. I promise, we'll get her back. I'm trying my best-"

"Sacchan, shut up! You're completely wrong!"

"I don't want to be used anymore. It's not right- For either of us..."

"I just told you I wanted you. I still do! Is that so hard to-"

"No! I don't want to do this anymore," she lied. It was for his sake. She knew his loneliness made him crave for physical affection and company. That made him desire her, the only one available. "You'll get through this. We'll find her soon enough and you can go back to her and reclaim your life."

"Sacchan..." He reached for her but she pushed him away.

She grabbed his left wrist and held his hand in hers, angling it towards the light. The hair on his ring finger shone in the brightness. Bitterly, she touched it, just to make sure it was truly there. He drew back this time.

"That string..." She couldn't remain clueless about it. "It's connected to Tsukki, isn't it?" Sacchan knew that much. Kagura and Shinpachi told her about a promise, a vow which the strand signified.

Gin-san nodded, staring at his finger. "It was a promise to return," he said. "A promise that no matter what happens, we'd come back to see each other." His voice was soft and a tender look appeared in his eyes.

She cupped his face with her hands, defeated. He had to remain strong, even if it was for someone else. She needed to be strong too. He needed her help. "Then wait for her, Gin-san," she whispered to him, feeling her insides crushed and aching. "Wait for her but don't get lost along the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Evil laughing* I think it's safe to say that we're only about halfway through the story at this point. The result of taking things for granted. Maybe the tables have turned.


	11. No One is an Island, Even if That Person Tries Hard Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is unedited, because I am always rushing when writing it. Sorry for the delay with uploading this chapter. Been super busy at work, I'm sooo tired and always sleeping to recover. Not sure if this chapter turned out well. It might drag but I really wanted to reiterate some themes in this story. I'm also in a sour and anxious mood because I'm worrying about a lot of things. Life, oh life. First 2 sentences in this chapter are from the movie trailer, I think. *v*

**Chapter 11: No One is an Island, Even if That Person Tries Hard Enough**

_I’ll find you._

_We’ll see each other again._

Gintoki remembered the words he swore his life on. It wasn't easy to lose someone, especially a precious person. Having that someone close to your heart and regarding that person as important, it was a weakness. But the happiness and contentment he felt with them was worth it. It made him strive to become stronger, to be able to protect and care for them.

He thought of the precious people in his life. He had tried to forget his past, his world before he met his teacher, Yoshida Shouyou, and fellow students Katsura Kotarou and Shinsuke Takasugi. He never really got over Shouyou-sensei's death. Through the years, he only learned to deal with it. The painful memories threatened to ignite the flames of revenge in his heart but he found ways to suppress it.

He would not be as Shinsuke was and continued to be.

After the tragic war and beheading of his teacher, he spent time roaming, scavenging and killing to survive. It was like a history book, the old days, he felt that it was someone else's story, merely shared in passing to him.

Then he met the old lady, Ayano Terada, known widely as Otose. She took pity on him, seeing him eat her offerings at her huband's grave. After she let him move in to the second floor of her snack house, he swore to protect her as long as she lived. Except... he never paid his rent on time.

Soon, Shinpachi and Kagura appeared and they formed the new Yorozuya. An inseparable trio that accepted all kinds of jobs just to earn money for a living. He treasured those kids, fate had entrusted them to him, and they had occupied a permanent space in his heart. It was sort of implied though, he didn't really like telling them out loud.

More and more people came into his life, friendships and bonds forged and branching out everywhere. He supposed he wasn't an overtly friendly person nor was he someone to be all out trusted, but he would help anyone in need, hands down. That was probably where all those connections began.

It was too tedious to go over every detail of the other people he'd formed friendships with. Generally, there was mutual benefit. For others, you had to squint harder and if you twisted things to an uncomfortable angle, you'd somehow appreciate that maybe it was something good after all.

From the platonic ones to the rivals, to the enemies-turned-friends and vice versa, someone of higher ranking, a subordinate, a comrade, individuals of different professions and race, all those relationships somehow contributed to the man he was right now.

As for love, well, he was never a romantic individual. Perhaps some women viewed him as such due to his long-ass dramatic speeches that affected their hearts. He never really found the right woman for him, nor did he consider himself the type to settle down. They were always too violent, too gentle, too loud, too stalkery, too hard to get, too screechy, too shy, too quiet, too virginal, too slutty, too covered up, too revealing, too breasty, too flat, too girly, too manly, too smart, too dumb, too rich, too poor, too short, too tall, too giggly, too apathetic, too into him, too uninterested, and many more.

That is, until Tsukuyo happened.

So, she just turned out to be the perfect woman for him. For more than a million times, he'd thought of how ideal they were together. It sounded cheesy, and he would never admit it out loud, but they were made for each other. Their minds, bodies and souls were one. Hinowa once commented that their compatibility made the stars fall from the skies with ecstasy.

Then all that shit happened and he was sucked into this goddamn world of complexities.

He wasn't blameless, that was obvious, but he thought he had the guts, with the right mixture of indifference, to pursue his plans. He never expected to get caught in a splendid mass of purple tangles which he was now reluctant to break free of.

Ayame Sarutobi. Sacchan. He never really liked her that much, as far as he remembered. She was weird, loud and too perverted for his tastes. When he first met her, he actually thought she was quite pretty and innocent-looking. She was literally the first thing he saw upon waking up that morning. Her peaceful sleeping face was close to his as she was sprawled on top of him. He got drunk the night before and his first thoughts were WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? When he swallowed too much alcohol, he never recalled the events immediately surrounding him but he didn't really make a habit of bringing women to his place, intoxicated or not.

Still, he had his share of ladies in the bedroom. He was a man, after all. A very physically demanding one but that was mostly in the past. And in the dark. Once the female species noted his silver perm, they avoided him like the plague, moreso if they discovered his empty wallet. It was a curse but one that contributed to his uniqueness. Since he began the new Yorozuya, he's been out of luck with women.

Right now, he still had misfortune with them. He continued to attract the wrong types, crazy ones. Except probably for one. Tsukuyo was probably the first woman he had ever fallen in love with. Their official relationship lasted only a few weeks though it had been developing long before that. Then, she was gone and he was left in pieces.

Years later, he found himself in a so-called affair with Sacchan, the last person he ever thought of getting intimate with. Surprisingly, he had him eating out of her hands. It was probably that damn delicious body of hers. She felt good in his arms and was always trying to please him. She was nursing his damn ego.

He remembered her various skimpy outfits from her nurse imitation, to even a dominatrix. She actually looked cute in a wedding dress and the little white bikini she wore at times. Then there was the kunoichi cafe uniform and her own ninja wear. She was a pretty decent looking woman but she never really sparked any attraction within him before. There were rare times when he teased her or played along just 'cause he felt like it, nothing more. Her personality didn't help her case either.

Of course, things have changed. This was punishment for his malevolent deeds.

After finally talking with her, kissing her again after all those weeks of torture, and almost making love to her, he was still feeling more vaporous than ever.

He continued to watch her closely every time she was around him and he always initiated conversations no matter how stupid they sounded. Deliberately, he would move in close proximity to her just to catch her scent, to touch her, to see her wonderful breasts right in front of him, or to look in her eyes and feel the connection.

He was glad that she wasn't avoiding him as much, but she turned everything into something Tsukki-related.

Tsukki... He did not want to think about her right now. He still loved her, he was sure, but he did not want to face her in his mind. He was afraid that she was gradually fading away and being replaced by some minor substitute. It was impossible.

He cringed, feeling like an ass, referring to Sacchan as such. But that was what she was, right? A woman to fill in for Tsukki in the meantime. She knew that, hence her slight aloofness. He wished that she wouldn't stray away from him completely.

When she wasn't around, he would impatiently wait for her or head to the place where she was. A perfect example was this exact moment.

He was at their hideout, pretending to watch TV, but actually spying on the door to see if a certain tempting purple-haired woman in glasses walks in. It's been hours though, and so far, only two annoying teenagers - one too perky the other with a voracious appetite, a pair of glasses wearing a young boy, a large dog-like creature, and a long-haired random idiot, have come through.

Where was she?

He promised himself to go look for her if she didn't come by after an hour. It was unbearable. He just wanted to be around her. It was disgusting, his neediness. Lately, he was still sort of groveling, trying to be nice and making her comfortable with him again. Everything will be worth it once she falls back in his arms once more.

Without a doubt, he wanted her back. He wasn't going to define their relationship but as long as they reached an understanding and resumed getting physical again, it would be excellent.

Kagura sat down beside him and crossed her legs. "You're waiting for Sacchan again, aren't you, Gin-chan?"

He coughed, "Who? No, I'm not. I'm just bored."

"You're still an idiot." She shook her head, "Well, don't wait up till midnight or the next morning."

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't been paying attention, have you, Gin-chan?"

"What is it, Kagura?" He was becoming edgy.

She smiled, wickedly. "If you give me ten packs of sukonbu and your share of dinner for a week, then I'll tell you."

"You greedy little alien, no way in hell!"

"Okay Gin-chan." She whistled an irritating tune. "I wonder how Sacchan's doing with whatever she's doing..."

Gintoki rested his chin on his palm and faced away. There was no way he was giving up his dinner.

"Sacchan always looks pretty with those dresses, right Gin-chan? And she seems to be warming up to you again." Kagura giggled. Giggled? What the hell? "You'd be surprised with the things she tells me about you..."

He gritted his teeth, trying to think of something else. Food, sweets... Sacchan always made sure he ate well... NO... The television, what's on TV? He glanced at the box, it was the one from her home and right now a man and a woman were kissing passionately on screen. CRAP. The pile of comics on the floor... She gave them to him. SHIT. The rug! The dirty thing spread on the ground. That had nothing to do with her.

Visions of their hurried lovemaking on the floor immediately flooded his mind.

Well, fuck.

"... and she's done a lot in the past few years..." Kagura continued.

"WHAT IS IT?" He screamed, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"... She did seem nervous about tonight..."

"Kagura! TELL ME, YOU GLUTTONOUS PIECE OF-"

"OI! GIN-SAN! STOP SCREAMING!"

"Says the boy who's been whispering."

"Kagura here won't spill her knowledge, I'm getting frustrated!" He was really getting snappy.

"Say you'll give me your dinner!"

"Just tell me already!"

Shinpachi approached them dangerously, "Tell you what?"

"Where that- that... That  _woman_  is!"

"You mean Sacchan?"

He wanted to punch that grin off Shinpachi's face. "Go on then, make fun of the guy who took you guys in at your lowest points in life. Me, who brought you into this world, nursed you, fed you, put a roof over your heads. I'm killing myself working for your education..."

Kagura and Shinpachi were rolling with laughter.

"Gin-san, I've never seen you so pitiful." Shinpachi adjusted his glasses. "It's Sacchan and Zenzou's turn to investigate tonight. They're following a new lead. It could take a while..."

Oh? He didn't know that.

"Shinpachi! You moron! Why did you give it away so easily? What about his dinner in exchange for information?"

"Where? I think I'll check out that lead too." He pushed Kagura's face into the sofa and stood up to grab his Lake Toya weapon.

The other two shared a glance. "Erm... best not to, Gin-san. It's a bit difficult so we left it to the ninjas, remember?"

He didn't remember. That's right, he'd been spacing out during their meetings. He needed to focus.

Sighing, he flopped back down on the couch and tried to get rid of his impatience.

Time passed as slow as ever and his urge to sleep had completely gone away. He waited the entire night until it was almost four the next morning yet there was no sign of Sacchan nor Zenzou. He was on his feet, walking back and forth across the room, bursting with worry. They had more than enough time to gather information and return.

His other comrades were sleeping soundly on their respective mattresses, unaware of his turmoil. A small sound from the door caught his attention and he was quick to open it.

It was Hattori and he was alone. The man was drenched in blood, but Gintoki couldn't tell if it was his own. The ninja was hunched forward, clutching his left arm which was twisted in an impossible angle. Even his left foot was bent all the way back and being dragged forward by him. He could smell gun powder.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" He was yelling with all his might. "WHERE IS SACCHAN?"

The others woke and gathered by the door, taking Zenzou inside. Shinpachi and Otsuu had started with the first aid. Gintoki saw two bullet wounds on the ninja's shoulders.

"Hold on, hemorrhoid ninja!" Kagura was fishing out the bullets with a knife.

"L-let's go to a hospital," Otsuu suggested.

Katsura shook his head. "We can't. That's too risky."

"But Zenzou-san..."

"Shinpachi, take Hattori to the hospital with Sadaharu. Bring the girls with you," Gintoki ordered. "Zenzou, where is Sacchan?"

"S-she's not here?"

"What do you mean 'she's not here'? She was with you!"

"Yes... We were separated hours ago, after the confrontation with Matako and Henpeita."

"Where is she? Is she all right?"

"She's injured... But she killed the girl with the guns... I killed the other one... Then Kamui and Takasugi arrived. We had to escape."

"Where did it happen? I'm checking the area." He was nervous. Sacchan hadn't showed up.

"She was supposed to come here. We parted hours ago... I was being followed so I had to take a detour."

Gintoki cursed. "Where did you meet them?"

"At the closed lot behind the red and purple casino hotel." It was an abandoned area, a likely place for underground operations. "She can't be there, Gintoki. Check her... place." Zenzou winced in pain and grabbed his shoulder.

"Take him to the hospital. I'll find her!" He ran outside, rushing to the empty lot, reaching it in record time. It was dark, too gloomy and quiet despite the almost sunrise. He spent an hour searching the place but found no bodies. Not even a whiff of blood or gun powder was in the air.

Determined, he dashed to Sacchan's apartment and rapped on the door, hoping she was there. Within seconds, she opened the door. Her frameless eyes widened upon seeing him. He studied her face, noting flushed cheeks. She looked... okay.

Her body was wrapped in a large robe which covered her arms and legs. Even her neck was hidden.

"You're all right..." He said, stepping forward.

She moved back, wrapping the garment tighter around her body. "Y-yes... Do you- do you need something?"

He didn't take his eyes off her as he stepped inside and shut the door. "I heard about what happened... from Hattori. They brought him to the hospital."

"Is he going to be fine?" She looked away from him and stepped further back.

"I think so..." He continued to stare at her, trying to find something wrong. "Are you hurt? Why didn't to go to the hideout?"

She bit her lip, "I... I could handle it on my own."

"Are you injured?"

"Gin-san..." Her lower lip trembled and suddenly tears were flowing from her eyes.

"What's wrong?" He moved to grab her but she slid away, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" He wasn't sure what she was referring to. "It's okay. You're fine."

She shook her head. "No. I killed her, Gin-san. I killed her."

"So? She's the enemy." It was odd that something like this was bothering her. "You've killed before, haven't you? Maybe... Maybe it feels different after almost five years of not doing it."

He distracted her to be able to wrap his arms around her and he was pleased when she leaned against him. Tightening his hold, he rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed her back as she sobbed into his chest.

"Sacchan," he murmured, feeling her warmth against his body. He bit back a groan. She felt amazing and fit right in his arms. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

He drew back and cupped her cheek with his hand. She looked so sad and vulnerable. "What do you mean?"

"I had no choice but to kill her, you have to believe me."

He bent down and kissed her, wanting her to know that everything was okay. He could care less if Matako Kijima was dead. It only meant they had one less opponent.

She seemed rattled and he wanted to calm her. Their kiss was smooth and light. He hoped he had reassured her. As he pulled away, he caressed her lower back and whispered against her lips.

"Relax. I believe you. Sacchan..."

Her eyes were searching his. "We were so close... She was our lead to Tsukki... I'm really sor-"

He kissed her again, frustrated with her apologies. There was no need to ask his pardon for what she did.

"Gin-san, wait. You- you shouldn't kiss me- ahhh!"

He moved his hands to her breasts to cup them through her robe. "I want to kiss you... and touch you everywhere. Sacchan, I want to make lo-"

"No!" She pushed at him, breathing heavily. "Gin-san, go back to the hideout and take a cold shower. You're just reacting as a man-"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I want you before you let me-"

"Stop it! This isn't fair to Tsukki!" He had never seen her face so determined.

He reached towards her but she slapped his hand away. "This has nothing to do with her!"

"This has  _everything_  to do with her. Go away now, Gin-san, or I'll hate you. Stop making me betray her even more. This isn't right!"

"The hell it isn't! You're not listening to me!"

"Things aren't over between you and her! Don't drag me into this. You know I'm here for you, Gin-san... but not like this."

"Stop holding back, you idiot! Why do you keep trying to get away from me?"

"Because of Tsukki, Gin-san! We have to stop this. We're both doing this for her. You said you'd wait for her. That was your promise. I- I know how much she means to you... how much you love her. Don't make me taint your love for her."

"That's not what you're doing!"

"I don't want to get in between-"

He cried out, frustrated. "You're not! You're-"

"You can't have both! If you say that you want me... That means you're forgetting about her. You're letting go of her. Is that it, Gin-san? Are you going to disregard her now?"

"OF COURSE NOT! I'm not discounting Tsukki-"

"I know. That's why I'm not letting you do this." She pointed to the door and avoided his gaze. "Now, you have to leave. If you don't... If you don't... I'll hate you for what you're making me do. You have to understand. I'll never forgive myself for letting you and Tsukki down."

Once more, he grabbed her and held her to his chest, counting the seconds as they passed. He didn't want to go but if she asked him to, then he was not going to force himself on her. She was currently drowning in misconceptions, making things even more complicated.

She had a point though. Was he with Tsukuyo or Ayame now? Honestly, he wanted to give in to what he wanted right now and deal with the consequences later. She shouldn't ask him to choose at this moment, the circumstances weren't right.

If she needed space, fine, he'd give her some time to clear her head. After all, he'd been as straightforward as he could be. He was making no promises of keeping his distance permanently.

He kissed her neck, licking the tender spot that made her shiver and pressed his lips on the skin above her clavicle, reveling in her unrestrained reaction.

"Since you begged,  _kitten_ , I'll leave tonight." He was satisfied for now, seeing that she had no life-threatening injuries. "Just so you know, we're not done."

He spent the whole morning bathing in ice cold water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am pleasantly surprised with the Bansai reactions lolololol. Tbqh, I initially contemplated on a TakasugixSacchan connection but it never seemed to fit and well... you'll see soon. Um... I'm getting confused myself that's why Gin is confused and undecided here too. It's ugly, I know.


	12. When Dreams and Reality Mix, a Problem Emerges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This fic is unbetaed, as you probably know by now. Another delay with this chapter due to plot modifications. I’m also getting new shippy feels for HijiTae because of the Gintama forums and a fanfic. Help! Also rewatched the Red Spider arc (*cries* Why do I punish myself like this? Oh yeah, I need material for this fic.). *rubs hands together + wicked laugh + thunder + lightning effects* Everything is according to plan… $_$

**Chapter 12: When Dreams and Reality Mix, a Problem Emerges**

They were kissing again.

Their lips were glued and their tongues swiped hungrily against each other. Cries of gratification emerged from their throats. Her fists were crumpled in his hair, tugging him closer, while he possessively explored her body with his hands. The intensity was almost making her cave in to him… But they had an agreement. There were limits.

Gin-san was persistent with his plans of getting back with her. After their awful parting a few days back, he had immediately returned the same afternoon, waking her from a dreadful sleep.

“You weren’t breathing!” He looked distraught, voice laced in panic.

“I was having a nightmare,” she explained, recalling her battle with Matako. Bullets had raced toward her, burying themselves in her arms, stomach and chest. Her jaw was kicked several times causing her to spit out blood.

Some of her injuries were ultimately fatal but what concerned her were the enemy’s words. Matako had taunted her first, laughing at her current situation. “You think he actually wants you? He’s  _using_ you!”

Sacchan’s rage at her comment made her land a kunai straight to the woman’s chest.

The blonde gunner continued her mockeries despite the pain. “I really don’t understand what they see in you. You’re an ugly, useless, perverted, annoying freak!” She fired a few more shots as Sacchan tried to run away. Some of them hit her back and shoulders.

She fell on the cement, paralyzed with pain while trying not to let the words affect her. Grabbing a kunai, the last of the weapons Zenzou had lent her, she prepared to face her opponent once more.

But her eyes were useless; she had lost her glasses again. It was torture to move any other part of her body. The bullets had taken away her strength. Her jaw was throbbing to the point that she thought it would spontaneously fall off. A harsh ringing in her ears made her cry out.

“-raia... –sai... Complete idiots. You’ll die here anyway. I’ll just tell them I had no choice in the matter.” The gun clicked, ready to blast her brains out.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Sacchan mustered up all the courage she could. She tried to remember every little bit of training she had undergone. With much faith and determination; speed and power, she sliced the kunai upwards.

She had done it. Matako was dead, her neck cut open with the weapon.

Then, it hit her, a sense of danger. There were more enemies in the vicinity. She jumped when a figure landed behind her.

“It’s me, Sarutobi.” Zenzou murmured, shoving her glasses on her palm. “We have to escape. There are two more coming this way. They must have noticed the commotion.”

Sacchan nodded, fear building up inside her. She wondered if she would make it out alive. Her injuries couldn’t take her far enough.

Zenzou had taken notice of this. “I’ll hold them off. Go back to the hideout immediately and tell the others. I’ve also killed her companion. That’s two of them down. But there are more approaching.”

She shivered, unsure. “I can’t leave you here. You’ll get killed!” A pulse of dizziness and nausea hit her, making her sway. She held on to the wall.

“If you stay, we’ll both be killed.” He pointed behind her. “Go now. I have far less injuries than you. I’ll handle this.”

She was used to this, leaving team members behind. It was in the rules of the ninja. They never had bonds nor did they go in groups. It was every man for himself. So, she left, despite feeling something was wrong. She would go to the ramen place. Gin-san and the others would help Zenzou and maybe they would capture someone and finally get more information on Tsukuyo.

However, the night ended without her reaching them. She lost all energy and consciousness, collapsing on a roof. When she woke up, groggy, she was lying on her futon with a large figure looking over her. He was silent and his shape blurry. One hand was smoothing her forehead and hair while the other held something to her neck.

There was a sting on her nape and she realized he was injecting something in her. She tried to raise her hand to stop him but she was too weak. Suddenly, she felt herself floating and her nerves blazed. Sacchan screamed, unsure of the quality of the sensation.

“It’s working, I daresay.” He massaged the area on her neck with his finger. “Don’t fight it, Ayame.”

She cried out some more, trying to make sense of what was happening. The pain was disappearing, slowly being replaced by bliss. She looked up at the man, finally seeing him clearly. “K-Kawakami-san?”

He smiled, “You can see me without your glasses.”

Gasping, she touched her lids and realized he was right. “W-what was that?” She sat up, feeling nervous.

“You’re better now. I healed you.” His hand moved to the small of her back and his face was close to hers.

Looking down, Sacchan realized she was comfortable. She ran her hands over her stomach and arms, finding no wounds or aches. She faced him again in wonder. “Thank you,” she whispered, staring at his impassive face.

He remained still, holding her and gazing at her quietly. Sacchan felt herself blushing yet she was also mysteriously drawn to him. His lips twitched, and he moved closer…

Then his head snapped back and he stood forcibly, clearing his throat. “Someone’s coming, I daresay. I must leave.”

She bit her lip, embarrassed.

“You’ll be fine now. And your friend… he’s alive, just wounded. I’ll see you again, Ayame.”

Seconds after he left, loud, rapid knocks sounded on the door. It was Gin-san, wanting to know what happened. They had a short argument and he left, furious.

That afternoon, he returned and when he woke her, he asked her what she was dreaming about.

“I- I don’t remember…”

“It’s not normal to stop breathing while sleeping or dreaming!” He was outraged.

She cringed, “I don’t know, Gin-san. Maybe you were mistaken-“

“YOU HAD NO PULSE!”

“I- I’m awake now, aren’t I? Let’s just forget it…”

He embraced her tightly, kissing her hair. “Sacchan…”

She pushed him away. “Why are you here, Gin-san? I thought we already talked about this.”

“I had to see you and I said we weren’t done!” He pushed her flat on the bed and trapped her with his body. “Look, I think it’s best if I stay here with you again.”

Her cheeks were burning, “N- No, there’s no need-“

“Yes there is! It’s not safe for you to live alone. You should probably stop working at the bar for now…”

“I can’t! I need the money.”

“You will because I said so!”

She tried to shove him off but he was too heavy. He grabbed her hands and pinned them to the sides. “Why should I do that? I can take care of myself.”

“I’m staying with you whether you like it or not. I’ll follow you to that goddamn bar and watch you like a hawk.”

Sacchan struggled, trying not to laugh at the irony of the situation.  _Now_  he was insisting on accompanying her everywhere? He hated it when she chased him around. It was… odd.

“Gin-san… It’ll… Complicate things…”

“What’s complicated?” He murmured, kissing her slowly. “We’re simply returning to how it was a few months ago, right?”

She shivered as he touched her, palms smoothing her waist and gliding upwards to squeeze her breasts. He nudged her legs apart and settled between them, making her moan. Her body seemed extra sensitive right now, firing up with his closeness and shattering with his touch. She wanted him badly.

He unclothed her breast and sucked on it, groaning as he moved against her. The sensation was magnified a hundred times more than before. She held his head close and wailed, wishing he would never stop.

“I SAID… EXCUSE ME, YOU TWO! OI! SARUTOBI! GINTOKI!”

Gin-san stopped and turned to face their guest. He let out a dismayed cry, tossing a pillow on Zenzou’s face.

Sacchan shrieked and hurriedly covered herself, wondering how they were unable to hear him enter. “Zenzou!” She cried, appalled, “What the hell do you think you’re doing here?! Knock first, you bastard!” She grabbed the nearest stick and threw it, watching it zoom straight into his ass.

“Damn it, Sarutobi! I’ve been knocking for the last twenty minutes and no one answered so I decided to check inside.” He was rubbing his butt after plucking out the stick. He looked tired and weakened, his left arm was bandaged and in a sling. On his foot was a cast.

“Oi! Are you even supposed to be walking?” Gin-san had stood up and was peering at Zenzou’s face.

The ninja’s head turned to Sacchan. “I need to talk with Sarutobi…”

Gin-san glanced at her and shrugged as he left the room. Sacchan briefly heard him say, “There’s no strawberry milk anywhere!”

She focused on Zenzou, taking in his injuries. He looked terrible but she wondered what he was feeling. His eyes were hidden, as always, making him difficult to interpret.

“Sarutobi…” He edged closer, suspicion in his tone. “What happened?”

“W-what do you mean?” She asked him nervously. He was starting to scare her.

“Your injuries, they were severe… But now, there’s no trace of them.”

She gasped and tightened the robe around her. “Forget it, Zenzou-“

“What the hell is going on, Sarutobi?” He was yelling. “Could it be… You’re a traitor after all- OWW!”

Gin-san had returned and knocked Zenzou’s head with his fist. “Oi, shut up and leave her alone, hemorrhoid ninja.”

He rubbed his head and elbowed Gin-san on his side. Sacchan could feel his doubtful gaze. “You’re right, Gintoki. Maybe we should keep an eye on her.” Zenzou left after that.

“Huh…” Gin-san murmured. “What injuries? What was he talking about?”

Sacchan struggled to keep a clueless expression. “I- I’m not sure, Gin-san. He seems confused.”

His eyes narrowed and he stared at her for a few seconds before crawling back into bed with her. “Now, where were we?”

Her vision returned to its old condition days after. She started to feel twinges in the areas where the bullets hit but other than that, her body was recovering. Sacchan still wondered what Bansai had done to her but she never told anyone, not even Gin-san. She was terrified that it would provoke him or worse, make him hate her for consorting with the enemy. It would be best to keep it from Gin-san to minimize his distractions.

She told herself that she hadn’t done anything treacherous. What happened did not affect their plans in any way.  _It won’t happen again_ , she assured herself. She won’t let it.

Now, she was at the bar, getting ready for another night’s performance. Gin-san insisted on staying in her dressing room while she was preparing. She tried to keep her cool as he watched her change clothes, never looking away. She saw his eyes darken as he stepped closer with an aura of determination.

“Gin-san!” She gasped when he grabbed her by the waist before kissing her fervently. She was supposed to perform in a few minutes but she was still here in her room, making out with him.

“I want you,” he said, running his hands over her breasts repeatedly. He was extremely aroused and Sacchan wondered if her costume for tonight had anything to do with it.

The peach bikini barely clothed her breasts and the garment was practically see-through. A fine layer of net threads covered her abdomen. The bottom half of her costume was high cut and exposed her butt cheeks.

“Are you seriously going to perform wearing this?” He wondered out loud. “Who picks out your, um, dresses?”

She blushed, still aware of his gaze and hands on her body. “Management gives me clothes for the night.”

“Those bastards,” he murmured. “They’re using you to rake in more customers. One look at you in that…” He trailed off, swallowing.

“Gin-san!”

A few nights ago, he had coaxed her into getting intimate with him again. All her troubles and reasons regarding Tsukki were blown away by him. She had tried to fight him off but eventually, they reached a compromise.

He could kiss her and touch her but only over her clothes. There would be no lovemaking until they had sorted everything out. Gin-san reluctantly agreed but he found ways to get around their rules.

He would surprise her by slyly slipping his hands under her clothes and touching her skin to skin, making her livid. She had to lock the door while showering because he had ambushed her several times in the bath.

Twice, he had taken advantage of her sleeping state, undressing her and making his moves then.

It was a lie to say that she wasn’t happy with getting back with him but a part of her continued to feel guilty and uneasy about their relationship. She felt sad after thinking about it but eventually, she conceded, wanting to be with him.

Sacchan decided to deal with the consequences – the heartache – after, when the time would come. It was inevitable, so she should enjoy what she had while it lasted.

He pushed her against the wall as he kissed her hard and pinched her nipples, making her howl. “You know I’m not doing this to hurt you, right Sacchan?”

She nodded, speechless.

“I’m doing it because you like it rough,” he explained.

“I know,” she moaned.

A rap sounded on the door. “Aya-san! You’re on in ten minutes!”

“Yes!” She cried in between kisses. “I’ll be there soon.”

Gin-san chuckled, “We still have ten minutes…” He licked her breast through the cloth, creating a wet stain on the area.

She pulled at his hair, “Gin-san! Don’t! They’ll see-“

He smirked before licking the other similarly, “Let them wonder.”

“Ahhh! You’re mean!”

He pinched her again. “You love this, Sacchan. I know…”

“Oh yes, Gin-san! B-but I have to go… The show will start soon.”

Sighing, he let go of her. “You drive me crazy… Wear your glasses while you sing so you can see me in the audience.”

“N- No… I never wear my glasses onstage.”

“Wear them,” he insisted. “They’re… you.”

“Gin-san…” She stared at him, his handsome face ravaged with kisses made her heart skip a beat. He looked… sincere.

“I won’t let you go there otherwise. C’mon, Sacchan…” He kissed her again before leading her out the door and to the stage.

It was the first night she went onstage with her glasses but she was all right. The entire time, she looked only at him, feeling giddy and safe at the same time. Seeing him there for her, she realized that she truly loved him. He was amazing in every way. But in her heart, she tried to ignore the nagging pang of dread that portended the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost there… the part where… omg!


	13. You Have to Open Your Eyes, To See Things Clearly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This story is unbetaed. I have the weekend off so I was able to write. Am alternating studying and writing so I won’t get stressed. The movie is out! Waaah I wanna watch it! TYVM readers! ;D

**Chapter 13:** **You Have to Open Your Eyes, To See Things Clearly**

“Oi! There you are.”

Gintoki pulled himself up on the roof of their hideout, his eyes glued to the hunched figure on one side. Her hair was swinging with the wind while the edges of her yukata danced along. Part of her face was hidden, tucked in her arms. Her glasses reflected the current sunset, concealing her eyes from his view. She didn’t budge, even as he sat next to her and told her he had been looking for her.

Facing the sunset instead, he admired the way it tinted the sky. It reminded him of nothing in particular but he was aware of the romantic atmosphere it established. He sighed, unable to break the comfortable silence, and inched closer to put his arm around her. His inner self leaped and punched the air with glee when she lay her head on his shoulder.

She still looked anxious with her forehead creased and her body tense. He wanted to ask her what was wrong and appease her but he also knew of other ways to calm her, like kissing.

Tilting her face towards his, he planted a soft, quick kiss on her lips, hoping she would relax. He had a few hunches on why she was being more reserved lately. It wasn’t a coincidence that he and Zura discovered the Kiheitai’s base while following a lead days ago.

Only to find out it was empty.

But they searched the place and determined that it was not a temporary dwelling for their enemies. They would return. By that time, Gintoki and his team would infiltrate.

The remaining thing to do was wait for their reappearance.

Shinpachi also found a possible connection between the missing Amanto and the Kiheitai. It could be part of their rebellion, inflicting terror upon their race before commencing destruction. A dying male Amanto was in one of the rooms, strapped to the wall. He was dehydrated and extremely pale. Bleeding sites, puncture wounds, were all over his arms and neck. His last and only word to them was  _blood_.

Takasugi’s group was merciless.

Gintoki’s fear of Tsukuyo’s fate increased immensely, and he wondered if he truly wanted to know, finally, what had become of her. There was a small chance that she would not be with them but if that were the case, he still had to keep searching. This was the closest he had ever been to reuniting with her all these years.

This was also probably not the best time for it to happen.

Sacchan maintained eye contact after their kiss, the lines in her forehead gone. She was either trying to read him or attempting to tell him something. Her hands rested on his chest, a gesture that he liked, making him think that she was at ease with him.

“You’ve changed,” he whispered, kissing her again, this time taking longer. She responded steadily, leaning closer to him.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re serious now… and shy. So different from what I remember before.”

She frowned, “Does it bother you?”

“No.” He shook his head, trying to figure out how to tell her exactly what he meant. He liked her this way, sane and all, but he knew she was suppressing more of herself. Her cheerful eagerness and assertiveness made her interesting. She was certainly a good balance to his laid back and often subdued nature.

“Gin-san…” She looked down and bit her lip. “I… I don’t want to annoy you with my behavior. You-“

“Look, Sacchan, just be yourself.”

“You always pushed me away.” Her cheeks were scarlet. “I know I acted like I enjoyed it. I am a masochist- ah!“

He bit her neck and lay her on the roof. Chuckling, he murmured, “Yep. Definitely a masochist.”

“Gin-san!” She covered her neck with her hands. “What I’m trying to say is that… I know why you kept rejecting me and I don’t want it to happen anymore.”

“Does it look like I’m rejecting you?” He kissed her again, more passionately this time, groaning as it deepened. He draped her arms around his shoulders and lowered his body to crush her. His hands found their way to her hair, repeatedly stroking the smooth strands.

Her own fingers were playing with his curls. When they touched his nape, a shiver ran through him, making him desperate for more.

He wanted her so badly.

“Sacchan,” he groaned, lifting himself to slip her robe to the sides and view her breasts. A lacy white bra greeted him, causing a wave of frustration. “You’re wearing a bra?”

“What’s wrong?”

“NOOOO!” He covered his face with his hands. “I was hoping for instant  _puff-puff_   _action_!”

Sacchan gasped, a sound full of alarm, as she pushed him violently that he almost fell off the roof. “W- What did you say?” Her eyes were wide.

“What’s come over you?” He asked as he slid back in place. “I said  _puff-puff action_.” The words left his lips again before he belatedly realized what they suggested. “NO! STOP! I WASN’T THINKING OF IT THAT WAY!”

Apparently, she had reached the wrong conclusion. Her face crumpled and he could see her eyes full of misplaced understanding. This was the worst time for him to have mentioned such a taboo word.

She spoke, gently. “It’s all right, you miss her, after all. You said her name in your sleep last night, do you remember?”

He didn’t.

She faced away, wrapping the robe tightly around herself. “I’m not angry. This was bound to happen.” Her shoulders shook slightly and she sniffed.

They had reverted to square one, all because of his stupid mouth. He only stared at her back, unsure of his next move. He wasn’t pretending to desire her, he knew he really wanted this, but he also had no control over his subconscious. Just because he had opened up to being with Sacchan, it didn’t mean that he had forgotten about Tsukuyo.

This was a fucking complicated situation.

He crawled behind her and turned her to face him, desperate for a chance to reason out. “Sacchan! I wasn’t thinking of her when I said it! I didn’t mean it that way! She wasn’t on my mind when I kissed you either!”

Her lack of response infuriated him. He had to get a reaction out of her. He wanted to show her and make her understand his intention.

Sacchan finally shrieked when he attacked her neck with licks and kisses. His hands shoved her yukata off and lifted her bra to expose her breasts to him. He nipped and sucked at them before she could protest. He was ready to make love to her right on the roof.

“Gin-san! Stop! Someone might see us!”

He straightened and kissed her while he squeezed her breasts. “That’s unlikely. It’s almost dark. Besides, I don’t care if anyone watches. As long as they know you’re mine.” He resumed teasing her nipples with his tongue, simultaneously tugging her panties off.

“Oi! Gintoki! Is that you? Ahahaha! Amazing! I can still see you clearly from here! These goggles are fantastic!”

He paused and sat back on his heels, swiveling to see who was intruding. “ZURA? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT?” His friend was 4 houses away, waving at them.

“Ah! It  _is_  you! Is that Sa-san with you? By the way, it’s KATSURA! I was just trying out these goggles we use for spying. I’m testing how far they can reach.”

“I suggest you go to the next town and find out. How long have you been there anyway?”

“Not telling! I’m supposed to be spying. Well, I’ll try that suggestion of yours and check out the next area from here.” He dropped himself on the ground and disappeared from sight.

Gintoki sighed and turned back to Sacchan, who was fully dressed again. “You’re right. Let’s go back inside.”

He dragged her on his lap to straddle him when they reached the couch. Without pausing, he kissed her and ground himself against her, making her moan.

“Gin-san! WAIT!” She yanked at his hair as he nuzzled her breasts with his face. His hands slipped under her robe to rest on her waist.

“Let’s just have sex, Sacchan. We’ll deal with it after.” He rubbed himself against her, attempting to relieve his tension, but she was only winding him up further. She overwhelmed him with her moans and the hard press of her body against his. Her hands squeezed his shoulders blindly.

Unfortunately, they were greeted by another interruption.

“OI! GET A ROOM!” Shinpachi flung a large bag full of vegetables at them.

Gintoki grumbled. “We were in a room, until you rudely barged in.”

“Sorry, Shinpachi-san. Gin-san over here got carried away.”

“Sacchan-san, I’m just worried that-“

“Gin-chaaaan! We’re leaving now! Hurry up! I want to use my coupons before the store runs out of meat.”

“KAGURAAAA! SHINPACHIIII! WHYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I JUST WANT TO FINALLY HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!” To say that he was frustrated and deprived was an understatement.

“SEX!”

“SEX?”

“GIRLFRIEND?” Sacchan coughed. “W- What did you say, Gin-san?”

Shinpachi was red in the face, as he tried to speak further without avail. Kagura screamed “VIRGIN” at him and dragged Gintoki to his feet and brought him to the door. “It’s up to us to scout the area tonight!” She drew a moustache on both their faces and handed him a magnifying glass, which he slammed on her head. “Oww! Gin-chan! I spent the whole day trying to get a good deal with that.”

He was unable to talk to Sacchan before they left.

“Gin-chan, you’re calling Sacchan your girlfriend now? She looks pleased.” Kagura handed out the coupons as they brisk walked to a restaurant.

He shrugged, “She won’t be if you guys keep suspending our private moments.” There was a dire need for a conference with these guys. Clearly, they needed a lesson in sensitivity and thoughtfulness.

Kagura wolfed down the food and even took half of his. He let it slide this time, just because his hunger was directed towards something else. Plus, the meat was spicy. He’d rather have a fountain of dessert.

“Gin-chan?”

“What?”

“What about Tsukki? We’re close to finding her. Are you done with her?”

He slammed his fist on the table. “No. I’m not!”

“You have two girlfriends now. It’s become even more complicated. Is it fun? I wonder if I should try having two girlfriends myself…” She picked at her teeth with her chopstick and gargled with the water.

“Don’t even think about it, kid. And you should say  _boy_ friends, not  _girl_ friends. Unless, you like girls? Are you interested in Otsuu-chan? Shinpachi will start a war.”

Kagura looked at him in disdain, “Don’t change the subject! I’m trying to clear things up for you. Just so you know, women don’t like sharing. Men shouldn’t have more than one relationship either.”

Gintoki remained silent and picked his nose. He didn’t know what to do.

They spent a few hours watching out for suspicious people and events. Not a shadow stirred their doubts, nor did any activity occur at the enemy’s hideout. Gintoki sighed with impatience. There must be something else they were missing. It was odd enough that Takasugi would let their fort be discovered and permeated so easily. Now, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all planted and they were walking into a trap.

Even so, he would head straight to it and let himself be ensnared if it was the only way to find Tsukuyo. He thought of the time when he tore straight through the Red Spider’s web, following the threads to get to the source. It was a mix of apprehension and fury that drove him to do something so rash. With pure determination, he defeated Jiraia and saved Tsukuyo. He could do it once more.

Kagura did not bring up the subject of his love life again. He was glad that somehow she understood how confused and undecided he was. She had grown up, insidious. But later that evening, when they decided to recommence the next day, he hurried to the bar to see Sacchan. He felt the need to be with her. It’s been a routine for him to accompany her to work and watch her show. She was also responsible for the death of Matako and that meant she was a target for the Kiheitai.

More importantly, he didn’t want to give Bansai Kawakami the chance to be alone with her.

His jaw dropped when he opened the door of her dressing room. She was wearing a short strapless  _and_  backless red dress that clung to her skin. Her hair was fluffed up and slightly wavy. She looked astoundingly sexy.

“Gin-san! I thought you were on patrol tonight?”

He rushed forward to touch her. “We found nothing of interest. How long do we have before you go onstage?”

She glanced at the clock. “Thirty minutes? Why? What is it?”

“I don’t think I can stand to keep my hands off you tonight.” He continued to smooth his palms on her waist as he stared into her eyes. She looked nervous, the blush on her cheeks weren’t due to applied make-up. Sacchan bit her lip before encircling her arms around his neck.

“Gin-san, did you mean what you said earlier?”

“Yes, I want to have sex with you so badly.” He kissed her neck while gliding his hands across her bare back.

She giggled, “No. About me being your… girlfriend.”

“Oh, that. Aren’t you? You don’t like it?” Why did women always concern themselves with labels? Should they even be talking about being a couple? Actions and circumstances should be enough to make them understand. He already stated it anyway and that should have settled it. Commitment was complicated.

“I like it,” she pressed closer and whispered in his ear. The motion made him shiver. “I thought you didn’t.”

“Glad I cleared it up.”

She surprised him when she stepped away. “We should celebrate, tonight.” She walked in front of the mirror and ignored him while adjusting her appearance.

A wicked idea struck him. He stood behind her and sucked on her earlobe. The reaction he saw on her reflection delighted him. “How about a quick lap dance?”

“A what?”

“Dance for me, Sacchan. I want to see the show before anyone else.”

She paused a while before she turned and kissed him, pressing her chest against his. He groaned with excitement. “Okay, Gin-san.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded and asked him to sit on the couch, which he hastily crashed on. Licking his lips in anticipation, he watched as she hummed and swayed her hips, touching herself all over, about a meter away from him.

He beckoned her forward, “It’s a  _lap_  dance, kitten. Come over here.”

“All right, Gin-san.” She moved closer and slapped her hands on his shoulders, wiggling her chest in front of his face. He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them. She moaned but drew his hands away when he tried to shove them down her dress. “No touching,” she breathed.

“You’re such a tease,” he groaned. “We only have a few more minutes.”

“Shhh.” She turned and sat on his lap, crushing him with her bottom. As she swiveled her hips side to side, he seized her waist and made her ground harder. “Gin-san!”

“Oh fuck, that feels so good.”

“Ahhh!” Her arms were wrapped around his neck and he could see her pert nipples through her dress. They were still thrusting against each other, their loud moans filling the room. Gintoki never thought that dry humping could feel so incredible and so close to the real thing. She was driving him senseless with her luscious movements.

He slipped a hand between her legs, wanting to provoke her into more amazing pelvic action. She seemed to be enjoying their current position, judging from her shrieks. He felt between them, marveling at her wetness. There was so much lubrication. “You’ve soaked us, Sacchan.”

She hummed but didn’t respond as she continued to rub against him, waywardly.

“OHHH!” He could feel himself about to burst.

“Gin-san! It’s unbearable! I need-“

As fate would have it, there was another interruption. A knock on the door. “Aya-san? You ready?”

They both stopped and stared at the door. Gintoki wanted to behead the person behind it. He had such bad timing. He glanced at Sacchan when she got up, trembling. Her breaths were loud and rapid.

“I’m on my way.” She paused in front of the mirror to do some last minute touches and glanced at him longingly before exiting the room. He sighed in frustration and looked down as he moved to cover the dampness and erection on his pants with his yukata before standing up to head to his usual place in the audience.

He was pleased to see her wearing her glasses and he smiled back at her when she spotted him. He wanted to punch every single male who was ogling her and yelling out obscenities. He felt smug though, those bastards would never get as close to her as he was.

When she announced the next song and said it was something quite accurate for her emotions, Gintoki became alert. He listened as she explained that it was originally in English, sung by an American artist called Madonna. The lyrics were translated to Japanese, but the tune was maintained.

Sacchan paused before signaling a start to the song she called, Crazy For You. He watched her closely, taking in each word and the song’s meaning. Was she singing it for him? She didn’t say. He strongly assumed that she was, though her eyes were glued to the back wall. She should look at him. He wanted to  _feel the weight of her stare_  and decipher her emotions.

Still, he thought he already knew the truth.

When the song ended, he stood up. He had wanted to grab her attention but she was already looking at him. Her lips were parted, eyes wide and intense. Gintoki tilted his head towards the dressing room, giving her a signal that they should talk. She turned and ran backstage without a reaction.

Curious, he bolted towards her dressing room and was startled to see her standing in the middle, glancing around frantically. He stepped inside and when she spotted him, she locked the door.

“Sacchan? What-“

She hauled his head towards hers and kissed him feverishly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He responded, still shocked but amazed at her boldness. Her lips mauled his and she gripped him tighter, as close as possible. Slowly moving his hands to her bottom, he rubbed her cheeks, seeking to pacify her but it only served to agitate her further.

Sacchan slid out of her clothes and started to undress him. She pressed her lips on his jaw and neck while she smoothed his chest with her hands. “Touch me, Gin-san,” she pleaded, urging her body on his.

He weighed her breasts in his hands, rubbing her nipples harshly. She screamed, begging for more. Her hand grabbed his length, gripping and pumping deliciously. He thrust towards her palm, enjoying her possession. “Squeeze harder, Sacchan!”

She did so as they kissed again, devouring each other impatiently. He wanted to continue kissing her but he also longed to suck on her breasts as he fucked her with all his might.

Without letting go, she dragged him to the couch and pushed him to lie on his back. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she took off her panties, climbed atop to straddle him, and started to kiss him again. “Sacchan,” he said when they paused, “this is fantastic.” She moved smoothly over him, teasing his tip with her wetness.

“Gin-san! I want you to fuck me,” she panted, as she pushed against him.

He groaned and entered her, feeling her wonderful tightness around him. She was screaming and moving her hips recklessly. It drove him insane.

“It’s been so long,” he growled.

She repeatedly plunged down and drew back, directing their rhythm, while she moaned and cried without a care. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and her face was buried in his neck as she rode him. “I don’t want to stop,” she gasped.

Gintoki marveled at her arousal and the erotic nature of her actions. He thrust against her and glided his hands through every part of her body that he could reach. She felt splendid; he did not want to stop either.

They screamed each other’s names as they let go, convulsing and collapsing on each other. Their breaths mixed as they kissed in the interim, never losing a bit of desire.

“Gin-san,” Sacchan murmured against his mouth, “let’s do it again.”

“Wow. You’re so eager…”

She sighed and slid her body along his torso. “Please…”

“Since you insist…” He looped his arms around her and turned them over to switch places. He bent his head to lick her breasts, frustrated since he had wanted to do this earlier. She whimpered in his arms and spread her thighs wantonly.

He smirked and decided to let her wait. For now, he would focus on her beautiful breasts and tease her ruthlessly.

She squirmed and begged, wrapping her thighs around his hips. Her shouts were still piercing and he was sure that they were heard from the outside. It was a good thing, so that everyone else would know she was his.

He penetrated her swiftly, drawing her as close to him as possible. He knew exactly how to drive her insane with his movements. Their lovemaking was in perfect harmony. It was a blessing that she had finally consented to this again.

Afterwards, Sacchan glanced at the clock and gasped. He looked to see that it was past midnight. “Let’s go home,” she told him as she started to get dressed. He kissed her again, still fueled by his need for her.

“Want me to tie you up and blindfold you?” He asked when they arrived at her apartment.

They spent the night making love, only taking a few power naps in between turns. It was a restless night but it was one he would repeat over and over and never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters before Tsukuyo’s appearance, including this, I think. Anyway, I’ll be uploading Chapter 14 also today or tomorrow.


	14. When You Decide, Do it Carefully and Without Haste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This story is unbetaed. Man, the situation’s getting so fucking complicated! Even I am confused! Hmm… That doesn’t sound good for the story HAHAHA. Don’t worry, I’ll get therapy. Thanks so much for giving feedback! ;O

**Chapter 14:** **When You Decide, Do it Carefully and Without Haste**

The sight of him before her made her heart race. Even with his wavy hair sticking out in all directions, the drool leaking from the corner of his mouth, the loud snores emanating from his throat, and his limbs spread out carelessly on the bed, he still looked perfect to her. And she had her glasses on.

She smiled sadly and wondered if it was the last time she would be with him this way. Sighing, she reached out to smooth his hair and wipe the drool off his face. She longed to spend her life loving and taking care of him like this.

The tears fell from her eyes, breaking through her restraint. She was going to lose him. Last night, she ceased holding back when she realized that she was ready to give up everything for him. The outcome didn’t matter, for as long as she did what she could. Over and over, she declared her love for him without expecting to hear him say it back. It was impossible for him to feel the same way.

He stirred and opened his eyes with much effort. Sacchan swiped away the tears from her face. She didn’t want him to see her crying. It would only make him feel guilty over something he wasn’t responsible for.

“Huh?” He groaned. “Sacchan? You’re awake? Again? Are you expecting us to go another round? Ohhh… I think I’ve strained my back.”

She laughed, both at his appearance and his words. It was true, she initiated most of their turns throughout the night. She wasn’t tired at all since she felt giddy with his embrace.

“Go back to sleep, Gin-san.” She gave him a light peck on the lips.

“I don’t think I can leave you hanging,” he whispered as he wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her neck. “But since you don’t look so aggressive right now… I want to ask you something.”

“What is it?” She asked, feeling his hair tickle her face.

He drew back and looked her in the eye. “That song at the bar last night, the one you translated from English, what did you mean by it representing your feelings?”

Sacchan closed her eyes, feeling herself blush. She was embarrassed to be confronted like this. Surely, he had an idea but he might want to confirm it. He would reject her if she told him directly.

“I- It’s a love song, Gin-san. The crowd goes wild if they think there’s some special meaning behind it.”

“So, is there one?”

“One what?”

“A special meaning behind that song.” His staring unnerved her.

“No,” she whispered, “nothing in particular.”

He moved to hold her underneath him. His face was extremely close to hers like he was trying to read her mind. “Then, I’m just jumping to conclusions if I’m thinking that it was your message to me?”

“W- What do you mean?”

“Somehow I felt like you wanted to tell me something. Like you’re  _crazy for me_  and all that.”

“Um, I-“

“Well, you  _are_  crazy. I just want to hear it from you, so I won’t go on assuming what you meant by that. Just tell me, like you kept saying how much you  _love_  me.”

“Gin-san!” She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes, feeling her cheeks burn even more. He was so blunt.

He tilted her head back, forcing her to look at him. “Sacchan!”

“Y- Yes, Gin-san, you know I’m in love with you a- and that song was a statement of my feelings for you…”

That made him smile and kiss her. “You were amazing,” he said. “Thank you.”

Sacchan nodded, surprised that he did not mock her confession. Still, she felt disappointed that he failed to return her words. Feeling a bit worse, she redirected her gaze to his hair. It was so messy and sexy, she wanted to run her fingers through it. Then, she suddenly remembered something.

She gasped. “Gin-san, last night, at the bar, I thought I saw something… someone.”

He sat up, alarmed. “Who?”

“It’s silly,” she admitted while shaking her head. “It’s also kind of impossible.”

“Who was it, Sacchan?” He demanded an answer.

“At first I thought it was you. He was smiling at me. But when the lights flashed, I saw golden hair.”

“Do you mean…”

“Gin-san, I think I saw Kin-san.”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you sure?”

“Y- You don’t believe me? Well, I could have imagined it. He disappeared quickly.” She should have expected his mistrust of her.

“No. I saw him too, when I chased after Matako before.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “So, that machine is truly back. Worse, he’s joined forces with Takasugi. This is serious. I should ask Sadaharu to bring Tama over…”

“Gin-san? What does this mean?” Fear was flowing in her veins. She was terrified of something bad happening to them. Kintoki had some dangerous manipulating powers. “But why hasn’t Kin-san used his influence over people?”

“That’s weird too. Everything they’ve done so far is too complacent. They’re up to something.” He released a frustrated sound and covered his face with his hand.

Sacchan swallowed, wondering what she should say. He looked so worried and tense. She hoped he wasn’t too upset with the situation. Surely, he would find a way to overcome it. He always did.

“Gin-san,” she began her attempts at comfort. “Don’t worry, there’s still hope of finding Tsukki. Kin-san’s probably used his powers to subdue her, that’s why she’s been kept hidden for so long.”

He didn’t respond.

“When I see Kin-san again, I won’t let him out of my sight. He’s a sure guide to her whereabouts.”

Still, he was quiet. This made Sacchan anxious. None of her efforts have reached him enough to appease his worries. She was still useless to him.

“There’s no need,” he said after a while. “We have no choice but to attack head on. There are too many knots to deal with. I’ll just cut them all with a few swings of my sword. It’s the only way to retrieve Tsukuyo.”

Sacchan nodded, feeling her heart sink with his words. First, he dismissed her offer of help and second, he had made it clear to whom his concern was directed to. She really was foolish.

It was pointless to ask for clarification, which she previously planned to do. There were no more options. A choice had been made a long time ago. When Tsukuyo returns, she would no longer be Gin-san’s girlfriend. She would be forgotten and ignored once again.

Her fear that he would choose Tsukki had become a reality now.

She stood up and invited him to take a shower but he did not follow her. He remained silent, brooding over the situation. Sacchan cried heartily in the spray of water, feeling utterly miserable. She had lost him forever.

When she was done and had made herself presentable, she stepped outside to see him still staring off into space. She told him he could take a shower now while she cooked them some food. He gave her a tight smile and said, “Thanks.”

She cooked in sorrow, trying her best not to cry. It would be too selfish to think about her own afflictions right now, especially when Gin-san was facing great troubles. She had to support him and show him that she was there for him. Overall, she resolved not to mind being used as long as he was contented.

Her phone rang and interrupted her thoughts. She saw that it was Zenzou calling.

“Hello? Zenzou?”

“Sarutobi!” His voice was hectic. “Listen to me, this is important.”

“What is it?”

“The Kiheitai are back. If we want to get to the bottom of this, we have to go.  _Now_. Gintoki’s with you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t waste any time. Tell him,  _now_. You have to. I’ll call the others. Let’s meet at the hideout.”

“Okay.”

“Sarutobi!”

“What is it?”

“I mean it. Tell him right away.”

“I will. Zenzou.”

“We’ll know if you don’t.” There was a click before the line went dead.

Sacchan frowned, feeling uneasy with Zenzou’s attitude towards her. They hadn’t spoken since the day after their investigation but since then, he’d been cold and suspicious of her. The immediate recovery of her body was certainly a strange instance to warrant his doubts. Still, she thought he knew her better than that.

Rushing to the room, she found Gin-san dressed and fresh from a shower. He was ruffling his hair when he looked up at her entrance.

“Gin-san,” she spoke with much courage despite the trepidation she had, “Zenzou called. The Kiheitai have returned and we should go-“

He didn’t wait for her to finish. His eyes widened before he grabbed his sword and boots and ran outside, slamming the door. He didn’t wait for her to go to the hideout together.

Pushing away her wounded feelings, Sacchan took off on her own towards the ramen restaurant.

When she arrived, everyone was there, talking and arguing. Katsura, Shinpachi and Otsuu were reluctant to burst in the enemy’s territory without full knowledge of their nature. On the other hand, Gin-san, as expected, Kagura and Zenzou were insistent on attacking right away. Zenzou had his arms crossed but Sacchan could feel his gaze on her.

“Gintoki,” Katsura’s voice was steady and sharp, “we shouldn’t be reckless. If we die here, then it would all have been for nothing!”

Gin-san was angry, she had never seen him this furious since the day he discovered her spying on them. “Fuck, Zura! Don’t you know how long I’ve been waiting for this chance? I don’t give a shit about any plans, I’ll race in there and make sure I succeed. If you won’t join me,  _fine_! I’ll do everything to defeat them on my own!”

“Zenzou and I will help you, Gin-chan. We’ll kick their asses once and for all. Sheer willpower and determination is all we need.”

“OI! DON’T JUMP BLINDLY INTO SOMETHING SO LARGE-SCALE! THIS IS THE KIHEITAI AND EVEN YOUR BROTHER WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! JIRAIA MIGHT ALSO BE THERE!”

“Shut up, Shinpachi. I know a coward when I see one.”

“Damn it, Gin-san! This is not about being chicken over the enemy! It’s about being prepared!”

“Shut your pie hole, Shinpachi!” Kagura pointed her weapon at him. “You don’t understand anything! You’ve never been in a relationship with a woman!”

“HUUUUH? And you have? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well… No. But I am a woman and I know what Gin-chan’s going through.”

“Keep quiet! This ain’t puberty! This is a deadly confrontation! And Gin-san’s not a woman! How could you know what he’s experiencing?”

“I don’t care! If it’s Gin-chan’s choice then I’m all for it. I’m gonna support him till the end just like he did for me.”

Zenzou coughed. “It wouldn’t help us to keep disagreeing like this. Why don’t we make a vote? We have an odd numbered group anyway. Katsura, Shinpachi and Otsuu are the ‘no’ group, that makes three.”

Everyone was silently listening to him.

“Gintoki, Kagura and I are the ‘yes’ group, also three. Sacchan,” he said, causing the others to look her way, “you’re the deciding factor here. Is it a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?”

She had to say yes, it was mandatory. Simply the way Gin-san regarded her and expected her answer made it the only choice. She would die for this mission, if it meant that she had given her life for his happiness. Would it even matter to live afterwards – when he would forget her? She didn’t bother considering it from this moment. If they found Tsukki, this would be the last time he would ever look at her.

“I choose  _yes_ ,” she said with finality, ignoring everyone else’s reactions. This was it, there was no turning back.

“All right then, I’ve still decided to go. This is a team effort, I won’t sit here while everyone commits suicide!” Shinpachi stepped forward, pushing up his glasses.

“How convenient! You’ve switched sides! Well done, Pachi!” Gintoki ruffled the boy’s hair.

“I am also willing to assist you, no matter how stupid your nonexistent plan is.”

“Ha! Welcome back, Zura!”

“I’m joining too- tsie wank!”

“NO! OTSUU-CHAN! Please, just stay here!”

“Shinpachi-kun, I can help. I’ll be pathetic if I don’t. I’ll distract them with my singing.”

“Otsuu-chan, it’s dangerous. I won’t allow you to get hurt. It’s better if you stay here. We’ll come back, and you’ll be here when we do, right?”

“I have become worthless! My music career will never forgive you-pperoonies!”

Gintoki stepped forward, “C’mon Otsuu-chan, you have an important job here. You’re gonna watch and protect our base. Plus, in case all of us are dying out there, you’ll go call the others at Edo for help, right?”

That made her smile. “All right, everyone! Don’t keep me waiting too long-oole!”

“It’s settled, then. The area is quite large so we’ll split into groups.” Zenzou started to give out instructions. “Kagura, you’ll be with Katsura.”

“Leader!”

“Zura!”

“Shinpachi, with Gintoki.”

They nodded at each other. “Let’s go, Pachi!”

“Yes, Gin-san!”

Sacchan looked at Zenzou. So, they would be pairing up for this.

“I brought Wakikaoru along, she’s currently watching the place. I’ll group with her.”

A wave of seclusion crushed her. She was going in alone? There was no doubting her death. She glanced at Gin-san but he was taking out glimmering swords from a box and handing them to Katsura and Shinpachi.

“Sacchan.” Zenzou’s voice was low. “You’ll be with Sadaharu.”

She nodded, slightly relieved that she had a companion. She walked up to it and patted its side. “Hey there,” she murmured.

Sadaharu glomped her and bit her head sharply. Blood exited her skull. She struggled with freeing herself but eventually, it let go of her. She wiped her head with her robe and looked around to see that no one even noticed what happened.

Sacchan tried to catch Gin-san’s eye but he was too preoccupied to see her. Even as they left and entered the Kiheitai’s base, he didn’t look at or speak to her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Will this story have a happy ending for Gintoki and Sacchan? Or will he decide to return to his old love? It’s hard being second choice or a convenient replacement. Things usually do not end well for those kinds of relationships. *crying* Oh, I’ve read some movie spoilers… so much FEELS. But wait, is the anime really over? *kills self* Sacchan was happy to hear him call her his gf, I guess. Tsukuyo’s appearance will launch a thousand ships. Waaah! Gin and Sacchan have so much sexual chemistry omg, but it could be the shipping goggles talking.


	15. Beauty, After All, is in the Eye of the Beholder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This story is unbetaed. Well, here it is, I guess. The much awaited chapter dealing with Tsukuyo’s return. She won’t do much yet, that’ll come in the next parts. We’re gonna see what happened to her. She’s alive!Well, you know what to expect to read here. *sighs* Thanks for your input! XP

 

He slid through the narrow opening, around thirty feet above ground, before Shinpachi did, brandishing his sword. The area was quiet, too quiet, but most of the floors in the building were illuminated. He was too impulsive to count them himself but Shinpachi had dutifully informed him that there were sixty-eight floors in total. Too damn plenty for them to explore with the time they probably had. Fortunately, the others had spread themselves out over the vicinity, conducting their own search. It was better that way. Gintoki approved of Zenzou’s strategy.

Still, he hoped that he would be the first of them to discover Tsukuyo.

They sped through the corridors as silently as they could and made it through nineteen floors without encountering anything. Rooms were unlocked and empty, though they appeared to have been occupied recently. The higher they climbed, the stronger the scent of copper filled the air. Gintoki almost went mad upon realizing that all levels looked exactly the same and there was no way to tell them apart. This was not only an impending battle, it was also a fucking mind game.

Shinpachi was behind him, observing but also prepared with his sword. Gintoki was proud of the boy. Despite his initial unwillingness to come, he was barely shaking or sweating right now. He was ready to face anything that would come their way.

However, nothing accosted them. He was becoming extremely frustrated but also nervous. This was not supposed to be another dead end. He preferred a trap.

His left boot slipped but Shinpachi held him steady. They had arrived at another border but this time, there was a divergence in the path. Both directions were hidden by the darkness. He had a sudden chill in his bones. There was something about this place.

“I guess… You’ll go left, I’ll go right, Gin-san?” Shinpachi whispered, adjusting his glasses. Zenzou warned them not to split up, but it would be a waste of time if they both checked out either way together.

Gintoki nodded, silently hoping that this single defiance would not have a dismal consequence.

He took the turn and felt his way down the hall. The blackness was a large handicap, but he only took a few more steps forward before bright lights flashed from above. He shut his eyes, temporarily blinded, and when he opened them again, he almost screamed at the sight of a crimson spider crawling on the wall next to him.

Stepping away without taking his eyes off it, he prepared to continue forward.

“GIN-SAN!” Shinpachi’s voice rang out from the other end. Gintoki snapped around to witness the same brightness over the opposite side. His companion was too far away to be seen clearly but he was thrashing about, a sure sign of distress.

He ran toward Shinpachi, finally realizing that he was suspended in midair by what seemed like invisible threads. Leaping forward, he slashed above the struggling boy but there was only a slight tug at his sword. It glided right through the material and Shinpachi remained imprisoned.

“Gin-san! What’s this?” He tugged harshly with his wrists, temporarily freeing them, but they were recaptured almost immediately. “They’re reappearing – waah!” He was thrown to the door on the left before Gintoki could grab him.

Shinpachi hit the ground and the door slammed shut.

With all his might and the sharpness of his sword, Gintoki tried to break down the door. It didn’t budge. He was relieved when Shinpachi’s voice called from behind it.

“Gin-san! The bindings are gone! I’m fine.” A pause. “Nothing’s in here. There’s no knob either.”

He looked down to see that the door had no handle on his side either. “Shit!”

“Just go, Gin-san! I’ll find a way out of here. It’s all right!”

“I won’t leave you here, Pattsuan, damn it!” He kicked the door but it held its ground. “FUCK!”

“There’s no way I’m gonna let myself be a liability.” He pounded on the door. “Go on, I can do this, Gin-san! Trust me.”

Gintoki closed his eyes. “Shinpachi! If you die here… I’m gonna kill you.”

There was a smile in his voice. “Got it, Gin-san.”

“I'll be back soon.” He gave the door one last kick – to no avail – before running back to the other end. When he reached it, there was another door just like the one Shinpachi was trapped behind.

Panting, he stepped closer to it. It was slightly open and when he entered, there was a dark green curtain before him. The room smelled of flowers… lavender and roses. He sniffed again and detected a whiff of cinnamon and eggs. There was something sweet and spicy in the fragrance, eliciting images of femininity. His heart sped up. A woman was definitely here.

With his heart pounding itself to death, he stepped through the drapes as quietly as he could. He blinked. It was dim inside but he could make out a king-sized bed to his left. Squinting, he still failed to determine what was beyond it.

A door slid open, giving light to the rest of the space. He was surprised to see the vastness of the area. It was bare though, just like the other rooms, except for the bed and a suspicious-looking Grandfather clock against the wall.

He peeked to his right and watched as a figure emerged from the glow and gently walked to the bed. He could tell it was a woman. She wore a floor-length kimono, flowery and colorful, with her shoulders exposed. Her hair reached those shoulders, loose, wavy and… fair.

Could it be?

Gintoki took a single step forward, still unable to tear his eyes away. The woman before him was Tsukuyo, he was almost a hundred percent certain. He just needed to see her face to confirm it.

She grabbed something under the pillow and pulled at it with both hands. There was an uncapping sound followed by the tinkle of material falling on the floor. She raised the object and Gintoki watched as she plunged the needle to her neck. He heard a soft moan as she pushed the contents in and then tossed the item to the ground.

She massaged her neck with a finger as her hand reached back into the pillow to obtain what appeared to be a pipe, a kiseru. She lit it, inhaled and blew out some smoke before finally turning around, revealing herself.

_Tsukuyo._

Gintoki stood frozen, feeling himself drown. He finally found her. This serendipitous moment almost killed him. But his emotions on their impending reunion were subdued because he could only concentrate on her current existence. He was enchanted.

She was ethereal, radiant even. Her nonchalance was all too familiar. The way her hair cascaded down her shoulders and the manner her eyes glowed like sapphires made her undeniably beautiful. Her lips were crystalline, puckered on to the kiseru and to the air to exhale. He longed to kiss her on those lips.

He looked down to see part of her breasts exposed. They were still as tempting and desirable as before, probably more. He let out a shaky breath, fighting for stability, but the slight sound alerted her and she glanced up, gazing right at him.

The kiseru dropped to the floor, forgotten, as she rushed to him. She only stopped a few inches away and stared back with her eyes wide and lips trembling.

Gintoki continued to regard her, fearing she might disappear if he dared to blink. Her presence encompassed him, accompanied by a myriad of indescribable sentiments running through his mind and body. He touched her face, feeling peace come over him, and he made an effort to stroke her cheek as gentle as possible lest she shatter.

Amazed at how idyllic she was, he smoothed her hair out of her face to appreciate her some more. He bent down to kiss her cheek, lingering for a moment before running his mouth over her scars.

He could hear her languid breaths and felt the slight tremble in her body. Her skin was so smooth… Gintoki hesitated and drew back, suspecting something odd.

He was right. She was different.

There were no traces of the scars of her self-inflicted wounds. He touched the places where they used to be. “Tsukuyo, what-“

“Quiet, Gintoki.” She stepped closer and looked behind him, at the curtain. It didn’t move.

He turned back to her to ask her again what happened to her marks but her eyes had turned glassy and she was biting her lip. Her arms embraced him as she sighed and drew him in for a kiss.

She kissed him as she always did, languid, pleasant and rhapsodic. Despite that, it wasn’t half-hearted at all. In fact, it was as ebullient as ever. Their kiss was the epitome of love, like they were going to coalesce with its passion. His thirst for her was inexorable.

“Tsukuyo,” he murmured, drowning in the symphony of her kiss. He gripped her waist, just to remind himself that she was still there and he was not dreaming.

She was moaning now, snaking her tongue out to lick his lips, an invitation to more. She rubbed her chest against him, making his desire sublime. Her fingers glided up and down his back rendering him almost spineless. She licked his jaw and his neck, making appreciative sounds as she did, and continued to tease him with her chest.

“Gintoki, take me to the bed.” She started to undress him and he itched to do the same but he stared in wonder when he saw that her kimono had already slid down her shoulders, exposing her breasts. The spheres were as tantalizing as ever. He bent to taste one, marveling in its succulence.

“Gintoki! The bed…” She grasped at his hair, writhing.

He lifted her and walked to the bed, laying her down tenderly. She pulled him over her and kissed him, directing his mouth to her breast.

“I missed you,” she gasped when he made contact. “I missed you so much, Gintoki… But why did you come here?”

“Tsukuyo,” he groaned, “I missed you too…”

“Please… You need to… ahhh!” Her voice was anxious.

He straightened and looked at her. “I need to what?”

“Ahhh! Gintoki, I can’t… You need to… I need you to…” Her eyes were tightly shut. She was panting and squirming on the bed. He couldn’t help but think how sexy she looked. But something was wrong with her. His doubts increased when she started to claw on his chest, screaming a volume of crescendo.

“Tsukuyo!” He grabbed her wrists to hold her in place but she kept struggling and gasping like she was going mad. “What’s happening to you?”

Her eyes opened, wide with fear. “You have to leave, now! GO! _GO_!” She pushed at him, inching away.

“WHAT? What’s going on?” He was confused but also worried. Why was she so agitated? “Tsukuyo!”

“I said _leave_!” She bit her lip, pressing her thighs together. “Ahhh!”

Gintoki moved to carry her but she continued to avoid him. “I’m not leaving without you! There’s no way! I’ve finally found you after so long. Tsukuyo!”

“Please leave…” She glanced at the curtain and back at him.

“Hey-“

She glared at him. “If you won’t leave, then _hide_. Don’t be a fool! Hide somewhere, Gintoki. Hurry!” She groaned again, acting like she was battling with torture. “Go!”

The look in her eyes made him step away and conceal himself in the darkness. It was just in time because a man soon stepped through the curtain and joined Tsukuyo on the bed. Gintoki seethed and readied his sword, but he was also curious.

“Tsukuyo,” the man said, “you’re all set, I see.”

“Yes…” She sighed and closed her eyes. Her breaths were deep and rapid. “I couldn’t wait for you,” she murmured.

He laughed. “I told you not to be rash. You’re still concluding the addiction phase.”

“I can… control it… I- I can manage…”

“Of course you can, Tsukuyo.” He removed the rest of her clothes. “But this is not something to be controlled. I’ve told you again and again, you must let go. You are in the midst of perfection.”

She sighed again. “Yes, you’re right.” She tugged him forward and he climbed atop her. Gintoki couldn’t believe his eyes when they started kissing. Tsukuyo’s hands were busy undressing the dark-haired man while her legs separated to accommodate him in between.

“You’re always right… _Sensei_.” She moaned as they started thrusting against each other in an act so raw and rebellious. “Jiraia… _help_ _me_!” She screamed as their bodies crushed together.

“I’m here… Tsukuyo…” He kissed her harshly then sat back. The loss of contact made her whimper.

“Jiraia… Sensei… _Do something_!”

He flipped her on her stomach and lifted her buttocks to meet with his pelvis. Their primal thrusting resumed with Tsukuyo exclaiming her gratitude and Jiraia growling, his head thrown back.

Gintoki felt the rage burn inside of him as his body shook, adrenaline travelling through his veins. This, whatever he was witness to, was unacceptable. It was disgusting, it was revolting and it angered him to his limit. Once again, the world would witness the wrath of the _Shiroyasha_.

How dare that spider touch her? He had no right to. Not after everything that he had done. The bastard was supposed to be dead, but like a weed that refused to depart, he remained.

So, it was Jiraia who had indeed taken her away. That fucking bastard would pay with his life. He was going to beat the shit out of the monstrosity that he was. Not only did he abduct her and induce an addiction to some drug, he also violated her. Who knows what else he did?

The mere thought of his deeds made Gintoki want to explode and commit repeated blood-spattered murder.

Driven by his fury, he proceeded to attack but was stunned by his inability to move. With great effort, he tried to lift his sword but his hand was held in place. There was no visible culprit around him but he already suspected what had happened. He had fallen prey and was trapped in the Red Spider’s web.

He screamed with frustration, willing his body to overcome the tension and just _move_. But he wouldn’t budge. “GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” His own helplessness almost destroyed him. There was nothing he could do to save her. “TSUKUYO!”

It was like he did not scream at all. They ignored him and continued in their bliss. Gintoki struggled, becoming more enraged by the second, trying to summon all his strength to break free.

“Tsukuyo, this has always been fulfilling for the both of us. Ever since you grew up as my student…” Jiraia grabbed her breasts and mashed them with his palms.

“STOP IT! JIRAIAAA! HOW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON HER!”

“No… Gintoki… I’m sorry… AHHHH!” Tsukuyo screamed, at her peak, and Gintoki shut his eyes, also wanting to break his hearing. This was not happening. “Don’t hate me, Gintoki…” she said after.

“Stop talking to him, Tsukuyo. He won’t understand.” Jiraia stood up and dressed himself. He faced Gintoki, a sinister grin on his unrecognizable face. A younger face, smooth, healthy and handsome. No wonder they couldn’t find him.

“I’LL KILL YOU!”

“Try then, Gintoki Sakata. You’re pitiful. As always, you have become my ignorant prey-“

“SHUT UP! GODDAMN YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?”

“Once again, you are caught in my threads. This time, they won’t break so easily. I have modified them, you see. Only the accurate aim of a sharp weapon, hitting it at the right angle, will be able to destroy it. In short, it’s practically _impossible_.”

“TSUKUYO!” He called out to her motionless form on the bed.

Jiraia moved to block her from his view. “Don’t bother, she only answers to _me_ , her loving teacher.”

“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF HER TEACHER! YOU’VE BETRAYED HER IN THE PAST AND MADE HER THIS WAY NOW. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?”

“Those are the words of someone so desperate. You will soon fall into hell. No one can save you, not even the gods you call upon.”

“YOU FUCKER-“

“Don’t you realize that Tsukuyo is free now? I have restored her… her womanhood is no longer tainted and restricted by the scars on her face. She no longer has the burdens of feeling inadequate and having to carry the weight of you and all those she left behind.”

“There’s your twisted outlook again,” Gintoki spat. “You think you know her? You think you know what’s best for her? Everything you’re doing is just to _control_ her. You haven’t restored her, you _violated_ her!”

“You’re the one who has violated her, not me. Loving you was a burden to her, because she always wondered, at the back of her mind, if she was good enough for you.”

Jiraia’s words stung him. He pushed away the doubt that formed in his mind. “THAT’S NOT TRUE-“

“But in reality, _you’re_ the one who never deserved to be illuminated by the moon. You are not worthy of Tsukuyo’s love.”

“YOU DON’T DESERVE HER YOURSELF! After what you’ve done, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO THINK THAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF HER!” Maybe he didn’t deserve her, but she sure as hell did not deserve to be treated like this. She was supposed to be loved, respected, protected and cared for, not treated as some possession to derive pleasure and wickedness from.

“Maybe I do. I have given her everything that she is worthy of. And that is a lot because she is most precious. Just so you know, because I don’t think you had any idea at all, here’s a little secret about her. One that she has entrusted to me only.” He crossed his arms and smirked with malicious glee. “She likes it up the ass.”

“Take your sorry ass and your filthy, revolting devices and just DIE, YOU SICK BASTARD!”

“Gintoki… Stop…” Tsukuyo wailed from the bed. She struggled to get up but only fell back down. “Stop… Jiraia, let him go. He’ll leave now. You have to leave, Gintoki…”

“I said stop talking, Tsukuyo.” Jiraia snarled. “She came to me, you know. She came to me all those years ago out of her own volition. Once she found out I was alive and discovered my plans with the Kiheitai, she argued and pleaded with me but she still ended up willing.”

Gintoki did not understand. Jiraia was surely lying through his teeth. It did not matter. She was a victim. He drugged Tsukuyo and took her on his business, corrupting her and turning her into something almost unnatural. That in itself was repulsive.

Well, he won’t stand to be Jiraia’s prey, nor would he let Tsukuyo remain in the hands of that pest. This would be a battle to the death, and it would end with Jiraia’s.

The threads tightened, some slicing through his skin. He bit down on his tongue, willing himself not to cry out it pain. He would not give Jiraia the satisfaction of seeing him struggle.

“No matter how admirable you fight, no matter where you hide, my prey, you’re death is already written and Tsukuyo, as my most exquisite creation, is _mine_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Jiraia took her, but it’s a bit more complicated than that. Tsukuyo is not evil, I just wanted to reveal this in advance. No Sacchan in this chapter. Gin doesn’t even have time to think about her. Chapter 16 soon! First love is hard, if not impossible, to compete with. Maybe in another lifetime then for Gin and Sacchan? *chokes self* And Bansai… Hmm… Yeah, there’s still him. /end long ass note.


	16. Chapter 16: The One You Love and the One Who Loves You are never the Same Person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, I’d really appreciate it. This story is unbetaed. Let’s see what’s going on with Sacchan. Events might be fast-paced. Zoom! Long chapter too. Dialogue heavy just like the last chapter. I need coffee! Btw, I noticed this cute little detail in episode 253/254 (the Kintama arc), where Gin-san was down to his boxers and the design was fuschia-background-with-yellow-stars and then a few scenes later, when Sacchan is about to jump off the roof, her clothes design is… Guess what? Fuschia-background-with-yellow-stars!!

Sadaharu disliked her. It was obvious in the way it growled at her and ran ahead, refusing to let her ride on its back. She knew it held a grudge over the time when she joked about taking its fur as her wedding dress and becoming Gin-san’s pet instead. Well, she actually kind of considered it but she  _wasn’t really_  going to do it. It was too late to explain anyway, the creature already despised her. Each time she tried to initiate conversation, it would attempt to bite her head off.

Sacchan liked to have her head attached to her body, especially since their search had only begun. It would be pitiful to die before accomplishing anything. She also clung to that small hope that she would somehow make it out alive.

But which was worse? Dying or living with the fact that she had lost her love to another? Slapping herself mentally, she reminded herself that Gin-san was never hers. The sooner she accepted that…

She bit her lip. It was no use. Death seemed like the more appealing choice.

Taking a deep breath, Sacchan broke into a run. If she kept lagging behind, she would be separated from Sadaharu. The Yorozuya pet would love it though, and it looked like he  _was_  trying to lose her.

She felt a cut in her heart. This was another reason why she seemed wrong for Gin-san. His family did not accept her. Sadaharu had this bad impression of her and had already made up its mind. Kagura and Shinpachi are nice kids who may just be putting up with her, but she felt their subtle disapproval every time she was with Gin-san. Otose-san, his mother figure, openly voiced her irritation about her prowling around constantly. His close friend, Katsura, was fairly neutral anyway.

Tsukki, on the other hand, was already part of their circle. She was good with animals, unlike Sacchan, and Sadaharu loved her. She always brought it some snacks and accompanied Kagura to take it for long walks even if it was out of her way. There was no way Tsukki would even think of shaving the skin off it and using it as her dress. Kagura and Shinpachi also seemed close to her. They spent lots of times together, drastic ones, and moments like that brought people closer when they made it out alive. They’ve been to Yoshiwara a couple of times and even defied the Shogun to defend an everlasting love.

All Sacchan did was cause them trouble with her glasses and irritate them by trespassing into their home. There was a time they came to her for help on the art of being a ninja, but she doubted that she had given them much aid then.

There was a clear winner in all of this. Sacchan wondered if it was worth it to wallow in self-pity a few hours before one might die. She just hoped the next life wouldn’t be as cruel. No, she did not want to become a dog then either.

The path was confusing, she thought, as they raced through the halls and advanced floors. Both of them were designated to the bottom grounds, those which Gin-san and Katsura had searched last time. It was dark below and Sacchan was having difficulty due to her poor eyesight. But her nose did not miss the smell of copper filling the air.

Finding more of the captured Amantos and speaking to them about their plight would be the best thing to happen right now. Hopefully, none of them would be lifeless.

But what if she was the first one to find Tsukki? What would she do? First, Tsukki had to be alive. If she wasn’t, Gin-san would certainly think that she had done something to her. Sacchan did not want to look upon the hatred in his eyes again. But what if Gin-san found her first? Her heart throbbed. Whatever was going to happen was obvious.

Her legs ached but she tried to move faster. Sadaharu was nowhere to be seen by now. She couldn’t hear its paws hitting the ground either. “Sadaharu?”

No answer. It wasn’t like she expected one. The animal had abandoned her. Well, there was no choice but to go further.

She entered a room but was disappointed to find one that matched the others. She was surprised when someone stepped right in front of her and hugged her, arms around her waist.

“Sacchan. You’re here.”

“Who-?“ She pushed away and gasped when she saw his handsome face. “Kin-san!” Sacchan leaped to the door but he held her back by her arms. “AH!”

“Don’t leave. I just want to speak to you.” He smiled gently. “I’ve been trying to but you’re always with that Gintoki.”

“Let go!” She closed her eyes and struggled, hoping it would prevent him from brainwashing her.

“Hey. Relax. I said I just want to talk.”

Peeking with one eye, she assessed his appearance. He did not look hostile and his face did have a kind grin on it. “If you think you can trick me again, you’re wrong.”

He laughed. “Sacchan, come on and sit here,” he patted the bed. “Let’s catch up with each other.”

“No.”

“Look, I know I’ve been evil in the past and there’s no reason to trust me now, but see?” He held out his arms and turned a full circle. “I’ve got nothing. It’s just me.”

“I know you have manipulating powers…”

He shook his head and chuckled. “Well, I used to. I can’t do that anymore. Now that…” He stopped and just stared blankly at her.

“Now that, what?” She was curious. What was he talking about? And he did seem harmless…

“Sit over here with me. I’ll tell you what happened. Or maybe I’ll show you.” He kept smiling and gazing at her. “It’s amazing.”

Sacchan hesitated a bit but soon followed her instinct and settled next to him.

He kissed her.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” She kicked him and readied her kunai.

“I’m sorry,” he took a few steps nearer once he recovered. “There’s something- There’s just something I can’t explain.”

“Stay back. I’ll disassemble you.”

“Then that’ll be murder,” he laughed again but without malice. “Listen, I’m not your enemy. My only opponent is Gintoki… Ultimately, I will take his place in this world. That is why I don’t want you to see me as the bad guy.”

“No one can replace Gin-san!”

“Sacchan, stop it. Look, I don’t know what’s with him but forget about that loser and focus on me first.”

“Never!”

“Sacchan, I want you. I think… I could- This feeling, it suddenly came over me and I just had to keep seeing you. I always sought your presence-“

“Enough with the lies! Enough with the deceit!”

“Look, you have to face the fact that Gintoki will get back with Tsukuyo, if she returns with him.”

“I know that…” But she was really going to slaughter him for saying that.

“But I’ll take over his life, and I promise I’ll choose  _you_. Tsukuyo… I did aspire to have her once. The longing I had was intense. It consumed me. I always clashed with  _him_  over that.  _He_  never let me near her. It frustrated me every day. She’s simply amazing… In every way possible. But recently, I’ve come to think of you…” His eyes flashed and in one swift movement, he grabbed her and tossed her to the bed, ripping her robe off. “I want you to know-“

Sacchan smashed her knee against his stomach and ran to the door when he fell over. He held her by the hair and dragged her back as she screamed and tried to land a turning kick on his face. His other hand snatched her leg before she could make contact. He threw her on the bed again but she slid to the floor and picked up a kunai, which she aimed at his hand.

Kintoki screamed when it pierced his arm. Sacchan threw another one and it landed on his shoulder. Taking advantage of his distraction, she dashed to the door but she bumped into someone’s hard chest. She looked up to see Bansai Kawakami staring back at her.

She gasped and covered herself, unable to step in either direction. She was trapped between both of them, and her weapons were scattered in the room, far from her reach.

Bansai pushed her behind him and threw something at Kintoki. It bound his body to the bed. He walked calmly toward the golden-haired man and punched him in the face, knocking him out. He then looked back at Sacchan and asked her if she was all right.

She nodded, holding her breath. She couldn’t see his eyes but she had a feeling that he was staring at her. This made her uncomfortable as she was practically naked. Her robe was on the other side of the bed, torn, and no kunai was within her reach.

“I hope he did not give you much trouble,” he said while walking to stand beside her. “Kintoki Sakata is still adjusting to his new state, you see.”

“W- What do you mean?”

“Being human, I daresay.” He shook his head. “He seems to be struggling with emotions.”

“Human?” Sacchan almost yelled in disbelief.

“The serum’s effects. He  _may_  have imbibed features of the Shiroyasha. But it is not definite. He  _is_  based on him, you see.”

“What serum?” She tried to stay calm but also took the opportunity to acquire some information.

“It has quite a number of exceptional properties. It is what we utilize for healing, you see. The one I used on you. But it can also be abused for extreme outcomes.”

“Kawakami-san, you are a member of the Kiheitai?” Sacchan shivered. It was starting to get chilly.

He did not answer immediately. “One cannot help the position they are put in. I owe our leader, Shinsuke Takasugi, I daresay. It was at his request that I joined.”

Gin-san was right, and the fact that Kawakami was here, equipped with information on Kin-san and a serum…

“Ayame-san, tell me, is Otsuu-chan here?”

“Otsuu-chan? No. She-“ Sacchan hesitated. “We left her at a safe place…”

He let out a breath. “Good. She would only die here, I daresay. I do not possess the ability to save you both if the need arises.”

“Kawakami-san…”

He stepped closer and held her gently by the arms, “Bansai. Call me Bansai.”

“Well, well, well! What’s this? A quickie in the middle of a battle? Never thought you were so adventurous, Bansai-kun.”

They turned to see Matako entering, a devious smirk on her face. Sacchan’s jaw dropped. The witch was alive? How?

“I don’t die so easily,” the blonde told her, having deciphered her thoughts. “Bansai here saved me with one  _prick_. He also helped me after.” She winked and then pointed her gun right in front of Sacchan’s face. “Time for payback. Die, bitch.”

Bansai covered the muzzle with his palm and directed it away. “Don’t be hasty, Matako.”

“I’ll never understand what you see in this tramp-“

“I was thinking... Maybe you could lend her some clothes. It’s cold.”

“OVER MY DEAD BODY-“

“She did almost kill you once, I daresay.” Sacchan grinned inwardly at that.

“Shut up, Bansai! I don’t like her! She’s our enemy! What are you going for? Some kind of Romeo and Juliet setting? You’re really-“

“Matako. Calm down and think about it. In my opinion, you two could be friends, you see.”

“WHAT THE  _FUCK_?”

“NO WAY IN  _HELL_!”

Bansai laughed softly. “You two have much in common, you see.” He didn’t expound on that thought. “Matako, have you seen Shinsuke?”

“Shinsuke-sama? No, I haven’t.” She pouted and pocketed her gun. The topic seemed to distract her from her anger. “I’ve been looking for him. I want to use the serum but I  _need_  him.” Her cheeks were red and her eyes were downcast.

“He’s been busy lately, I daresay.”

“Busy! If he has plans, he should include us. It’s only always with Kamui – I  _despise_  that alien. One of these days, I’m going to burst in that room and see what they’re up to.” Her fists were clenched and shaking.

“I’d advise you not to,” Bansai said cryptically. “You might not appreciate what you discover, I daresay.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned at him but he remained wordless. “Whatever.” She stepped out of the door.

With one last look at the unconscious Kintoki, Sacchan and Bansai followed her out.

They went along with Matako to a room, which Sacchan presumed was hers, and she was surprised when the girl flung a worn-out plain blue kimono at her. She hastily put it on, muttering a reluctant thanks. Matako gave her one glance and then crossed her arms.

“I’m leaving. I need to use it  _now_. Maybe I’ll ask Kintoki to help me.” She banged the door shut, leaving the two of them alone.

“B- Bansai-san?”

His head snapped to her, probably surprised with the name she used. “What is it?”

“I should go get my weapons… If you’ll let me.” She tried the diplomatic approach first but she was still ready to fight him. “Then, will you take me to Tsukuyo after? You do know where she is?”

He looked intently at her without saying anything.

“I  _have to_  find her... I  _have_  to save her.”

“Ayame-san, things might not turn out well for you, I daresay.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I suggest… you end your pursuit.” He moved closer to her, his large presence swallowing her up. “Stay with me. I’ll get you out of here.”

“No.” She shook her head. Why was everyone telling her to give up? It was cruel. “I can’t. I have to help rescue Tsukki-“

“He has already found her, you see. They’ve reunited now.”

“Oh. That’s good, then...” She was supposed to be happy with the news but why was her heart breaking into countless fragments? What was happening right now? Had they already escaped together? Did the others find them? “W- Where are they?”

“You shouldn’t go there. It’s dangerous, you see.”

“Dangerous? What do you mean? I have to help, then!” She grabbed his arm, pleading.

He shook his head. “Let’s get you out of this now. You don’t have to-“

“BANSAI-SAN! TAKE ME THERE  _NOW_!” She screamed with all the energy she could muster. He should stop hindering her. She had to see…

Taking her wrists in his hands, he pulled her close. She could feel his harsh breaths. “If I do this… If I bring you there… Then you are the _enemy_.” He then bound her hands with the strings he produced from his weapon.

Sacchan should have broken free but she decided to quietly let him lead her. He was the one who could bring her to them after all. She felt relief when they returned to the other room and he gathered her weapons then hid them under her clothes. She also noted that Kintoki was gone. Matako must have taken him.

He was silent as they climbed multiple flights of stairs. Sacchan leaped quickly but tried not to get ahead. After all, Bansai was the one who knew the way. The cords on her wrists were sturdy and they gave her a hard time with her balance. She almost toppled down a few times but Bansai steadied her. With great effort, she tried not to look at him. She felt his disappointment radiating from his entire being. It made her feel a bit guilty. Still, she had some loved ones to protect.

They reached the end of a hall and came across a divergence in the path. Bansai directed her to go left and they ran amidst the brightness. A red spider was crawling on the wall next to a slightly open door. She hurriedly kicked it and stepped inside, seeing a large green curtain before her. Holding back a sneeze, she turned to Bansai but was astonished when he freed her wrists. She rubbed her nose but the spice and saccharinity of the air remained.

Sacchan took a few breaths before pushing through the drapes. She was not prepared to see Gin-san and Tsukki in each other’s arms but she  _must_  see…

“GIN-SAN!” She screamed. He was bleeding everywhere. A man she had never seen before was standing before him. Sacchan moved to run to him but Bansai held her back by the waist. Gin-san’s eyes flickered to them and narrowed. He winced, breathing heavily.

Sacchan realized he couldn’t move and she struggled against Bansai, desperate to help. “What’s happening to him?” She gasped.

Bansai’s grip tensed. “He is bound by Jiraia’s web.”

“Jiraia?”

The other man turned to them. “Indeed. You must be Ayame Sarutobi? We’ve only met each other in passing a long while back.”

“Y- You’re alive!” To her, he looked unfamiliar.

“That is obvious.” He gave her a wicked smile. “But you intruders won’t be if you try to interfere.”

“Let Gin-san go!” Sacchan was alarmed by the amount of blood oozing from his body. He was silent and his face was deadpan but she knew that he was struggling inside.

“I have to refuse.”

She elbowed Bansai on the stomach and twisted out of his arms, catching him offguard. Running towards Gin-san, she took out a few kunai and aimed them at his bonds. The weapons raced like rockets and cut him free. Once untied, he sped towards Jiraia, brandishing his sword, but Bansai intercepted with his own set of strings. Jiraia calmly recaptured Gin-san, making him shout in agony with the pull of the cords.

“Gin-san!” She aimed for Jiraia this time but someone intercepted her attack. A huge force pushed her back to the wall. Grunting, she adjusted her glasses and stood up to face her assailant. “Tsukki?” She gaped at the woman in front of her. Beautiful, radiant, lithe. Sacchan watched as Tsukuyo smoked from her pipe while balancing a kunai on her other hand.

Sacchan thought she looked like a warrior princess in the striking kimono. She was even more stunning than before, but still with that admirable composure. Her hair was lengthier, tumbling down in soft waves. Her eyes shone, enthralling as ever. Sacchan remembered how she often compared her own eyes to Tsukki’s. They both had purple-tinted irises but hers always seemed lackluster in contrast to the other woman’s. Tsukki’s eyes had a more alluring shape, making her gazes fascinating while Sacchan usually agonized over the slight drooping of her eyelids. Then, there was the greatest hurdle of all, her glasses, which decreased her desirability level, putting Tsukuyo at a greater advantage.

She coughed, feeling a severe ache in her stomach. Tsukki’s strike was powerful. It made her nauseous.

“So, you’re here too, Sarutobi.” She continued to smoke on her pipe solemnly.

“Tsukki…” she whispered again, unable to believe her eyes. Her friend’s scars were gone. “Your face…”

Tsukuyo regarded her somberly. “What about my face? Still concerned about appearances after all this time?”

“I…”

“TSUKUYO!” Gin-san yelled, struggling as he continued to bleed. Sacchan could see his face cringed with effort. His eyes were fixed on Tsukki but she only winced and kept her back to him. There was a subtle shaking of her kiseru on her fingers.

“You handle the kunoichi, Tsukuyo, if you feel the need to.” Jiraia spoke. “Bansai and I shall test the limits of my prey.”

“Jiraia… You wouldn’t…!” Tsukki’s eyes had gone wide.

“I keep my promises, Tsukuyo. Return with him if you want to… but remember what I warned you about.”

“I haven’t forgotten. Sensei.”

He laughed. “After all this time, after what he’s done, you still love him, this pitiful creature.”

She was silent.

Jiraia tugged at the strings cutting deeper into Gin-san’s arms and legs. He fell on his knees.

“Jiraia! STOP!” Tsukuyo was crying, her beautiful face bathed in tears. “I said that’s enough!”

“The loss of your scars may be the stepping stone.” He dragged Gin-san to his feet. “But I have to deem him worthy.”

“Then let him fight without those bonds!”

“Focus on your own battle, Tsukuyo. This is my method.”

Gin-san chuckled bitterly. “You and your sick games. Still at it? Don’t be so complacent. You’re easy to beat.”

“Confident words, Shiroyasha… But your tune is weakening, I daresay.”

“I’ve had it with both of you and your goddamn strings surrounding my body.” He growled and swung around with great effort, hauling Bansai and Jiraia to the left. “But as usual, you dimwits are easy to fool.”

Sacchan gasped in awe, Gin-san had overcome his restraints. She pitched the last of her weapons in his direction, once again successfully liberating him. He swung his sword, engaged in combat with the other men.

“Impressive.” Jiraia said with wonder. “An accurate aim, as expected from a former member of the Oniwabanshuu.” He jumped behind Gin-san, slashing his back and creating a large wound while Bansai attacked from the front.

Sacchan straightened to rush to and help Gin-san but Tsukuyo stopped her. “Don’t. Sarutobi!” There were still tears streaming down her face. She was magnificent and miserable at the same time.

“Tsukki!” She pushed her away. “Gin-san’s-“

But Tsukuyo pulled her roughly by the arms. She still kept her head turned from the ongoing battle.

“Gin-san!” Sacchan screamed and wrestled, determined to help. Why was Tsukki preventing her from going to him? She even attacked her. Was she an enemy now? Maybe somehow she knew what had transpired between her and Gin-san. It made her feel uncomfortable. But why wasn’t Tsukki helping him either?

“Indeed, you are desperate to save your love.” Jiraia spoke to her. “Why do you feel the need to fight for someone who does not return your affections? You are the same as him - pitiful. I’m pleased that Tsukuyo did not turn out to be like you.”

“Stop babbling nonsense, you bastard.” Gin-san kicked at him but Jiraia evaded in time. Bansai had stopped moving and was quietly watching the other two battle.

“The true bastard is you. Using a woman’s feeling’s for you to meet your ends. Putting the blame on her just because you felt like it. And now that you’ve gotten what you wanted… You discard her as if nothing happened.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Don’t play innocent.” Jiraia threw two weapons, one on each side. Sacchan knew those had strings with them. “You and that Sarutobi woman. We’ve been spying on you too, our enemies. Right, Bansai?”

Bansai did not respond.

Tsukuyo gasped and tensed. “You… You and him…”

“No need to be troubled, Tsukuyo,” Jiraia said as his kunai clashed with Gin-san’s sword. “She has impressive skills in fighting, even if her eyesight is unfortunate. Go back with him, as promised. We’ll have a trade instead. The Oniwaban is ours. That will be grand, won’t it, Bansai?”

Sacchan did not hear his response because Tsukuyo had flung her backward and was approaching her with a few kunai, ready to be thrown. She evaded and caught one of them to use as her defense.

“You’ve been with him?” Tsukuyo whispered harshly. “You… and Gintoki…” She prepared to attack again.

“Tsukki! Wait…”

Tsukuyo had become angrier when she did not deny it. “You’re really a bitch who doesn’t know when to give up!” She plunged forward.

Sacchan blocked her swings, wondering if she should retaliate. She had spotted several openings but had hesitated due to the fact that it was _Tsukki_. Tsukuyo, her friend… and Gin-san’s love. She did not want him to think that she was going to harm her.

“Pushy and desperate… That’s what you always were. You haven’t changed at all.”

Sacchan was becoming furious herself, hearing those words. She wanted to scream and bitch back but she was all too aware of Gin-san’s proximity to them. It was obvious whose side he would take. She did not want to draw his attention to her and increase his dislike.

“Tsukuyo! Stop! Sacchan- OOF!“

“You’ve always been waiting for me to disappear, haven’t you? And you finally got your chance. You opportunistic nag.”

“Tsukki, it wasn’t like that!” Sacchan was troubled. She had never seen Tsukuyo so aggressive.

“Now I wonder if you’ve gotten him to like you at all. They’re right, you’re just a pathetic stalker.”

Enraged, Sacchan screamed and returned her attacks. It was too much. Her words hit a nerve. This wasn’t Tsukuyo, it couldn’t possibly be. She was mean and vengeful, not even bothering to listen. She did not know the entire story and was acting out of anger… but maybe she was also at fault.

“How could you?” She raged. “You left him! And all this time you… you’ve been with the Kiheitai and Jiraia! Do you even know how worried everyone was? How Gin-san almost lost his mind?”

“Don’t you dare talk like you know him, missy! You probably backed him up against a wall and deceived him to go for you.”

“Shut your trap, you floozy! I love him! And I did what I could to be there for him. You left him broken, bitch! Did you even care?”

“YOU DON’T KNOW  _ANYTHING_ , SARUTOBI!” Tsukuyo cut forward and Sacchan, attempting to block, was impaled by the palm. Her hand hit the wall with the kunai. She felt the bones break and looked to see that the skin had ripped, bleeding and exposing the insides. She screamed, horrified at the damage and feeling the pain mixed with a disturbing shot of electricity that remained constant.

“You’ll pay for that, Tsukky,” she murmured to herself. Wrapping her hand in her robe, she pushed forward, intending to strike but Gin-san’s voice alerted her.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SACCHAN?”

She looked to see that he was still exchanging blows with Jiraia and Bansai, but he was able to elude their bindings. This was the first time he’d addressed her since they left her home. He was furious, she thought, furious that she dared to attack Tsukki. But he had to understand, she was under duress. She needed to protect herself too. Unless…

Unless he did not care about what happened to her.

“Gin-san, I only-“

Tsukuyo kicked her to the side and Sacchan grabbed the other woman’s leg to prevent her from repeating the action. But Tsukki had slammed her head on the wall. Her vision blurred and a high-pitched sound filled her ears.

“IF SOMETHING HAPPENS… TSUKUYO!... KILL YOU…! I WON’T FORGIVE YOU…! LISTEN TO ME…! DAMN IT!” His words rang in her ears and she understood him enough. What he wanted… It broke her heart. She nodded, miserably letting herself get hit again and again. Tsukuyo was also berating her but she did not register the meaning of her words. She was in anguish, both physically and emotionally. She cried, feeling a sudden pain in her leg. It was broken, it had to be.

It was already too much.

With some struggle, she managed to trip Tsukuyo with her other leg and she crawled away as fast as she was able to. She could hear Gin-san calling her but the ringing in her ears was unbearable. She looked at anywhere but him, terrified of the hatred she expected to see in his face. “I’m sorry, Gin-san,” she said quietly.

But she was itching to fight back, to stand-up against Tsukki. She resented her, the woman who had everything but threw it away for unknown reasons. The lucky one who had Gin-san’s love. Now, she was here, but she had sided with the enemy, letting him suffer. She wanted to convert all her frustration and hurt into actions. The anger was indescribable.

Still, Gin-san mattered to her more. She was torn between doing what she wanted and making him happy… probably at the cost of her life. He wanted to protect Tsukuyo but that meant Sacchan had to sacrifice her own feelings and her position. It hurt and upset her to realize that. There was no balm for the ache she bore.

Edging further in search for a possible weapon, Sacchan mulled over the situation. What must she do? She had lost all optimism. Her death just might be drawing closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Modified a lot of things for this chapter. The fictional Jiraiya is a master of shapeshifting, so I made Jiraia change his appearance from before. Anyway, comrades should appear soon! Let’s hope to see that Sacchan chooses to live. I feel embarrassed cos I had no idea what NTR was and I had to look it up. LOL. Now that I know, it seems like a really bad / cliché plot device thing. Gin prefers Tsukki, eh? Poor Sacchan. Jiraia disappeared/died too quickly and has been forgotten. While reading his Gintama wiki page a while back, I was intrigued by the line that said his fate remains unknown. Hmm…! Now I wonder if I made Gin too miserable. Naaah, Sacchan still has the worst position.


	17. A Lot of Ongoing Rivalries is Extremely Confusing to the Observer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, precious readers! This story is unbetaed. I AM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE. Exam is over, nine straight hours all in one day last week… but… I still need to read 3 books on anatomy and surgery. For the future. Then, there’s work. Haha fun fun. Ugh. I thought this would be a short chapter though. But I ended up having a lot of scenes to write! Am working on the next one, alternately with memorizing shit that will get me through life haha! Much love to you all! =)

His vision wavered.

It was too early for that to happen. Gintoki let out a frustrated cry as he spun around to face Kawakami just as he was about to strangle his neck. He kicked at the other man but his wrist was caught by the damn strings. He pulled at them, dragging his opponent and pitched him to the wall. He then looked to Jiraia and was surprised to see that he was only watching them with his arms crossed. A subtle grin was on his lips.

“You bastard!” Gintoki bellowed as he rushed forward, ready to swing his sword on Jiraia’s head. But the Red Spider swung upward, lifted by almost invisible strings. He took out a large kunai and tumbled down, aiming at him.

Gintoki was ready for the attack. He slid back and received the blow with his sword. Still, his knees buckled slightly. He was getting weaker, he knew. He had lost too much blood already. It didn’t matter, he still had the will to fight. The battle had just begun.

He blinked, trying to keep other thoughts out of his mind, but failed. He was extremely distracted too, with Tsukuyo and Sacchan in a dispute not far from where he was. They shouldn’t even be fighting. They were on the same side, damn it. He wanted to keep an eye on them but it was difficult enough having to deal with two men who both wielded cursed weapons of strings.

Tsukuyo had attacked when she realized that he and Sacchan were  _together_. He knew that somehow she would be angry when she found out but he did not expect that she would be this furious. She was extremely aggressive and unstoppable. He had called out to her to stop but Kawakami struck him and it was impossible to determine what happened after.

The next time he was able to glance at them was when he heard Sacchan scream as she hit the wall. He expected her to retaliate but she remained on the ground, staring before her. She was still wearing her glasses but she kept still as she clutched her hand. She was possibly in a state of bewilderment. He had to snap her back to her senses. She was going to get pummeled if she did not move away.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SACCHAN?”

Tsukuyo appeared to be in good condition, but it was still a state of offense. She had to be calmed and stopped. He rushed forward to seize her but Kawakami trapped his leg in a painful grip. He was dragged down and backwards.

Another pulse of faintness hit him but he shook his head and allowed himself to be towed before aiming a kick to Kawakami’s chest. The man caught his leg and swung him to the side then they found themselves in close combat, rolling on the floor with kicks and punches. Gintoki felt a sudden stab on his shoulder and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a kunai, most likely thrown by Jiraia. Another was going for his neck but he used Kawakami as a shield. The weapon hit the other man’s back. In that moment of weakness, Gintoki shoved Kawakami away, grabbed his sword, and landed a blow on the surprised Jiraia’s gut.

He faced the girls and saw Sacchan on the floor. Kawakami and Jiraia had recovered easily. As he prepared to fight them again, he called out to Tsukuyo and Sacchan. “ _IF SOMETHING HAPPENS_  TO EITHER OF YOU, YOU COULD DIE!”

Tsukuyo slashed forward with her kunai. “ _TSUKUYO!_  STOP! SACCHAN, GET UP! DOING NOTHING COULD  _KILL YOU!_ ”

He was too focused on them to see Jiraia’s attack on time. The web enclosed him from the front and rear. His sword clattered to the floor. He felt Kawakami stand behind him, pointing a weapon on that spot over his heart. But Gintoki’s eyes trailed to Tsukuyo and Sacchan and then back to Jiraia. “ _I WON’T FORGIVE YOU IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO EITHER OF THEM!”_

Jiraia stepped closer, so that Gintoki could see his new face upfront. “Nothing will happen to Tsukuyo… Do not be troubled, Gintoki Sakata.”

Sacchan was leaning against the wall, her glasses askew and her face was bleeding. She barely moved, only lifting her arms to cover her face while Tsukuyo raged and hit her. Gintoki realized it must be the injection that Tsukuyo used earlier. It caused her to be that way. She had no reason to be acting cruelly on her own. Worse, Sacchan was at the receiving end of it. “ _LISTEN TO ME_ , SACCHAN!” He screamed. “Tsukuyo’s somehow confounded. So… GET UP! MOVE AWAY! DO SOMETHING,  _DAMN IT_!”

She did not look at him. She only cried out when Tsukuyo stomped on her leg. But he was relieved when she reached out her limb to trip the other woman and then crawled away. At least neither of them was on the verge of dying. For now.

“Ayame…” Kawakami’s voice alerted him and he saw the man try to rush to her side. His weapon was no longer aimed at Gintoki’s back.

But Jiraia was uncompromising. “Do not dare, Bansai. Do not try attempt to save that woman. Let Tsukuyo handle her. I have warned you.”

“She has received enough damage, I daresay. There is no need to go further-“

Jiraia sneered. “Tsukuyo will decide. Do not interfere.”

“I say let her go.” Kawakami’s voice was harsher, deeper.

“You.” Jiraia grabbed a kunai and pointed it at Kawakami. “You are in no position to have an opinion on this matter. Takasugi and I had an arrangement and it does not include this. Challenge me again and you shall be another of my prey-“

A sudden ripping sound interrupted him and two perpendicular slash marks appeared on his chest. They bled but Jiraia was barely wounded.

“I’d rather you refrain from threatening my companions, Jiraia.” A deep, familiar voice echoed in the room. “Those wounds I inflicted upon you will serve as a warning.” Then there was a swishing sound followed by light tapping on the ground behind Gintoki. “We had a bargain and limits were stated.”

“Shinsuke Takasugi. How considerate of you to grace us with your presence. Your assistance, though welcome, is not needed.”

Gintoki dared not to breathe. He knew Takasugi and he was primed to fight his old comrade but he has become unpredictable. He moved his arms and legs, noting that they barely budged a few centimeters. The web had him trapped and that was another setback.

“Fool. I did not come to offer you my support.” Takasugi’s voice was edging closer. “I am here to bid farewell to an old… friend. He is, after all, about to meet his doom.”

Gintoki bit back a retort. He still needed more time to escape from the snare.

“This man is merely being tested.” Jiraia said ambiguously.

“If you refuse to take his life,” Takasugi’s sword crept to Gintoki’s neck, “then I-“

Gintoki felt the blade slip from his skin and heard it clank on the ground. He fell forward, realizing that the mesh around him was gone. He looked to Sacchan. Had she freed him once again? But she was still crouched on the ground, breathing heavily. Tsukuyo was meters away from her, also trying to catch her breath.

“Gin-chan!” Kagura rushed to his side and grabbed his arm. “You look awful! You’re bleeding everywhere!”

“No shit,” he murmured. “Kagura, you’re here. That means…”

“It’s Katsura. I’m telling you before you start calling me names.” His comrade stood and stepped away from the place where Takasugi was moments ago. “Shinsuke is swift as ever, but I have wounded him.”

“Where is he?” Gintoki glanced around but the room was too dark. He grabbed his sword and surveyed the area. Takasugi and Kawakami were out of sight but Jiraia had gone to Tsukuyo. He was speaking to her and Tsukuyo looked up at him, her hand on his arm. A flicker of rage emerged in his chest that made him charge forward.

“Gin-chan!” Kagura screamed as she kicked once and then spun to kick another time at Kawakami who tried to attack him. Katsura was at his other side, clashing swords with Takasugi who was bleeding from his arm.

“Go home and suck on your Yakult bottle, Shinsuke!” Katsura jeered.

“That is a wonderful idea… and yet, I have some business to attend here.”

Katsura laughed. “What business could you possibly have with Tsukuyo-san?” He paused. “OI! DON’T TELL ME YOU… Or did you? Gintoki! Could it be? Is it true?”

“What is?” Gintoki wondered the same time Takasugi snapped, “Of course not!”

“Gintoki,” Katsura continued. “It is strange though possible. I remember that time, years ago, at a pleasure quarter, where you and Shinsuke picked the same girl and then she-“

“Shut up, Zura! And it’s not like that.”

“It isn’t?”

“What happened at the pleasure quarter, Gin-chan? What did the girl do?”

“Nothing!” Gintoki snapped at them. “Shinsuke had some kind of deal with Jiraia. They appear to have joined forces. There is something going on here, I am not yet sure what it is. But I have an idea.”

“Do you now, Gintoki?” Takasugi’s exposed eye shown with malice and he stood before them, unyielding, even in his shorter stature, daring them to make a presumption. Kawakami was behind him but his head was turned slightly to the side. Gintoki’s eyes narrowed, knowing whom Kawakami was preoccupied with.

“Some sick drug you’ve been injecting into people, making them transform. I bet Jiraia used it to alter his appearance.” He could feel his fists tremble with anger. “Even Tsukuyo… It erased her scars but WHAT ELSE HAS IT DONE TO HER?” He recalled the inane look in her eyes, her unrestrained nature, the way she welcome him  _and Jiraia_  to her bed, and how she was with that filthy spider. He remembered how she stood with her back to him as he fought with Jiraia and how she let her anger take hold of her, making her attack Sacchan ruthlessly.

“It freed her.” Takasugi said simply. “Don’t be furious, she will return with you…  _If_  you make it out of here alive.”

“You’re the one who has to be shitting in his pants,” Kagura countered. “You’ll have to fight Gin-chan, Zura  _and_  me. Let’s see if you can keep up.”

“It’s all right, little sister. I’m here to help Shinsuke and Bansai.” Kamui stepped from the shadows, eyes closed with a grin, umbrella resting on his shoulder and his long braid swinging behind him. He was now about Gintoki’s height, maybe even taller, and was more muscular. “I heard that you’ve been up to no good.”

Kagura’s eyes were wide but she maintained her composure. She gripped her own umbrella tight. “Nii-chan…”

“Yato against Yato, samurai versus samurai. That would be best, right Shinsuke?” Kamui swerved his weapon forward, eyes glued to Kagura. “Let’s see if you are still the weakling that you are, little sister.” He then jumped to her and kicked her in the stomach, making her hit the wall with such a strong force that she dented it.

“KAGURA!” Gintoki screamed. He slashed his Lake Toya weapon at Kamui, with almost a sure blow but Takasugi diverted his aim and he found himself flying backward, hitting the wall next to Kagura. Kamui’s foot had made contact with his middle again. He coughed, and blood spurted out, an unwelcome addition to the loss he had been suffering. He hardly registered Katsura calling out to him. Had he blacked out?

“Gin-san!… Please, say something!”

He opened his eyes. The process was slow, achingly time-consuming. His lids were heavy and his sight was cloudy. He coughed yet again and felt a hand wipe at his mouth with his yukata. Then those fingers ran through his hair, murmurs accompanying it. Drops settled on his face. Were they blood? But they rolled too smoothly to be it and felt too warm to be sweat. Tears, then?

Squinting, he focused on the figure. It was Sacchan, a reassuring presence next to him. She looked a little worse herself, with her hair all over the place and her face bathed in blood. Her glasses were misty and he couldn’t see her eyes but he was sure she was crying. He reached out for the hand that stroked his hair but she wailed when he grasped her fingers. They were mangled and wet with blood. She used her better hand to break his grip and then started to slide away. Then he noticed her leg.

The sharp end of a broken bone was sticking out.

Gintoki opened his mouth to speak but no sound emerged. He wondered if it was because his body wouldn’t allow him or was it that he had nothing to say.

“Stay away from Gintoki.” Tsukuyo stepped between them and slashed at Sacchan with weapons in both hands. “Get your smutty talons off him.” She elbowed her to a distance and then turned to him. She hugged him, her face close to his, and wiped at his cheek before kissing him there. Her lovely purple eyes were sparkling with tears but held promised hope. “I’m here, Gintoki…”

He felt her hold something against his neck, pushing it through his skin. He knew that there was supposed to be pain but it was nothing compared to the numbness his entire body felt. It was the drug, the one she used on herself and the one which altered her. She was giving it to him! “No…” He gasped, a feeble sound from his lips. He wrenched the plunger from his neck but it was already empty. “Tsukuyo! What-“

And then she brought her lips to his, drawing him in to a kiss so well-remembered. “I can’t lose you again, Gintoki,” she whispered against his mouth. He could taste the saltiness of her tears and felt the sweetness of her lips. “You’re all right. You’re all right.” She kept repeating the words.

Gintoki was still, astonished at the events. He did not feel any different nor did he sense a range of emotions building up inside of him. But just as he was about to sit up, an intense rumbling current hit his back and then his legs and arms were burning. He felt like vomiting his insides but a force was also keeping his breath within. Was it pain or merely discomfort? He couldn’t explain the sensations running over his entire body. His mind wanted to fight but his form had its own direction. All he could think of was to bite down on his tongue and end the madness.

Then, as soon as it began, it was already fading. His eyelids flickered and everything was clear before him. His mind and body were refreshed, the tenderness of his earlier injuries forgotten. Tsukuyo helped him up and he could see her face full of happiness and relief. She moved into his arms and they kissed, choosing a touch before any more words. Their surroundings lay forgotten. But she was ripped away from him too soon.

“What have you done, Tsukuyo?” Jiraia had her trapped in his web, much like before.

“Jiraia! This is enough. You don’t have to fight Gintoki.” She struggled in the trap, appearing like a hostage princess for the taking.

“I’m coming for you, Tsukuyo.” Gintoki promised. “Just let me get rid of this pest before me.”

“As always, Gintoki… You fail to understand what is in front of you.”

“Because whatever you are is illogical. There is no way to grasp your philosophy.” He brandished his weapon. “Therefore, I’ll end this now, before you mess up Tsukuyo even more.”

Jiraia shook his head. “There is nothing wrong with her. You are the confused one. Why do you refuse to understand what she wants? This is not a game. This is not a useless battle. If you truly love her, then you will see to her wishes. It is up to you if you shall return with her.”

Gintoki narrowed his eyes. Jiraia’s words were as cryptic since he arrived. He glanced at Tsukuyo but her bangs hid her gaze. She had her head tilted down and was biting her lip. She had stopped struggling.

A shift in the background caught his eye. Kawakami had propped Sacchan against the wall. He could see her taking shallow breaths while the man tended to the damage on her leg. He appeared to be wrapping a piece of cloth around it. Gintoki gritted his teeth as Kawakami bent closer to her and uncapped a syringe, positioning it at her throat…

Like an arrow aimed at a target, a kunai knocked it away and it shattered on the ground. Jiraia had followed his gaze and interfered. “Once again Bansai, you have defied me. At a critical point too… Are you forgetting that it is not the first time you will be using that on her?”

Kawakami stayed crouched in place. “I am aware, you see.”

“Then, have you lost your senses? Why even attempt it?” He brought out another weapon, aiming it at them.

“She is severely hurt.” Kawakami spoke low but clear. He held Sacchan’s hand gently and proceeded to wrap it in cloth as he did with her leg.

With a chuckle, Jiraia retracted his arm, ready to throw. “She’ll live… but not for long.”

“NO!” Gintoki leaped forward with rage and slammed his sword on Jiraia’s arm. It bent backwards, cracking, and he let go of the kunai. He turned and they resumed their earlier fight, their attacks and shouts echoing all over the place. Gintoki knew he had the upper hand. He felt rested, with renewed strength and vigor. The drug had certainly helped him in that aspect. Jiraia was putting up a good fight but there was no way he would last, especially with his injury.

He even had time to glance at and check the others. He was relieved to see that Kagura was still standing her ground against her brother. She had not turned to Yato-mode, thankfully. Both of them had caused quite a damage to the area. But he was worried when Kamui had taken hold of both their weapons and she had to exert more effort defending herself than attacking.

Zura and Shinsuke were having a sword fight, very similar to the old days. Only before, it was for practice to be used against the Amanto. Now… they were aiming for each other’s throats. They both looked serious and out for blood. He could hear them mentioning Shouyou-sensei, an important person part of their painful past. It was inevitable that he would be brought in to this.

Gintoki smashed the hilt of his sword against Jiraia’s forehead. He fell back but used his strings as a cushion and kept his distance. Jiraia used the gap as an advantage, sending out numerous kunai at Gintoki, leaving him to defend with little means of attack. He grabbed and tugged on a few threads of the web but they did not move to his will. Jiraia had done skillful work in modifying them.

He rolled away from the trajectory of the weapons and was surprised to hear a loud thump ahead. It was soon followed by an angry yell. Trying to make out the stir, he found two swift-moving figures surrounding Jiraia’s fallen body. “Hattori?” And was that other one the woman from the Shinobi Five? He couldn’t quite remember her name.

“Yes, Yorozuya. Apologies for the delay. We spent much time surveying the area. There are more than a handful of dead Amanto hidden at some of the floors.”

The woman stepped forward, her lip curling. “It was disgusting and I don’t know if it was the sight or the stench of it.” She looked around and gasped, pointing. “Zenzou! Is that… Sarutobi?” Gintoki turned to look, remembering. His heart beat swiftly.

“Indeed. And the pretty girl Tsukuyo in the web. I vaguely recall such a scenario in the past…” He laid his hand on Gintoki’s shoulder. “Leave Jiraia to us. His appearance has changed but his technique proves familiar.”

Gintoki ran to Tsukuyo, slashing at the web just like before, but the strings did not falter. “Gintoki!” She called out to him. “It’s tough to cut these.”

He rushed to her front, holding her at the waist, caressing her flat stomach with his thumbs. “Don’t worry… I’ll find a way. Hold on, Tsukuyo.” She nodded at him then he lingered a bit before stepping away and heading to Sacchan. He thought of her freeing him from Jiraia’s strings earlier. If she could somehow destroy the web that Tsukuyo was stuck on… and maybe Tsukuyo had more of the drug to heal Sacchan… “Sacc-“

“Keep your distance, Shiroyasha.” It was Kawakami.

“Get out of my way,” he growled. “Get the hell out of my way!”

“I refuse, you see.” Kawakami held out his sword. “You cannot come closer. You have done enough, I daresay.”

“Are you an idiot? She’s in bad condition!”

“I am aware of that. There is no need for you to do anything. You have nothing good to offer her, I daresay. Go and save your precious love-“

“You bastard!” He laughed. “You actually think you can do anything for her? With that shit in the needle? Where’s your damn drug now? You even failed to save her with it.”

“I have more, you see.” Kawakami murmured. “She’ll be safe with me.”

“Then where is it?” He demanded but Kawakami did not seem to have one at hand. “Just shut up already. Can a villain like you have the heart to even take care of her?”

“I may be a villain but she is important to me, you see. I do not seek to hurt her or use her the way you did-“

“FUCK OFF! I did not-“

“You dare to deny it? You do not deserve her or her love, I daresay.” Kawakami stepped forward, sword at the ready. “I saw how you treated her, you see. You never appreciated her. She is remarkable and special but you only see her as something disposable.” He attacked before Gintoki could refute his claims. They were absorbed in a battle so passionate and unforgiving, it was terrifying even to him. Kawakami never knew the truth. He had misconceived everything, but could he be blamed? Even so, Gintoki hated the man for judging his situation and trying to worm his way in. He wanted him gone, unable to meddle, and far, far away from Sacchan.

The thought of Kawakami holding her, offering her his protection and company… Even the idea of her accepting or succumbing to him… It scorched every fiber of his being. He will not allow it.

They sprang at each other and hacked their swords with movements larger than ever. They fought in every corner, every space, making use of the vastness of the area as leverage. Gintoki felt vibrant, energy pumping through his veins more potent than any adrenaline he had used before. He would not lose this battle.

He flipped in reverse and found himself back to back with Katsura.

“Welcome back, Gintoki-kun.”

“Zura, my friend, we’ll see this to the end.” He was panting but he knew he had this most magnificent grin on his face. “These bastards have nothing on us.”

“We’re in the middle of a critical situation but there is something more important that I have to express.”

“What is it?”

Katsura took a deep breath, and held his sword parallel to his body. “It’s not Zura.” He pushed against Gintoki and met Takasugi blade to blade once more. “It’s KATSURAAAAA!” He screamed as he fought, his hair following his proficient strikes.

Gintoki smirked and as he fought Kawakami, he yelled with all his might. It was a mixture of anger, frustration, desperation, conviction and determination.

He hit Kawakami’s face, knocking the visors out of his eyes, but the room was still too dark for him to see them. A body was thrown against his and they were knocked on the wall.

“Gin-chan! Sorry! Nii-chan can be too violent.”

“Kagura, watch out!” He rolled them away just as Kamui aimed a deadly kick at them. He was licking the blood on his forearms.

“I’m so fucking hungry with all this fighting,” he grumbled. “Just die already, weaklings!” He laughed and continued to eat at the blood while staring at them malevolently. Then he just collapsed but not before Gintoki saw the tip of a blade emerge from his chest.

Shinpachi was revealed when he fell, almost out of breath.

“SHINPACHI!” Gintoki exclaimed with triumph as he got up. Kagura followed suit. “You escaped! Well done, Pachi!” He clapped the boy on the back.

“Nii-chan?” Kagura was kneeling beside her brother who was pounding on the floor and trying to pull out the sword on his chest. He slapped her and she landed a few meters away. Gintoki punched him on the head.

“KAMUI!” Takasugi appeared before them. He slashed his sword at Gintoki and Shinpachi but they leaped away before they took damage. He held Kamui in his arms, dragging him away but Kamui stopped him.

“I’ll manage, Takasugi.” They stared at each other for a few seconds. “ _Finish them._ ” He took one last look at Kagura and then fled the area.

“BANSAI!” Takasugi screamed, the loudest Gintoki had ever heard him. When Kawakami stepped beside him his shades back in place, Takasugi grabbed him by the collar. “Make sure Kamui finds the stash on time. But  _do not stay with him after_. I’ll take care of that.”

“I’ll take Ayame-“

“LEAVE HER! That’s an order!” Takasugi’s grip tightened. “Aid Kamui. Do not disobey me, Bansai.” He pushed him to the exit. Kawakami took a deep breath and left, leaving Takasugi as their only comrade left to fight.

Shinsuke turned to Gintoki in a primed stance. “The destruction of  _your_  world… commences at this precise moment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is confusing, hence, the title, lollerskates! I suddenly remembered reading a fan’s comment somewhere saying that Sacchan never gets much love/respect, in the anime/manga/fandom. It’s sad. JSYK, I am a sucker for love triangles. Especially GirlBoyGirl ones, and there aren’t much of those. Anyway, I love seeing Bansai fans hehehe.


	18. There's a Weird Pleasure in Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, precious readers! This story is unbetaed. The title says it all. Masochism! Oh this part is truly waah. *speechless* ARIGATOU! =D

Sacchan emerged from a dream where she was drowning in a deep red sea. She heard herself gasp for air as she opened her eyes. She had lost consciousness but she was still alive.

With enormous effort, she reached up to fix her glasses, glad that it was mildly in place. She did not want to continue on blindly. She winced as she propped herself with her other arm. How quick of her to forget that hand was ruined. She stared at it and touched the cloth that covered part of it, revealing the state of her fingers. She sobbed. Her hand was dying. Only her thumb and index finger moved. There was at least some sensation there. But the rest were either numb or paralyzed. She couldn't even recognize the other parts anymore.

Then, there was her leg. She knew that her bones were jutting out of it. When she looked, it was also wrapped in fabric. She bent to touch it. It was soaked. That explained her faintness. She was leaking out a lot of blood. The ringing in her ears decreased but there was still a low hum that remained.

Sacchan studied her environment. She could see Gin-san and Shinpachi a few meters away. They were still fighting, or rather, Gin-san was clashing with another man while Shinpachi looked alert behind him. Gin-san was yelling, the words she couldn't make out completely, but he might have been giving out instructions to glasses.

She sighed in relief. He looked well; much better than he did earlier. She could not bear seeing him that way – unresponsive and weak from all the bleeding. Gin-san had recovered now, his injuries were very little, it seemed. But how?

Kagura and Katsura joined them, four against one, but their opponent managed well enough. Then Zenzou and Kaoru Waki also arrived to help. She wondered if any of them knew she was here. It was dark and she was at a corner, barely seen.

Zenzou and Kaoru left, followed by Kagura. The man with the bandaged eye hurriedly raced to them but Katsura blocked his path. They continued their fight, Gin-san and Katsura against the man. Several times, he tried to attack Shinpachi while raging at him but he was defended well.

Then, Shinpachi moved away and her gaze followed him. He stopped in front of a hanging figure. She heard him whisper, "Tsukuyo-san! It's been quite a long time. Let's get you out of there."

"Shinpachi… This web… it's different." Tsukuyo warned him. Still, Shinpachi slashed at it with his sword to no avail.

"What's going on, Tsukuyo-san?"

"It takes a different kind of aim to destroy this."

Bracing herself, Sacchan stood up while using the wall for support. Her entire leg was a mass of pain. But she endured it. Pain was abstract to her, she believed. She had survived worse things. Slowly, she edged toward them. "Shinpachi…"

"Sacchan-san! What happened to you? Hold on!" He offered her his shoulders in support and guided her to Tsukuyo. "You should sit down. Let me see your injuries."

"No, it's all right. Let's get Tsukki down." She was aware of Tsukuyo's wide angry eyes directed at her. But she was going to explain. "Tsukki, please!"

"I don't need  _your_  help, Sarutobi!"

"Gin-san… He… He still loves you." The words drained her of life but they needed to be spoken. "He came all this way to find you. And you're right, I wanted him. All this time, I wished to have him so badly. But he only sees  _you_."

"Sacchan-san…"

"I w-was wrong… For even trying to be with him. But you have to understand. I couldn't help it. I love him too. He needed someone. I just…" The tears broke through her resistance. "Please, Tsukki… I'll stay away from him. I'll stay here and you… You'll go back with him, won't you? Don't leave him like that again-"

"How dare you! It was still wrong!" Tsukuyo spat at her. "I thought we were friends but you were always plotting behind my back, weren't you? I can't bear to hear your insincere apologies or explanations."

"It's true. I would have done anything to have him. I was desperate! I really, really liked him… But…" She hesitated. It was a risk to reveal what happened then. "But when I saw you two together… A-at the Yorozuya place that time… Years ago…"

"What?"

She gulped. "W- When you two got together a-and-"

"Damn you, Sarutobi! What kind of a mix of perverted and stalker are you? There is really something wrong with your head!"

"It was an accident, Tsukki! I was there as always and then the two of you came in and-"

"But you didn't even try to  _leave_?"

"I… I…"

"I thought so."

There was silence.

"Um… Did whatever I am thinking happened actually happen?" Shinpachi asked feebly.

Sacchan sniffed. "Yes. I'm dreadful." She bent down to gather a few kunai, ignoring the torturing pains of her leg. "But Tsukki… I learned something important that night… and I just want you to know that after it happened, I never intended to get between the two of you." She flung the weapons at the web and Tsukuyo fell to the ground. She landed on all fours smoothly before getting up, holding two of the kunai in her hands.

Her gaze was still unforgiving.

"Sacchan-san, that was amazing!" Shinpachi adjusted his glasses while staring at the bits of string on the floor.

"Thank you, Shinpachi…"

Tsukuyo pushed forward, gripping the kunai. "Tell me how you did it, Sarutobi. I need to know. Did you rape him in his sleep? Ambush him in the bath? Or did you deceive him… Making him believe that something happened between the two of you?"

Sacchan clenched her teeth. She had enough. She apologized and explained her side. She even promised to stay away. What more did Tsukuyo want? Did she have to insult her even more? She already had Gin-san; she had practically everything. "I did nothing of those!"

"I wouldn't put anything past you anymore!"

"Tsukuyo-san! Sacchan-san! Please, don't fight!" Shinpachi stood bravely between them. He had no weapon but he was determined.

Tsukuyo leaped over him with her arms crossed, ready to attack. Sacchan moved as fast as she could to the right, trying to evade the attack. But Tsukuyo was quicker, her kunai dug into Sacchan's arm, making her fall back. Then, her beautiful eyes widened.

Sacchan saw that Tsukuyo's foot was caught in a piece of web. She twisted, losing her balance and fell forward, her face landing powerfully on Sacchan's knee as it shot upward when she fell. Tsukuyo slid to the floor and hit her head again. There was blood on her mouth and she was unconscious.

Sacchan gasped and attempted to get up but the blood on the floor made it slippery and she unintentionally slid back and hit the wall. She cried out as the ache intensified.

"TSUKUYO!" Gin-san's anguished scream made her look up. He was still fighting side by side with Katsura. Shinpachi was shaking Tsukuyo's shoulders, trying to rouse her. Sacchan lay still… She couldn't move and she did not know if it was out of pain or out of… fear.

She watched as Gin-san's face transformed, laced with fury. His movements terrified her as he fought the dark-haired man. They were purposeful and hot-blooded. His growls sparked chills in her spine. Was he going to fault her for what happened? She shivered and she swore she felt her heart stop.

Gin-san's hair was whipping back and forth and his teeth were bared in anger. His eyes looked like there were devilish flames burning inside them. She could decipher the intent of his actions just by watching… Right now, Sacchan felt like she was viewing the past, back when the Shiroyasha spread terror in the battlefield.

Katsura also fought with comparable intensity although with less ire. He screamed, "Gintoki! Go to  _her_! She needs you! Do not let love be hindered by a troubled being such as Shinsuke. I'll deal with him. This is my battle. We have unfinished business, don't we, Takasugi?"

Sacchan's spirit calmed when Gin-san unexpectedly looked her way and rushed desperately in her direction. She let the happy tears fall from her eyes, awaiting his warm embrace and reassuring words. She needed his comfort and his shielding presence. To be in his strong arms and to tell him how much she loved him… To kiss him again and lean her head on his shoulder… "Gin-san, I-"

But he had stopped a distance from her, right next to Shinpachi, and bent down to take Tsukuyo in his arms. He gently brushed the hair from her face and wiped the blood with his sleeve. Calling her name several times, he shook her and tried to wake her. His fingers reached out to check her pulse. Relief suddenly filled his face, meaning she was alive. He kissed her forehead and her cheek, rubbing her shoulder and holding her close. Taking her in his arms, he stood up and spun around.

Sacchan edged back against the corner, hidden by a piece of furniture or something else she could not determine. She hoped that he wouldn't see her there. She peeked from the edge, still wanting to see what happens despite the continuously flowing tears and the rotten ache in her chest that surpassed the torture of her hand and leg. In a sea of blood and sorrow, she almost expected her heart to simply give up and stop beating.

She already knew and she said it herself earlier… But she was still a fool to even hope for a second that he would look for her. She wanted him to find her, to make her fantasies a reality. They had been together, no matter how you look at it. However, it was a mistake to have believed that they would last… or that there was even something special to begin with. Maybe these past few months were already forgotten, erased like they never happened at all.

Tsukki was right. She was desperate. And there was something wrong with her head.

Their opponent, Takasugi was down. His sword was far from his reach and Katsura loomed over him, pointing his own sword to the man's neck. They were still speaking to each other, lamenting about their pasts and how much Takasugi hated the world. They disagreed on their master's fate, despite having the same one.

Still, it seemed like Katsura did not want to kill Takasugi. He pushed to convince him of other means. He wanted to convert his old comrade. Gin-san simply listened and watched them, Tsukuyo still in his arms… But Sacchan did not want to look at them any longer.

She dared not make a sound when Kin-san arrived. He stabbed Katsura in the side and drew Takasugi away from his sword. Then he picked Jiraia up and they ran but not before he informed Gin-san and the rest of their fate. "Three bombs,  _two hundred_  seconds, one magnificent explosion." Then, they fled.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Gin-san screamed and she saw everyone rush to the window on one side. Bravely, she got up and proceeded, as steadily as she could, to the dark glass nearest to her. She saw Gin-san face her but before he could do anything, she opened the glass and leaped down, praying there was a tree or a branch to hold on to. It was a leap of faith. She prayed she would make it through the fall. She always did, somehow.

And there was one, close enough for her to wrap her good arm and leg around the trunk. Her face slammed against it and her nose and lips were sore but she had a decent grasp. It was enough to land steadily on the ground. Her leg banged against the wood but she disregarded it, even just for a while.

She slid down, slowly. The bark was sharp and rough even over her clothes. There would be scratches everywhere, but what mattered was that she was getting out of there. Someone called out to her from above though she did not bother to look that way.

When she landed, she took a few seconds rest and then forced herself to get up and run, or rather, limp away from the impending blast. She moved to the darkest area without any clue where she was going. The only goal was to get as far away as possible.

The earth shook with the detonation and she was thrown a few feet forward, sustaining only limited additional injuries. She crawled away from the debris and hid under a shelf of metal. When the explosion subsided, she took off in another dark random direction. Her sight blacked out a few times but she only paused a while and kept going. Her heart was pounding and she looked down to check if her leg was still attached.

Then, there were rushing footsteps behind her, catching up. "Sacchan! You're going the wrong way." It was Gin-san and she felt her whole body shudder. She pressed forward, not looking at him, but she was getting weaker and she was failing to catch her breath. He grabbed her arm and she winced. "This way."

She had no choice but to follow him when he tugged her forward but she did so wordlessly. She saw Tsukuyo still unconscious and in his arms. He held her close and tenderly even as they were rushing through the streets. His arm let go of her as they made a turn. A short-cut, he said. She watched his arm wrap around Tsukuyo's body.

"SACCHAN!" He was yelling. She might have spaced out. "Did you hear me? We have to climb. Can you? I'll help you."

She stared at him, feeling herself float. She was not certain if she recognized his face or not. His voice was distant and his words were bouncing off her ears. Sighing, she leaned against the wall and nodded to herself. This was definitely the new worst night of her life.

He spoke again, making her look back at him. "Fine, I'll go first. Follow me if you can. Or reach out, I'll pull you up. Sacchan. Come on…" He climbed on the brick wall, Tsukuyo slung on his shoulders. The building wasn't too high, only about five or six floors. Could she make it?

The bricks were cool to her touch. She pulled herself up with her unharmed hand and stepped with her functioning leg. But when she reached out with her other hand and attempted a step with the damaged leg, she lost her grip and fell to the ground. An unpleasant current ran from the back of her thighs to her feet, making her moan in discomfort. She saw the bone sticking out from her leg and shut her eyes, trying to obliterate the memory of it.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, she pushed it back in place as much as she could and tightened the cloth around it, just so she could have something to stand on. She would never be able to climb up in this condition.

"Sacchan!" Gin-san called from above. He was on the roof, carrying Tsukuyo in his arms again. He was shouting at her and she wondered if he was telling her off for the umpteenth time. His figure was illuminated by the full moon shining behind him. She watched them for a while, admiring the radiance and perfection of the image they made with the moon as their patron.

The beauty of the night with the moon presiding over it. The stars in the background only borrow their own light from it. Then, the stars, in a moment of truth, fall from the skies, never to return again. Only a few see them tumble but most do not even notice.

The rareness of seeing a star drop grants the observer a wish.

"I wish you happiness, Gin-san." She murmured while smiling.

She wasn't the moon, obviously. But she was not a star either. Tsukuyo is the  _moon_  and she, Ayame  _Sarutobi_ , is the  _monkey_.

Sacchan took off, ducking through the streets and keeping herself hidden in the darkness. She dragged herself away, as far as she could, until her breath or her body yielded. She collapsed later in a dark alley, crying and exhausted. Her life force was slowly being drained. She wept for the things she couldn't change and for the feelings she could not vanquish. The thought that she might have angered Gin-san or that he thought she betrayed him… It sunk her in misery. She could not even imagine his handsome face in her mind. She could not hear his attractive voice in her head. All she remembered before going out cold were his blazing red eyes.

She was shocked to have regained consciousness in her apartment afterwards. She was on her bed, a pillow underneath her head, and her body cloaked by a warm blanket. Someone saved her! Could it be? Gin-san must have come back for her. She despised the expectations and yearnings of her heart. It was still difficult not to hope. She had always been a masochistic fool. But how had she arrived here then?

A sting on her neck made her gasp in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, August is almost over. Chapters are depressing lately but there are good ones to come too. We also have to consider if Sacchan wants to be with Bansai. Now I can't help but reevaluate how I write Gintoki. I might be making readers unsympathetic of him. I can't believe a new ship has been born of this story. We'll see what happens. :)


	19. Sleep Seems Like a Better Option than Waking Up and Facing All Your Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, please please! This story is unbetaed. Thought I’d have the weekend off but someone ruined my schedule. Had to face some difficulties at work: some people are just too demanding! Good news though, I bought a new netbook so yay now I can write properly. My old laptop had 5 nonfunctional keys so it was really difficult before. Oh yeah, I tried very hard to make this chapter as interesting – and revealing – as possible. Hugs and thanks to everyone! ;p

It was almost like five or six years ago. That time when he made a startling yet magnificent discovery of his feelings. Every fragment of his memories came rushing back from the moment he regained consciousness. _She_  was finally here with him – he  _found_  her and got her back. He focused first on her eyes, incandescent orbs that never failed to reveal her soul to him. He wondered if his eyes shone with his own emotions; feelings which have now turned vague and unresolved.

Gintoki sat up, struggling with the movement. His view swayed and his sides hurt. The bandages around his body were unyielding and the one on his forehead contributed a great deal to his headache. Coughing, he released the tightness in his chest.

Tsukuyo slid closer and rested her head on his upper body. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she whispered, “Finally, you’re awake… Gintoki.”

He drew her to his lap and kept his hands on her waist as they both pressed closer to each other. The delicious scent of her hair filled his nostrils and he reached up with a palm to touch the strands. They were as smooth and soft as they looked. Neither of them moved for a while, Gintoki only caressed her long hair and her waist while Tsukuyo leaned against him.

The room was dim and silent with the windows shut. Still, the coolness in the air was maintained. The walls had a familiar plain coloring in them and the ceiling was as shabby as ever. He could see the remnants of a large gap that had been repaired haphazardly in the past.

Were they back at home? At the Yorozuya place? He had to be dreaming.

“Tsukuyo,” he gently pushed her back to look her in the eye. “We’re in Edo?”

She nodded, blushing. Their faces were close, very close. He could feel her breath against his lips. He also liked the fact that she could still blush in his presence. She held their gaze as her fingers trailed from his nape, passing to his neck, and rested on his jaw. Gintoki was aware of her full breasts crushed to his chest. It took all his self-control to stop himself from groaning.

He was reminded of their first night together, and all the other times that followed, which they spent right here, in his room, on his futon. Of course, there were other places where they had kissed and made love but this particular spot was special, the most memorable… and the most private.

Tsukuyo leaned forward first, kissing him with unrepressed urgency which he eagerly responded to. Her lips were warm, still plump and soft as before. She moaned as he licked and bit them, then she pushed her breasts to him, just the way she knew he liked it. When he lay her down on the sheets and kissed her neck while undressing her, she begged and arched toward him.

It was the most amazing thing ever.

He bent down without delay and sucked too eagerly on her hefty mounds. They were bare underneath the single layer of the kimono that she wore and it pleased him very much. He was more than satisfied with her delighted sighs which echoed through the room.

Then her legs were wrapped around his waist, her center pressed against his erection. They moved together, lost in the bliss of their reunion.

“Gintoki… Please…” Her voice trembled and she reached for him.

He stretched upwards to meet her lips, and he devoured her, wondering what would be enough to satisfy him. But she had always been enough, perfect and irreplaceable. Their lives had been going so well but she disappeared and that changed everything. He needed reasons. He wanted to understand.

When they paused for a breath, he trailed his lips to her forehead and cheek to feel her scars and reassure her of his love. The smoothness of the area made him pull away. It was another alteration that kept him in the dark.

Gintoki cleared his throat again. “How long have I been out? How did we get here?”

She blinked at him. “Four… or five days. Katsura said you passed out after we escaped. When I came to, I told them that it’s best for us to return here.” She kissed him again but as much as he wanted it to go on, he slowly took her off his lap.

“Gintoki? What’s wrong?” Her expression was unreadable.

“I… I’m thirsty. And hungry.” It was an excuse, but he needed to ask her so many things. She looked tempting right now, naked and willing, back in his arms, but he couldn’t concentrate with all the questions at the back of his mind. There was no doubt that he wanted to make love to her. She was still able to stir the heat within him. Tsukuyo was the love of his life, for fuck’s sake. He wanted to be with her. However, his instincts held him back and he was one who always trusted his own gut.

She pressed her lips together, stood up and covered herself then proceeded to smoke with her kiseru. “Do you want me to get you some food and drink? I can cook-“ she hesitated, “or prepare something for you.”

He chuckled. Tsukuyo, cooking? Well, she did make delicious sweet hot pot and a nice bento every now and then but it was either him or Hinowa who usually did the cooking. He swallowed his mirth though when she glared at him. “Maybe later,” he said instead and patted the empty space beside him. “Stay with me,” he murmured.

Sighing, she took the spot and gasped when Gintoki filched the kiseru from her grasp and rolled it a few meters away from them. “Gintoki!” She was adorable especially when surprised.

“We need to talk, Tsukki.” He pulled her back into his arms and stared into her eyes, hoping that she would understand what he was asking for. She always did.

She leaned her head on his shoulder, looking up at him almost tearful. “Kiss me.” When she asked in that manner, there was no way he could refuse. He groaned as their lips touched again with impatient, desperate kisses. “I missed you so much,” she cried as she gasped for air, “I love you, Gintoki.”

“Me too, Tsukuyo.” He caressed her cheek and her hair, crushing her to him.

“D- Do you still want me?” She asked after suddenly pulling back.

“Yes.” He could hear his voice, thick and hoarse with desire. Then he kissed her again.

Tsukuyo sighed against his mouth and held his face between her hands. “I was going to return to you, Gintoki. I really was.”

He shut his eyes, trying to push away his doubts. “What happened? Why didn’t you?”

“It – the process – it needed some time. Jiraia said I wasn’t ready-“

“Jiraia,” he growled. “That bastard! Is it true? That you sought him willingly?” He couldn’t accept it. Why would she return to someone who tried to shape her into something despicable? Why did she need that pest’s help after everything he had done?

Tsukuyo shook her head. “Stop, please, Gintoki. It’s not what you think-“

“Then  _tell_  me, Tsukuyo.” He shook her with frustration. “ _Tell_  me so that I can understand what the hell is going on.”

“I love you-“

“Tsukuyo.”

She paused a while. “But I was worried that I was holding you back or pushing you into something too hasty.”

“What are you saying? Holding me back? Rushing into what?”

She pulled at his shirt, “Gintoki, we were getting married. I wanted to, I really did… But I always wondered if I was enough for you.”

“You were!” What was she talking about? “Did I ever make you feel like you weren’t?”

“I’m sorry. I just…” She traced the edge of his top. “There are so many things that I’ve been thinking of. Like how sudden it was when we got together and maybe it was just the sex-“

“You are beautiful and sexy but it was more than that.” He gripped her waist, nudging the undersides of her breasts. “We’ve just been holding back. I told you-“

“It’s not only that, Gintoki. You were never the marrying type…”

“Until I met you!”

“It was so sudden-“

He let out a loud breath, frustrated. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before you disappeared on me? We could have just talked-“

“It wasn’t just that! It wasn’t easy for me either!” She pushed away and stood up, her back to him, but he remained on the futon.

“Then what else? Tell me.”

“I am telling you, you just won’t listen. You keep interrupting me!”

“Fine, go on then. Let’s make sense of this silliness.”

Tsukuyo faced him, her eyes fierce. “It’s not silly, Gintoki!”

He shrugged. “It seems like that to me.”

“Then why the hell am I even trying to explain when you’ve already made up your mind?” She crossed her arms and turned away. He couldn’t see her face but he hoped he did not make her cry.

He stood to approach her and massaged her shoulders before hugging her to his chest. “All right. I’m sorry.” He kissed her neck, licking the most sensitive spot, making her hum in response. “I’m just lost and I want to know why you’ve been mixed up in something that’s connected to Jiraia – the man who messed up your past – and even Takasugi, who’s from  _my_  past. He’s dangerous. They both are.”

“You’re right… Takasugi… That man… He sees the world differently. He’s impatient and unstable.”

“I’ve been losing my mind every single day just thinking about what they would have done to you,” he murmured into her hair.

“Gintoki… I always thought of you too. But they didn’t do anything to me. Takasugi’s been very frustrated because the serum hasn’t exerted its optimum effects on him. His eye heals but it returns to its old state if he doesn’t use the injections constantly.”

“The serum? You mean the drug?”

“The blood of the Amanto.”

He felt his heart stop. He turned her to face him. “What did you say?” Was that the reason why there were dead bodies of the alien race popping up everywhere, and even some at the Kiheitai’s hideout?

She gave him an anxious look. “Yes, that healing liquid is taken from their veins. Jiraia discovered it in his travels and encounters with various races. He used it for years, which is why he now possesses a younger skin and more vitality.”

Gintoki pressed his lips together, mirroring his feelings deep inside. The way she spoke about her old teacher was too familiar and trusting despite his treatment of her. “Are you two… Together? Do you love him?” He hated saying those words.

“No.” She shook her head. “No! I said it’s not like that. He  _helped_  me. That’s all there is. He wants the two of us, you and me, together, Gintoki… but he just has different standards and methods.”

Gintoki narrowed his eyes. “That’s for sure. What do you mean he helped you? He took advantage of you… of your body. Has he brainwashed you into thinking that?” He remembered the way Jiraia took her on the bed, the way they kissed… That bastard laid his filthy hands on her and even violated her… And she  _let_  him…

But Tsukuyo patted his chest and gave him a light kiss. “It’s different, the way the serum works.”

“How does it work?”

“You felt it, didn’t you? When I used it on you then?”

Gintoki nodded, recalling the maddening sensation of the drug.

“It isn’t as intense the first time. You can still overcome it. But when you use it the second time onwards, the reserves in the blood and organs increase, making it difficult for the receiver to take control.”

“So, what happens?”

“Components of the blood repair the damaged areas but in the process, the nerves are most affected. We don’t know why. The feeling becomes ambiguous and almost drives the user mad.”

“Yeah, it does.” He drew her closer, staring at her face, intent on discovering what the effects of the injections were.

“That’s why the user needs help.”

“What kind of help?” Gintoki asked in dread but he had a bad feeling about the explanation.

“Jiraia explained it to me. There is a spectrum of touch sensations that the body can perceive. The ones in the middle are safe and do not have much influence over the nerves. Somehow, they have become numb in that range. The two ends, however, can divert and minimize the sensations, making the user gain control.”

“Pain. And Pleasure.” He said with certainty.

Tsukuyo nodded. “By default, people choose pain and many have died without help, inflicting serious injury or death upon themselves, just to end the discomfort. But  _pleasure_ …” A meaningful look passed between them.

“I see.” Gintoki laughed, he laughed so much that it took some time for him to stop. He had let go of Tsukuyo and turned his back to her. The stupid blood was a healing miracle and its effects were sickening. It was fucking unbelievable, absurd really. “Such a wonder drug… Who could ask for more? No wonder so many of you are addicted to it.”

“It’s not about addiction! It’s the healing properties-“

“But at the risk of the lives of the Amanto? I know they’ve conquered our lands but that is not the way to deal with it. There are also good ones, innocent ones who’ve been victimized.”

“I know… I never thought they’d drain them dry…”

“I understand why Takasugi wanted it… he could be mortally wounded and still recover fully. He also wants his eye back. Even Jiraia, his fucked up face certainly needed a lot of restoration… But  _you_? Tsukki, why have you been using it? I can’t even think of a reason. It might have long term effects that you’re not even aware of. That’s dangerous!”

“Jiraia’s studied it well. He told me about it and gave me a choice. It was his way of repenting. He wanted to fix what he had done. So I forgave him because he was – no,  _is_  – my master and I wanted to get rid of the scars-“

“Why? I’ve always told you that you’re still beautiful even with the scars. They’re a part of you and I loved you, _all_  of you, even those marks. But outer beauty shouldn’t even matter, right? What’s important is what you are on the inside.”

“I know that! The scars just reminded me too much of the past… A past I had to erase. Given the opportunity, I took it. It was for us. I wanted to begin a new life, with you…”

“We already were, Tsukuyo.” He was sorely disappointed with what he was hearing.

Her voice had turned into a whisper, but he could hear them clearly. “I always felt inadequate. We were in love… But was I right for you, Gintoki? You’re a wonderful man. You could have anyone… A lot of more _beautiful_  and  _uncomplicated_ women were just waiting for you.”

“But I only wanted you! Physical beauty isn’t the only thing that matters to me-”

“I’m so sorry, Gintoki. I don’t know how to make you understand anymore. It’s just that I was scared, and anxious, and confused, more than I have ever been in my life. You always made me unsettled, you know?”

“Tsukuyo…”

“Before you, the only life I knew was the one I had in Yoshiwara. I was always in control and comfortable with myself. Then you came and then I constantly found myself on my toes.” She reached for him, hugging him from behind, pressing her breasts against his back. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You make me feel different. You make me lose my resolve.”

He didn’t speak. He always believed in her and he tried his best to care for her. Her words made him sad. Was he that insensitive to her feelings and insecurities? He was used to making an effort to treat her differently and more special than anyone else.

“That’s why I was worried when we got together. I just wanted you to be content… and happy.”

“I was. You didn’t have to do all that!” His body remained rigid, unyielding.

“I’m sorry. I really wanted to come back sooner. But… I’m here now,  _I’m back_. Gintoki, what now? Now that you know… Do you still want to be with me? Because I want us to return to how it was before…”

Tired of all the thinking and analyzing, he turned to her and drew her into his arms, hugging her, trapping her so that she would not leave him like she did all those years ago.

“Answer me, Gintoki! Why aren’t you saying anything?” Her voice wavered. “I love you. I won’t leave you again, I promise…” Her arms wound around him so tight it almost hurt. “Tell me you’ll stay with me.”

“Yes, Tsukki, you know I want to.” His voice was soft, even distant to his own ears. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair. “I’ve spent almost a quarter of my life searching for you…”

“Gin… toki…” She sighed into his neck. “W- What about Sarutobi?”

A cold tremor of electricity run down his body, “Sacchan! What happened to her? Where is she? Is she alright?” Reuniting with Tsukuyo had distracted him. He could see Sacchan’s injured body, the blood, and the bones sticking out of her leg. He was haunted by her sad eyes, full of tears - those eyes which turned away from him as she fled into the night. A tremor of guilt pierced his heart. He gasped at the memories, along with the feelings that came with them and let go of Tsukuyo.

“Gintoki,” Tsukuyo pulled at his arm, “I don’t know. None of us saw her. She didn’t return to your hideout. Maybe she ran away again.”

“No, she was hurt and she needed help. Did someone go look for her?” He was getting worried, thinking of the possibilities. His breaths were starting to become rapid and he kept looking from left to right, not knowing what he should do next.

“The explosion injured most of us. There was no time. We returned to Edo immediately.”

“So no one went back for her? No one knows what happened to her or where she is right now?” He cried angrily. “How long has it been? Four, five days? Fuck, I have to go back there.”

“No! We should stay here.” Tsukuyo was pleading with him. “We don’t know if the Kiheitai are still in that area-“

“Something could have happened to her!”

She hesitated. “Gintoki… Maybe she’s-“

“DON’T SAY IT!”

Tsukuyo slapped him, a hard and angry hit across his cheek, making his head turned to the side with the force. It took some time for him to recover while he rubbed the part where she struck him. When he looked at her again, he saw her eyes - hurt, furious and disappointed.

“Tsukuyo, what-?”

“So, it’s true… what Jiraia said! You and Sarutobi…” She choked back her tears, seemingly unable to continue.

“Tsukuyo…”

“TELL ME, GINTOKI! HAVE YOU REALLY BEEN WITH HER?”

He looked away, unable to believe that she was in a state like this. He could hear her foot step across the ground but was it toward him or away from him?

“GINTOKI! YOU OWE ME THE TRUTH!”

He sighed and covered his face with his palm. “Yes, yes! Sacchan and I are together.”

“I see…” She lunged at him and pounded her fists on his chest. “HOW COULD YOU? And it had to be  _her_?”

He grabbed her arms, trying to make her stop. “Wait! Tsukki!”

“You say you love me but when we’re apart you go running to the first woman who would willingly –  _desperately_ – spread her legs for you! I knew it…” She sobbed with anger. “And you say I was enough for you…”

“Stop! It’s not like that!”

“Could you even say that she forced or tricked you into it? She’s a relentless,  _desperate_  woman! Tell me it was a mistake…”

“Tsukki! Please, let me explain…” He tightened his grip on her arms. “Sacchan was in that area where we were looking for you. She helped us; she helped  _me_  take  _you_  back. During that time we just… She was always there for me. We didn’t do it to hurt you. She didn’t plan to steal me away. It just happened.” He couldn’t tell her how he started it, how he suspected Sacchan, how wretched he was and how he used unforgivable means to extract information from her.

Tsukuyo struggled. “Gintoki…” And suddenly tears were rushing down her face. “You… You’re defending her now? Are you telling me that she hadn’t done anything to you? That you wanted it?” She gasped and pulled away, taking several steps back. “C- Could it be? B- But that’s impossible! Could it be that you’ve actually fallen in love with  _her_?” A laugh escaped her trembling lips as she shook her head with her eyes widened in disbelief.

Gintoki gritted his teeth. The way she said it and laughed, it was like she mocked the idea, finding it the most impossible thing in the world. It made him uncomfortable. “Tsukuyo, Sacchan’s not as bad as you make her out to be. Maybe she was intolerable before and she did a lot of weird things then but… she’s different now. If you talked with her or spent some time with her, you’d see.”

“Did you kiss her like the way you kissed me? Did you make love to her every night like the way we used to? Does she satisfy you? Does she make you feel good? She probably does everything you want, acting like your slave, always trailing behind you like a dog-“

“TSUKUYO, STOP!” He immediately regretted yelling at her when her eyes widened in disbelief. He had upset her. “You’re rambling,” he said in a softer voice.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have left you. I should have stayed with you. If I did, then we’d be married right now. We’d be living here with our children and none of these problems would be plaguing us.” She sobbed and he rushed to her to hold her, rubbing her back while whispering that everything was going to be okay. But his insides were in turbulence. He was troubled that no one had seen Sacchan and she did not make it back with them. The thought of her with those injuries and in that area… Could she have survived it?

After a while, he stepped away from Tsukuyo with much regret. “Tsukki, I have to go back. I have to find her… To see if she’s okay. You understand, don’t you?”

The tears kept flowing from her eyes. “So, this is it, Gintoki? You’re choosing her? You’re returning to that place to be with her?”

Gintoki shook his head and grabbed her hands, touching his lips to them. “I have to make things right. She helped me, in so many ways…” He trailed off, taking a breather. “And right now, she’s still my girlfriend. I shouldn’t even be kissing you.” He smiled at her with guilt.

“What will you do, Gintoki?”

“A man has to do the right thing. I’m also a samurai, and we have a code of honor.” He let go of her hands and moved away to dress up and put on his boots. “I’ve been troublesome lately; it’s tainting my record  _and_  my reputation. Even my  _soul_.” Slinging his bokutou over his shoulder, he walked to the door. Before stepping out, he said, “I have to break up with her first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too much dialogue but it can’t be helped. Late apologies for Tsukuyo… I have no concrete ideas on how to characterize her. Most fans see her in a certain kind of light and in conjunction with that, ship her hard with Gin but for me, I don’t really care much for her. Maybe she’s too perfect? And don’t say her scars or her drunken state are her flaws, that won’t do. :P No fights, just explaining why I write her this way. I’m really trying hard to see her from the POV of her and GinTsu fans. Oh Sorachi-sensei, what have you done? Hope the story is still making sense. My brain’s muddled with the nonstop shifting from studying to working to writing to sleeping to worrying. But this routine keeps me sane! Next month’s events of my life scare me. So, for now, we know it wasn’t Gin who saved Sacchan.


	20. At the Point of the Crossroads, You Must Follow Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, please please! This story is unbetaed. Now we’ll find out what happened to Sacchan… and everything else that follows. I really tried and tried and tried to edit this into something better but I’m never satisfied. If I continued, we’d end up not having this posted at all. Long-ass chapter, by the way. Replies to reviews are at the end of the chapter. Thanks everyone! Sorry for the long wait. ;p

She was falling past an endless cliff, enveloped in an icy mass of darkness. It felt like days that she was dropping, with a constant fear that at one point she would hit the hard end. Her arms stretched out, trying to adjust her position, but the forces taking her down pushed and pulled on, keeping her uncomfortable.

Sacchan opened her mouth to cry out but she choked on what little air she could inhale. Her stomach seemed to be at her throat, threatening to be vomited. Only her heart was fighting for her life, pumping furiously and almost bursting through her chest.

Then a cool, sharp object pierced her back. She turned but there was only a metal blur. Finally, she was able to scream, and a sound unknown to her echoed throughout her being. The chilly steel dragged her upwards, faster than she could imagine, taking her back through the way she plunged.

The pain intensified as it scraped through her skin, tearing through the layers. And then it let go and she was diving back to the bottom.

“HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!” Sacchan gasped, almost surrendering to the repeated torture.

Then, someone caught her. She was in another’s arms, enveloped in safety. She opened her eyes and the blur transformed into clarity. Relief took over, but merely a few seconds passed before her stomach churned and a maddening itch began on her lower back.

“Ayame,” he murmured. “Look at me.”

She felt her eyes roll upward as she arched and tried to shake off the awkward mix of sensations. “I… I need-“

He drew her close, such that their entire bodies were touching. She could feel his warm breath diffusing through her cheeks and the heat from his body somehow made her shiver. The way his hands rested on her bare waist, underneath her clothing, yielded the most powerful reactions from her body.

“I’m here, you see,” he whispered in her ear, making her shift closer to him. “I’ll help you.”

She nodded, feeling desperate. In one quick movement, she had climbed on his lap and wrapped her body around him. He was completely still except for the dynamic beating of his heart. “D-DO SOMETHING!” Her hands fisted in his hair with urgency. “MAKE IT STOP!”

“Let me in… Ayame.” His lips grazed her neck, and he touched her, tasted her, and marked her with fervor. He held her close, pressing their bodies painfully together. But Sacchan did not mind the pain. What mattered was that he took her away from the insanity and she gratified him by removing her own garments.

He bent down eagerly, as if taking what was his, exploring every part of her. She always thought him to be controlled and calm, so different from the man trapping her right now. He seemed to have given in, releasing all the pent up frustration and desire he had been holding back.

Sacchan closed her eyes and moaned as he took her nipple in his mouth. She wondered how much of her own frustration needed to be let out. But this, whatever he was doing, was surely the solution. Her mind was clearer, wasn’t it? And she had lost the uneasiness from earlier.

“Ayame,” he groaned against her stomach after he lay her down. “Tell me what you want, I daresay.”

“I… Don’t…” She shook her head. Everything was a blur when he let go. “What’s happening? It’s coming back! I need…”

“Say it.”

“What?” She was screaming again. “What should I say?” Her hands were gripping his hair.

“That you want me to do this…”

“Yes! I need… I want… Please help me!” She couldn’t form the words. Her body and mind were desperate and yet she was not able to say anything. Sacchan started sobbing. “Please end it… I want to die…”

“I won’t let you die.”

“Wait-!” Sacchan gasped as he pushed her legs apart. She felt his lips touch her center, and it made her speechless, soaring through space. Everything was better now, she was free and she surrendered to him.

She moved her thighs to draw him in but he held them apart, keeping her vulnerable. She cried and begged, bathing in the atmosphere he created, almost forgetting who she was. Her hips circled, attempting to keep up with him, and her back arched in delight.

Everything that was happening was magnified a hundred times. A simple touch or a blow of breath sent her almost toppling over the edge. She knew this feeling well – an overwhelming sensation that encompassed her body, mind and soul. Her heart beat with a purpose for one man, the only man she felt she could ever love.

But this wasn’t him, and he had never done this for her. Even so, it remained a fact that he was the only one she would willingly give herself to and he was the only one who could make her feel the beauty of love in the world.

Now, here she was, already betraying him because of her desperation. He had abandoned her to reunite with his true love and in the process, he had taken her heart with him. She would always belong to him.

“Stop-!” she started but her body had already reacted, fulfilled with what Bansai had given her. She was left panting, unable to move, but she knew she was finally back to her old self. This time, with more regrets. “You…”  _Gin-san, I’m sorry…_

Bansai straightened, kissing her, embracing her like a lover. “You’re better now, you see.” His hands took possession of her body as his lips sought hers. “Ayame, you are exquisite. My desire for you has not yet been satisfied, I daresay.”

Sacchan kept her eyes shut and she let him continue. His thigh pushed between her legs, making her gasp with the contact. His body was warm and reassuring, just what her own was yearning for. She rubbed against him, trying to escape the misery of her heart.

“Come and leave with me, I daresay. I’ll take care of you.” His words were gentle and promising but they held no power over her. She should go with him, she was tempted to do it, but something – or someone – held her back. “It is better to forget about him, you see. He-“

“I know,” she finally said as she cried, keeping herself still. She was in limbo. She was suddenly numb. Her pitiful situation was inevitable but her persistence – no, her stubbornness – caused her downfall. Sacchan moved away and stood up, her back to him. She couldn’t face Bansai, not after what happened. But she owed him so much… “I’m sorry… Bansai… and thank you.” She shivered at her declarations. They were the right words but with the situation, it seemed odd.

He approached her, taking his place behind her and drawing her body to his chest. Bansai kissed her neck like she was already his. “Think about it, Ayame. I will come back for you, I daresay.” His voice was strained, but otherwise inscrutable. Then, he left.

Sacchan frowned. She was alone again.

Almost a week had passed but she did not see him yet. She wasn’t waiting for him, she told herself. All she needed was a comforting presence. If he came back, she would decline his invitation. It was best to refuse anyway. She would not be with him for the wrong reasons.

For days, she remained at home, crying and writing songs which she couldn’t bring herself to finish. She called her old workplace – they had been wondering why she did not show up for several nights – and told them she could not return for a while. She had to be alone. Someday, she would get herself together and return to her old-new life in this place. Everything that occurred in the past months would be forgotten.

Sacchan avoided the ramen place where their hideout was, lest she ran into the people from her past. But she was disappointed that none of them had bothered to check up on her.

Today, she woke at an odd hour, took a meal and remained soaked in her tub for hours. Sacchan gave in to slumber again and later roused to see that it was after noon. She dressed hastily, feeling restless with her instincts on fire. Something was wrong.

She stepped out into her room, not noting anything different, and this intensified her suspicions. It was too quiet. Through the windows she could make out the darkening skies signaling a harsh rain to come.

“Sacchan.”

She turned to the voice, already knowing who it was. Surely, she was imagining things because Gintoki Sakata was standing right in front of her. She had dreamt him into reality.

She sobbed his name, feeling that familiar ache in her chest. Her knees buckled and she fell forward.

He caught her.

The moment she was in his arms, she knew he was real. Sacchan sighed with happiness and buried her face in his chest when his arms had wrapped around her instead of pushing her away.

They remained still for a while but she sensed some agitation in him. He must be angry with her. Sacchan drew back and looked into his eyes. She feared him but she also loved him. She needed to know the truth – why was he here? But their bodies were still close, too close, and she refused to move away. She tilted her chin up and caressed his chest with her palm. It was wrong but her body was out of control – she wanted to feel him, to be with him.

His eyes were fixed on her as his hands settled on her hips. It reminded her of the way he held her when they made love. Slowly, his stance leaned towards her and his breath was faster and unsteady.

Why was here? He was always difficult to decipher… and he never really opened up to her. She was never that important to him.

The only reason that he had come all this way was to completely end things between them.

She wished that he would say something to finally end the scorching ache in her heart. His eyes revealed nothing except for an inner struggle which she felt through the tightening of his grasp. If he was struggling, then that meant that he cared, even just a little.

“Gin-san,” she kissed him – a last effort of desperation. Her arms circled his neck, keeping him against her as she gave him everything that was left in her. She smoothed his hair before tugging at the strands as their kiss deepened. Sacchan gasped as he held her waist to haul her closer – as if they weren’t already melting into each other.

She dragged him to her futon, wanting to submit herself to him over and over. She was his but he would never be hers. All she wanted was one last time to be with him and make him feel how much she loved him.

He held her face in his hands, kissing her heatedly, making her think that he also wanted her. Sacchan shrugged off her robe and started to unbuckle his belt but this made him stop and push her away. He was shaking his head.

“Sacchan, we can’t. We shouldn’t.” His entire being was remorseful. He confirmed the truth, a truth which she hated. She had to accept it and move on. “I’m sorry.” His eyes were full of apology and regret.

She dressed and swallowed several times to keep herself from crying. “Okay,” was all she said. She felt rejected, shameful and wounded but what else did she expect? She ran to the door, wanting to escape.

Gin-san grabbed her arm to make her face him. “I’m sorry,” he said. “This is the right thing to do, isn’t it? I’m so sorry.”

While pulling away, she told him, “It’s what you want, Gin-san. Don’t be sorry. You should go back now! You didn’t have to come here!” Sacchan didn’t want to feel anger but it was there, in the pit of her stomach, buried in all the indignity. “Please, just leave me alone.”

“I wanted to know if you were okay! Sacchan, you disappeared with all those injuries. Why did you do that? What happened?”

“Gin-san… What happened to Tsukki? Is she alright now? Did she wake-up? I didn’t hit her on purpose. I just wanted you to know that. It- It was an accident, she slipped, I- I don’t really remember but I never intended to harm her. Don’t hate me. It just happened. I can’t explain it-“

“Sacchan, you’re blabbering-“

“No! You should go back to her.”

“Tsukuyo is fine. She’s in Edo. I came here to check up on you. I need to talk to you.”

“I know. You’re here to end things between us. I already knew from the last time I saw you-“

“Sacchan-“

“It would have been better if you stayed away. Now I’ve complicated things by coming on to you. I’m sorry, I’m always so impulsive. But it’s like that with you, I become irritatingly uncontrollable. I’m so sorry. I’ll keep away, I promise.”

“Listen to me!” He grabbed her by the arms.

“You don’t have to explain anything-“

“YES, I DO. Sacchan, please, this is also difficult for me. I’ve wronged you-“

“No…”

“-and now we’re in this fucked up situation because I’ve been selfish-“

“Just go, please, I- I understand why you did it and it’s not your fault. Nothing is… I understand. You love her, more than anything, and you would do anything for her… Just like...”

“Like what?”

“N- Nothing. You should leave now, Gin-san. Thank you for your good intentions in coming here but you shouldn’t have. You must return to the life that was taken away from you. You deserve to be happy after everything-“

“Stop it with all the things you’re saying! We’re not done talking! We haven’t even begun. You deserve at least an explanation… after everything you’ve done… for me. You know I can’t just-“

Sacchan shook her head vigorously. “I only wanted to help you, Gin-san. After everything you’ve done for me, in the past, even though I’ve done so many things to annoy you and disturb you. You saved my life and you’ve always inspired me. It was only right that I pay you back for all those times-“

“It’s not supposed to be like that!”

“Everything that happened between us, it was just a dream… We should both forget it. You’re a good person, Gin-san. I’ll never forget how you helped me out or saved me even when I never deserved it.”

“Don’t think of it that way, you idiot! Look, Sacchan, let’s just talk, come on. I owe you this. You are worthy of an explanation.”

“I’m selfish and desperate, remember? I’ll never forget what you’ve told me. And you’re right. Tsukki’s right. I should stay away from you. A- And after what’s happened, I don’t deserve your kindness or your trust. I’m sorry, Gin-san…” She shut her eyes, but failed to keep the tears from falling.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry that I kissed you today. I didn’t mean to put you in that situation…”

“I kissed you back. We’re both at fault, aren’t we?”

“No, I did something worse… Just go! It’s over.”

“Please. Let’s talk.” He spoke gently as he looked her in the eye.

“Maybe next time… In a long time…”

“Look, I’m sorry, Sacchan. I… Tsukuyo… We…” He sighed with frustration. “Before anything between Tsukuyo and I… It’s only right that we, you and I, we should…  _end_  things first. But back in Edo, when we reunited… I…”

She remained silent.

“I’m sorry. Sacchan, I really am. We kissed and we almost… We almost made love. But it didn’t happen. I had to speak to you first. But she was there, she’s okay. Tsukuyo… she’s back and I just… I just…”

Sacchan watched his face, taking in every word, and every change in his expression. She could feel the guilt emanating from him and it stung her heart so much. It wasn’t right. “Stop it, Gin-san. Maybe you should have… Because that night… That night, I…”

“That night? What night? What happened?”

“I’ve been with him,” she whispered, full of sorrow.

“With who?”

“Bansai.” She looked away immediately, terrified of his reaction. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to feel protected. He should be angry… He was always less forgiving of her. But he was unspeaking and again, she could not tell what he was thinking. The tense silence stretched on, then he grabbed her arm and dragged her forward to him.

“I don’t care,” he growled.

“W- What?”

“I said I don’t give a rat’s ass. I already knew somehow… Seeing you all put together, your injuries – they were severe back then – now, they’re suddenly gone. It’s like nothing happened. There’s only one explanation, Sacchan. The serum was used on you. That bastard took advantage of your state. I just know it. It wasn’t you. You couldn’t help it, right? The sensations… they were driving you mad. You were desperate.” His eyes flared with anger.

Sacchan gasped. “Gin-san… How did you-?”

“I experienced it a bit, when Tsukuyo used it on me. And she told me about it. It’s dangerous. It heals you but it makes you vulnerable…”

She nodded. “Yes…”

“So I don’t blame you.” Somehow, they were in each other’s arms again. “It’s all that bastard’s fault.”

“But…” She hesitated, “He helped me… and I let him-”

“He took advantage of you… and I’ll kill him for that. I swear.”

“Gin-san!”

“He messed with what’s mine.” Then he kissed her this time, confining her in his arms. They fit so well together – their lips, her palms on his chest, her breasts crushed between them, his fingers caressing her hips, and their thighs against each other.

Sacchan returned his kisses, forgetting everything else. The only thing that mattered was that they were together right now – her, secure in his arms, and him, embracing her, pulling her close instead of shunning her. She moaned as his hands slid up to cup her breasts. It felt wonderful and she wanted him to continue… to go further… and yet… “Gin-san?”

She could see the bewilderment in his eyes. “It’s not yet over.”

“It should be.”

“Sacchan…”

“You should go.” But she couldn’t push him away.

“I can’t. Not yet.” He rubbed his forehead, looking nervous. “Sacchan, there’s something I have to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“You have to do it. For me.” He held her hands and watched her intently.

She squeezed back, deciding she would do anything for him. A farewell gift. “Tell me.”

“Let me take you back with me to Edo…”

“I can’t!” She gasped. His request stunned her. “I’m sorry, I can’t go back.” Did he realize what he was asking her to do? She couldn’t be near him yet not be with him, nor could she stand to see him with someone else.

“Why not? It’s your home. Don’t you want to go back to how it was? Don’t you want to see everyone you’ve left behind? You can’t stay here, this place, it’s not for you.”

“Please don’t ask me to return. I can’t go back.”

“If you don’t care about Edo anymore, or anyone else… Then do it for me. I’d have a load off my mind if you’re there.”

“Bansai… He asked me to go with him-“

His eyes flashed. “That’s exactly why you shouldn’t remain here. He’ll take you. The Kiheitai and Jiraia could be anywhere. You shouldn’t be alone. It’s dangerous. Everyone’s in Edo, we’ll fight together… and protect each other.”

“I know you’ll protect each other. I’m not part of Edo anymore, Gin-san. I’ll go someplace else and hide.”

His hand crushed her arm. “Are you going to him?”

“No, I’m not… I won’t betray you like that.”

“Then I’m taking you back.” His tone was final. “I won’t take no for an answer,” he added when she tried to speak. “If I have to force you… To tie you up and drag you back, Sacchan… Believe me, I will.” Then he started packing her things, not waiting for her to react. “We can’t take everything. Just pick a few clothes and items that you’ll need.” Then he steered her outside, across a few streets.

A short, old man who seemed familiar was waiting for them at the edge of town. He had thick white hair and was wearing glasses with spirals as lenses. Beside him was a vehicle where Gin-san loaded her things and pulled her inside with him on the back seat.

“Pops here will take us back to Edo, eh?” Gin-san yelled at the old man.

“Sure Mister Gintoki. Hope you and your wife have a comfortable ride.” His glasses twinkled and he took the driver’s seat.

“I’m not-“

“Shh,” Gin-san whispered, “it’s too much of a pain to talk to him. His hearing’s become defective already.”

“Oh!”

“Remember him?”

Sacchan frowned, trying to recall where she had encountered the old man before but she drew a blank. “No, I don’t think I know him.”

Gin-san merely nodded and leaned back against the seat, deep in thought.

Their trip was quiet for a while except for the sounds of Gin-san’s snores. The old man at the front was silent too, not even turning once to look at them. Sacchan focused back on the man beside her. He was so near and yet, he was unreachable to her. He looked tired but peaceful in his sleep. The marks of his wounds were still visible on his face, his neck, and his arms. She wanted to touch them and kiss them. It was agonizing to be so close to him but to have a barrier between them. Her body ached for him, every inch of her begged to be possessed by this man.

Sacchan shut her eyes, shivering at her thoughts. This was proof of how impossible it was for her to survive in Edo.

His hand grabbed her, pulling her forward and now they were even closer with her heart beating a million times a minute. Their breaths mixed, competing with their haste, while the heat of his body overtook hers, sending every fiber of her being out of control.

“Gin-san!” She gasped, hoping he knew that she needed him, that she wanted him right now or else she would break.

“It’s not yet over,” he whispered, making her remember those words from earlier.

And they kissed again, a mouthful of hunger, bursting with longing and indulgence. She moaned against him, leaning closer, wishing they would become one. Her hands touched his face and his body to memorize every detail about him. She smoothed his chest and pressed her own against his, inviting his touch. He needed to know that she was ready for him, that there was nothing between them but a single layer of clothing that was about to come off.

Sacchan breathed his name, feeling him underneath his shirt. He was as hard and muscular as she remembered. The tips of her fingers prickled with their contact. His own hands, in turn, slipped under her robe, caressing her waist and her back, slipping to her bare bottom, which he fondled with a rhythm matching his kisses.

“You’re naked,” he grunted against her neck as his hands moved all over her.

“Touch me,” she begged.

He did as she asked, cupping her breasts, thumbing her nipples just the way she wanted, and devouring them. Gin-san alternated his rough demands with soft, chaste kisses that created alarming waves of ecstasy.

This was it, they were together and it felt so wonderful. How could it be that everything was going to end soon? Why did it have to? If the world despised them together, then this moment should have been like hell.

“Do you love her, Gin-san?” She held him to her chest, breathing in the scent of his hair. The truth was still between them. Tsukuyo was still between them. Maybe they shared a desire that needed to be quenched but in the end, he would be in Tsukki’s arms.

He raised his head to hers, searching her eyes, giving her a light kiss. “Sacchan… Why?”

She kissed him too, her lips on fire as they touched his. “I want you, I want you so much and I’m ready to be with you right now but I can’t forget that you love her and that you chose her-“

“Sacchan-“

“Listen to me, Gin-san.” She stroked his hair, keeping the curls from his eyes, and held his face in her palms. She gave in when he bent in for another kiss but pulled away before she lost control again. “If we do this, you’ll hate me-“

“I won’t.”

“Yes, you’ll hate me. But what’s even worse is that you’ll hate yourself… And I don’t want that to happen because of me. I don’t want you to regret this.”

“Sacchan…”

“Holding you, being with you like this for the last time, I’m happy Gin-san. I thought you would push me away or detest me but you kept me safe. The fact that you came back for me just to make things right… You are the most amazing man I have ever met. And I will always love you.”

“Don’t talk like that!”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those last words. I can’t keep it inside. You’ve always made my feelings bigger than they were. You’re special to me.”

With another kiss, she sealed her declarations and silenced his reply. They spent the rest of the journey sharing sustained, passionate kisses and touches that made her blood simmer.

“Promise me you’ll stay in Edo, with all of us. Promise me, Sacchan.”

“I promise.”

“Master Gintoki,” the old man coughed, his back still to them. “We’ve arrived.”

“Oh!”

“Hey, thanks Pops, how much do I owe you?” Gin-san was yelling again. He and Sacchan quickly arranged their clothes and she slid off his lap. They stepped out of the vehicle with their things, shaking hands with the old man.

“Nothing. I haven’t forgotten your help in the past. Plus, you’ve given me a good show on the road.” His glasses twinkled as he roared with laughter then he set off in record speed.

“Silly old man…” Gin-san shook his head and carried her luggage. He led her to a large tree and settled them underneath it.

Sacchan took the spot beside him and frowned. “Where are we, Gin-san? Is this a stop over?”

“We’re in the outskirts of the town but I thought we should stay here for a while.” He sighed and leaned against the tree, closing his eyes. “Maybe until midnight.”

“MIDNIGHT? WHY?”

He shrugged, eyes still closed. “I thought we should talk. We haven’t done that yet.”

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” Honestly, the idea of finally speaking with him or clearing things up scared her. She could handle the times they spent without so much words but a face to face conversation right now will surely end in tears and further heartbreak.

“Hmm… a lot of things.”

“Like what, Gin-san? Aren’t you hungry? We haven’t eaten in a while. I brought some-“

He had tackled her to the ground and now she was trapped beneath him. His lips immediately sought her neck and his hands were on her body. “Food’s not really on my mind right now.”

“Me neither,” she admitted, pulling on his hair to bring his lips to hers. “I- I thought we were talking.”

“Sacchan,” he groaned, “you’re practically defenseless without your underwear. Why aren’t you wearing any?”

“You dragged me out without giving me time to put some on! It wasn’t like I was seducing you…”

He chuckled, “I’d say you were.” His fingers caressed her inner thighs.

“Gin-san,” she gasped, “let’s stop before we go all the way.”

He frowned but took her in his arms and carried her to the shade, holding her against his chest. They ate as they stared at the sky. “It’s almost sunset,” he whispered. “You’re always watching the sunset.”

“It’s beautiful… and it’s different every day.” Sacchan smiled, pleased that he had noticed something about her. It was true, she often gazed at the skies when night was about to come.

“Huh. You’re right.” His fingers played with her hair and the gesture relaxed her.

She yawned.

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“I won’t.” She did not want to miss any of her last moments with him.

He was silent for a while, simply focusing on her hair. His next words were a surprise. “I’m sorry, Sacchan.”

“Gin-san, we’ve said all there is to say about the matter. I just want this night to be pleasant so we can part in good terms.”

“We’ll still see each other around.”

“I know,” she said and then suddenly, the tears she kept holding in were falling harsh and fast.

He turned her to him and startled her by kissing away her tears. “Don’t cry, I can’t stand it when you cry.” He kept his eyes downcast and the guilt was all over his face. “This was exactly what I was saying. This is why we still have to talk, Sacchan. You have to stop keeping things inside or you’ll end up running away again.”

“Gin-san,” she sobbed.

“You promised to stay here.”

“I’m sorry,” she buried her face in his chest. “It’s so difficult… I don’t want to break my promise but…” Sacchan let go and cried, feeling miserable and helpless.

“You won’t be alone. I’m here-“

“That’s it…  _You’re here_. Gin-san, I don’t know if I can even bear seeing you when I can’t be with you.”

“Sacchan…”

“What’s worse is that I would see you with someone else, with Tsukki… and it might kill me. So I can’t  _not_  leave again.”

“I’m sorry. If I could change things… If everything was different-“

“No! No what ifs, please. It’s never going to happen anyway-“

“Sacchan, I promise, I’ll try my best to make sure that you’ll be okay. You don’t have to suffer. I’m still here for you, even if… Even if we’re not together anymore.”

“Do you regret it? Everything that happened between us?”

“No.” He kissed her and murmured, “Do you?”

Sacchan shook her head. “Do you really want me to stay? Aren’t you sick at the sight of me? Maybe things would be easier for you if I wasn’t around-“

He cut her off with another kiss and another, drawing her into his arms and overwhelming her heart. “Stay. I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you while you’re away.”

She decided then that she wouldn’t leave him. Even if the hurt and the sorrow threatened her, she would stay for him. “Yes…”

Then he smiled and their lips met eagerly, clinching a promise. He lifted her onto his lap, increasing their contact and desire. He dazed her with his kisses and his groans. “I want you.”

His shirt was gone and her robe off her shoulders. They moved, rubbing their bodies against each other as his hands found their way to her breasts. His name was a mantra to her and her voice was shrill to her own ears as he pleasured his way into her heart. Sacchan whimpered with every kiss, every lick, every suck and every bite. His actions were driving her to her limits.

They lay on the grass and Sacchan felt herself still bursting with need and at the peak of her desire. With all the effort she could summon, she rolled away and took shelter behind the tree. Her entire body was shaking and her gasps barely soothed her need for air.

She could see Gin-san sitting up where she left him and he pulled at his own hair in apparent frustration. He folded his knees and bent to hide his face in his arms. Sacchan heard him curse several times. He threw some rocks at the opposite direction.

Moments later, he walked to her and kissed her once more, making her step back. “Don’t,” he said, “I’ll control myself. You too.” He chuckled.

She smiled at him but kept her distance for a while, just until her heart calmed down. But each time she looked at him, it started its turbulent beating once again.

“Thank you, for deciding to stay.” He looked relieved. His hair was a mess but his eyes still held a certain fire. This time, it didn’t terrify her.

“All those years ago,” she started, “when I left… Do you know why I did it?”

Gin-san circled his arms around her, like he had to feel her. “You said… back then… it was because of me,” he hesitated, “and Tsukuyo.”

She nodded, looking into his eyes. “I have to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That night, I was at the roof of your home,” she whispered, terrified of what he might think but she pressed on, determined to be honest with him. “That night, I was waiting for you… You came home with Tsukki and I saw…”

His eyes widened and his arms around her trembled. “Sacchan…”

“I realized then that she was the only one you really wanted. You were always different around her… and she must be really special because you asked her to marry you.”

“You…”

She gripped his arm, begging him to understand. “I’m sorry, I thought that I should tell you everything. I should have left you two alone but I didn’t because… Because I’m a masochist and I don’t know. It hurt and it’s why I went away without saying goodbye. Two people who were important to me, have found happiness without me and all this time, I thought Tsukki…” She looked in his eyes, worried to continue. “I thought she’d let me have you.”

He opened his mouth to speak but she hushed him with a kiss.

“It’s midnight. Let’s go.” Sacchan bent to pick up her things but Gin-san dragged her back, crushing their mouths together.

“Was that a goodbye kiss?” He muttered. But he had drowned her in his ocean of kisses and rendering her unable to speak.

Sacchan held on to him, hoping things were different, that she would never have to let go. They had finally reached the end of the day, the last of their moments together. “Goodbye, Gin-san.”

He cupped her cheeks, holding her face so he could kiss her in his own delightful way. “This is the worst break-up ever.”

“So… Should I break-up with you or you’ll break-up with me?”

He laughed, stealing another kiss from her. “As much as I don’t want to be dumped… You can have the honor of ending it. I don’t deserve you…”

That made her giggle. “It’s not you, it’s me-“

He kissed her again.

“We’re just not meant for each other. And I know you’re heart’s elsewhere…”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Then they shared one more, one last beautiful kiss.

They reached the familiar streets and structures of Edo. Lights were dim but there were still a few open shops. Sacchan had become anxious again, despite her wonderful evening with Gin-san. She supposed he would go home to the Yorozuya house but she still had to find a place to stay at this time of the night and she did not have enough money with her.

Sleeping on his roof might not be the best idea.

When they were standing by Otose’s place, she started to mutter a goodbye but Gin-san had ushered her up the stairs. “Gin-san?”

“Huh?”

“I should go.”

“Where? You can stay here for tonight… Or until you find a place.” He shrugged. “Take my room,” he scratched his head, “I’ll… I’ll stay on the couch.”

“I- I can’t.”

“It’s too late to wander around, Sacchan. And I won’t let you sleep on the roof.” He led her inside.

“Maybe I should stay on the couch.”

“Go on, take the room,” he said, turning away from her. “I prefer the couch anyway.”

She bid him good night, silently promising that she would get her own place as soon as she could. He was clearly uncomfortable with her staying here. And he was right, it would not turn out well.

Sacchan lay on his futon, inhaling his scent and feeling light-headed being on his bed. She was extremely aware of him, sleeping only a few feet away from her, separated by only a thin sliding door. She was surrounded by his presence and everything in the room made her think of him.

It has only been about an hour and she was already scatterbrained in Edo.

She turned and buried her face in his pillow, still thinking of him, and finally drifted off into a good night’s sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second to the last chapter. Mitsuketa has come to an end, but with a lot of things still unresolved, of course there’s a… WAIT FOR IT… part 2. *larger-than-life music playing in the background* Hope I get around to uploading it soon. But wait for the “epilogue” first. Thanks to everyone who stuck with and supported this story. *cries* For now, there are three probable endings for Sacchan: 1 – with Gin, 2 – with Bansai, 3 – with herself. But I already know the ending, of course. =D


	21. It’s Not over Till It’s Over, Or until the Cat Lady Sings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, please please! This story is unbetaed. This is the epilogue/end of this story but I’ll call it chapter 21 instead. Just had to say this: Next year, if things work out, I’ll get a comforter set for my bed. :P

“Get up lazy ass and start paying your rent! Just because you’ve been away for months, it doesn’t warrant a pass from your debts!”

Gintoki opened his eyes, wondering if he was having another nightmare. He hadn’t slept much, the headache he was feeling was a big clue. Even the thoughts from last night were still fresh in his mind. He lay on the couch for hours… conflicted, trying to understand the pang in his heart.

Sacchan…

Tsukuyo…

Sacchan again…

And Tsukuyo…

Last night, he gave up on sleep and instead flipped through several manga volumes as his heart hammered, its sound almost blaring to his own ears. Failing to calm him, he tossed the JUMPs away and scanned a few porn magazines instead. Maybe they would help.

Because a woman, a female whom he desired and wanted to take right now was only a few steps away from him. He simply had to walk to his room and have his way with her. She was willing too, he knew it.

Gintoki grunted at the page display on his hands. A pink-haired woman in glasses was handcuffed to a post, her body in full view. She had curves, elaborate ones and her posture left nothing to the imagination. His groin tightened and he returned the magazine to its hiding place underneath the floorboards. It only aggravated his need.

He spent a few moments at the entrance to his room, his hand ready to slide the doors open. His brain, his heart and his manhood debated on whether or not he should pursue his yearnings.

But he thought of Tsukuyo, feeling a sense of devotion and responsibility. He left her temporarily to find Sacchan and make things right, then took her back to Kabukicho just to keep his peace of mind, nothing else. It was over, and it was time to reunite with Tsukuyo.

Still at odds with himself, Gintoki dashed to the bathroom, deciding to take care of things in the most honorable way – by his own hands. His thoughts as he addressed it didn’t matter. At least his actions made up for it. Then he took a cold, cold bath… to stop the madness and to punish himself. Exhaustion took over afterwards and he finally slept.

But now, an old lady’s nagging was ringing in his ears.

“Oi! What’s the matter with you, granny? It’s too early in the morning for your tirades.” He sat up and looked around. Who let Otose in the house anyway? “I’ll pay the rent… Just wait, I’m still sorting things out.” Gintoki sighed and let his head fall to his palms. He was still drowsy… and the smell of breakfast was filling his nostrils. That could only mean-

“Good morning, Gin-san!” Shinpachi walked to him, shaking his head. “Kagura didn’t come home last night or is she up already? Impossible! And why were you sleeping on the couch? Why is your room all neat and clean? Everything’s in order! And who is cooking breakfast? Kagura? No way!”

“Oi, Shinpachi… Shut your trap. We’ve just returned and now you’re back to your old routine? Don’t you have anything else to do? And did you let the old lady in?”

Otose huffed. “Tama spotted you when you arrived. I want that rent money. And I wanted to check up on you youngsters. At least you’re awake now, Gintoki.”

“Gin-san! Why is the floor all shiny? Even your desk’s been organized.”

“Huh?” Gintoki’s head was spinning.

“I’ve seen Tsukuyo around before she headed back to Yoshiwara. She didn’t say much except that you left in a hurry. Trying to dodge your dues, huh? You still have a large sum to pay off with that drinking habit of yours!” She started on a cigarette. “What the fuck?  _Who_  did you take home last night, you immoral son of a bitch?” Her gaze was directed behind him.

Even Shinpachi let out a loud yelp. “Sacchan-san? Y- You’re here!” His eyes darted from Gintoki to Sacchan, who was wearing an apron. But she had some clothes underneath.

“Hello Shinpachi, Otose-san.” She bowed slightly then turned to him. “G- Good morning Gin-san… I’ve been making breakfast.”

Otose stared, her eyes wide and accusing. Her finger was pointing at them. “I have no idea what kind of set-up you have here but this place isn’t some kind of free for all motel where you can just do whatever you want.” She lowered her face to Gintoki’s. “First you bring home a little girl who eats more than a third world country, then she drags some oversized snow mutt here soon enough. Then you sweep some Yoshiwaran lady off her feet and  _also_ end up bringing her here to make her your wife. Then she leaves you. Now, you’ve returned from a heroic search for your long, lost love… You return with her… But also have _another_  woman on another night, and now she’s cooking breakfast for you.” Otose puffed on her cigarette. “I knew you would eventually give in to this woman’s sick proposals. It doesn’t matter. Just pay the rent!”

“Granny, please, it’s too early to be berated like a little boy. I said I’d pay you-“

“I’ll do it, I’ll pay you, Otose-san,” Sacchan cut in. “It’s the least I can do if Gin-san’s letting me stay here temporarily… Just until I can find my own place. How much-?”

Gintoki lifted his palm to stop her. “No, no… Leave it to me to deal with granny.”

“It’s okay, Gin-san…”

“I can’t-“

“How soon can you give me the money?” Otose nodded at Sacchan.

Before he could say anything else, Kagura ran inside and hugged him. “Kagura! Where’ve you been?” He and Shinpachi asked at the same time.

“Gin-chan! The Shinsengumi bastards are looking for you,” she grinned at him.

“Fuck! What do those morons want this time?”

“Sougo said they need your go signal and you should clear up the plan.”

Gintoki drew a blank but stood up. He was going to give Okita a good beating, chatting up Kagura so early in the morning.

He couldn’t find Kondo, Hijikata, Sougo or even Yamazaki anywhere. He learned from headquarters that they received a tip a few minutes ago and they all went to investigate. It was something big, concerning the Amanto and the Shogun also decided to go ice-skating that day, which meant they had a lot of things on their hands.

By accident, he ran into Madao. The man was too happy to see him, saying the last few months have been even more difficult for him. His ex-wife, he suspected, was moving on with someone else. Plus, his own debts have increased.

“The world must hate us,” Gintoki muttered, thinking of his own situation. “Let’s have a drink. Damn, I could really use one.”

“Sure, pal…”

They decided on the cabaret club but he suddenly remembered Otae would be there. He didn’t want to be under her scrutiny right now. They passed by the Kunoichi Café where Sacchan used to moonlight. Surely she would resume work without much trouble.

“Gintoki-san! Over here!” It was Kyoshiro, Kabuki district’s number one host. He led them inside for a drink as a sort of welcome back for Gintoki. “I had some trouble over here while the Yorozuya was away,” he said. “Luckily, there’s still some help to find around here. How was your quest, Gintoki-san?”

“I found her,” he told the host.

Kyoshiro offered them a toast. “I am glad that things have worked out for you. Drink up for now. It’s on the house.”

Gintoki left the place and parted ways with Hasegawa a few hours later, when it was beginning to get crowded. Kyoshiro and his fellow hosts bid him farewell and asked him to return with his “lady love” soon. Gintoki almost threw up the liquor… Tsukuyo was best kept away from any kind of place with alcohol.

He dropped by Otose’s snack house, just to get another drink before he had to return and deal with seeing Sacchan at his place. She still unsettled him and who knows what kinds of feelings would creep up to him again once he sees her. It didn’t help that he was slightly drunk already.

“Gin-san?” She was at granny’s bar, serving some drinks.

“What are you doing here?” He certainly did not expect that she would be inside this place.

“I work here,” she said, avoiding his eyes.

He made a face. “Why? The pay sucks and granny can be a slave-driver-“

“Bad-mouthing me again, eh Gintoki?” Otose stepped out from the back door. “At least I give payment where it’s due.”

“Aw shucks, granny, give me a few days…”

She sighed, “You’re hopeless. I keep wondering why you have women falling at your feet despite your blatant irresponsibility.”

Gintoki couldn’t help it, he smirked. “Just let me have a drink.” He looked to Sacchan and noticed she was blushing.

“I’ll get you some,” she said before fetching a glass and a bottle at the corner for him.

“She’s agreed to work here to pay off your rent, you know.” Otose revealed to him, her face impassive. “Why is she here, Gintoki?”

“I said I’d pay. Let her choose her own workplace, granny. She’s not that bad. She can return to that kunoichi place-“

“She can’t.”

“Now you’re being overbearing-“

“It’s not that. She has no choice.”

“What do you mean? Are you threatening her or something? You don’t have to… She’s not at fault-“

“Dumbass!” She snapped. “What do you think I am, a thug? I meant that this is the only place she can work at… and Gengai’s agreed through Tama to let her work there part time.”

“Better if you spit it out, I don’t get it, really.”

“She can’t find work elsewhere, Gintoki. She’s tried.” Otose’s lip twisted as she fixed her stern gaze on him. “You know she has a bad reputation around here, with the Tsukuyo business and all…”

“Yes, and it’s worsening since she can’t even prepare drinks. What a useless loser!” A tough voice rose from behind him.

“Catherine-sama and Otose-sama are right. It’s charitable to let her work with us here, Gintoki-sama. Sacchan-sama is hopeless otherwise.”

Catherine clucked her tongue.  “People are already whispering about her being here. What’s your girlfriend gonna think, huh?”

“Oi Gintoki, did you consider anything before bringing her here? Or are you up to something?”

“Gintoki-sama’s gone to visit the police. Surely he knows what he’s doing.”

“No way I’m gonna let Otose-san and this bar get a bad reputation while we babysit some crazy bitch from stalker planet.”

The three of them looked at him expectantly.

“You,” he gave his most menacing glare to the half-cat freak as he pointed his finger at her face. “This place has lost all shreds of its reputation to be tarnished ‘cause of you so you have no goddamn right to speak as if you’re some angel of the heavens. Your hairy ears disprove that and I bet even your ass is covered in hairs.”

“Oi!”

“You,” he nodded at Tama. “Seems like you’ve lost your touch with compassion, humanity and such. Turning back into that useless junk that you’re made of?”

“Gintoki-sama…”

“And you!” He was nose to nose with Otose, and she wasn’t backing down. “I’ll pay the rent soon, no worries granny,” he said, laughing nervously and scratching his head.

Sacchan approached them with a platter of sandwiches and rice rolls. “Eat before you head home, Gin-san. You can have the room tonight… I’ve tried the couch, it’s really comfortable.”

“Stay in the room.” He frowned and took a bite from a sweet roll, “I… I won’t be staying home for a while.” This was the right thing to do, he convinced himself.

“Oh, you have a job to attend to?”

“No…” He could feel everyone watching him. To calm his nerves, he downed the entire bottle of alcohol in front of them. Then, he stood and walked to the door, forcing himself to keep looking forward. “I’m heading to Yoshiwara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. Thanks for your reviews! =) I loved writing this story with you guys. Maybe I’ll come back for it someday to fix some chapters. Still, I’m glad I was able to finish a multi-chaptered fic, finally! As for Part 2, I have a title and outline for ¾ of the story… it’s just waiting to be written. Sorry, I cannot promise fast updates since I was… promoted. This means, more traveling ahihihi! I just hope more GinSachi fans will write and post fanfics. Show yourselves! =P No Bansai here but I assure you he will be in the sequel, hanging around. Yeah, Gin and Sacchan’s relationship makes things even more complicated. It’s definitely different now. Last chapter was definitely a headache to write. In my first draft, Gintoki was acting VERY differently. Gin, right now, is confused and repentant… Things will definitely become complicated. XD


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